The Beyond Series Books

Ghost Stories Duke of York Theatre London.

2010-12-03T09:46:00.000Z

What a fantastic Play. Immediately as you walk into the Theatre it has been decorated with plastic sheets yellow and black tape and industrial lights with lots of eerie base noise and dripping water in the background. Clearly we were meant to be in some deserted mill or building site.

The play was based on three ghost stories narrated by a professor of parapsychology. Some of the photos he showed on a slide show were creepy as was the first story about a father hearing his daughter’s voice as she followed him around a deserted building he was caretaker of. The Second one I was expecting what happened. The usual car in woodland then breaks down at night. The third story wasn’t particularly scary, but it was disturbing, the viewer makes of it what they will. My take was that the baby was Spawn of Satan and could manipulate those around him. The twist at the end though was truly amazing and one I hadn’t suspected at all.

Spoiler alert: All three stories were actually connected as the professor was the one in the coma dreaming these horrors and specific sentences used were in fact the staff talking around him. It brings to the forefront the question of what is reality exactly and whose reality is real and who’s is fake. Or my favourite, how do you know that this is reality?

80's Rewind Festival 2010

2010-09-04T17:03:00.009Z

What a fantastic weekend! This is how I like to spend my weekends, sat out in a huge field with the sun blazing down surrounded by a large group of friends, chilling with a beer and having a lot of laughs whilst listening to live music. Perfect!.

Well as the name of the festival suggests the whole theme is around 80's music and to have some of my favourite bands from my love struck, angst, teenage years brought back some wonderful memories and a great excuse to dress up (and I mean dress up) in the old eighties gordy and decadent outfits. More is more in the eighties, that meant more hair (big back combed effigy piled sideways on one's noggin... lots and lots of makeup, a Madonna beauty spot, fingerless gloves, leg warmers and bright nail polish...) and that was just the men!!!

Yes we all made an effort and making each other up gave us something to do in between sets. Some of those playing were Carol Decker of T'Pau who actually runs a pub in Henley these days made an appearance, as did Heaven 17, ABC. I'm not entirely sure why Chesney Hawkes was there, but I found it highly amusing whilst singing "I am the one and only" nearly half the crowd put on Chesney face masks...

I was in awe when Midge Ure sang "Vienna" which is one of my all time favourite 80's song. As was Tony Hadley singing "Gold". The whole crowd joined in and it is times like these I feel an affinity with the world. (I know, a bit deep, but that's how I feel when I'm in a big crowd all singing our hearts out.)

Anyway, I was really looking forward to Boy George, unfortunately I realised I didn't know the majority if his songs and asked a friend if he was going to be on for a while and if I had time to visit a portaloo. I really only wanted to hear Kama Chameleon and my friend thought that this would be his encore song. So off I trot to the loos only to my horror the moment I sat down said song came warbling out of Mr Georges mouth so I heard him live albeit through the echoing reverberation of a plastic box... Hey ho.

Rick Astley was good until he opened his mouth to speak, I'd never heard him talk before so it was a bit of a shock to hear this horrendous broad northern accent belt out insults to the crowd after each song. Ben from Curiosity not only killed the cat, but his entire set of songs. In fact I think a cat scraping it's claws down a blackboard would have been more entertaining and Hazel O'Connor is now just an old mad box of frogs!

Highlights had to be Jimmy Sommerville, Marc Almond, 10cc (I cried when they played "I'm not in love") and an impromptu sing along from our gang. We Sang Queens Mr Fahrenheit and we got quite a few others singing along too which was fabulous.

Mwah!

Inspiration from Cornwall

2010-05-30T13:39:00.007Z

I love my caravan holidays in Britain. I try to get away at least twice a year, just me Meg (my dog) and a friend. Coastal getaways in cute little caravans are my idea of vacation heaven. No fighting in queues at airports or long delays. I enjoy foreign holidays, but the hassle of getting there means I only go away if I REALLY REALLY want to see that country.

Anyway, last week we jumped in the car and headed to Cornwall, a county I have never visited before so was excited with anticipation of what to expect and I wasn't disappointed. We stayed near a tiny fishing town of Perranporth. The locals were very friendly and the beaches were spectacular, in particular Cartock beach, although I did end up with third degree burns. Damn my fair skin!

The Highlights:

TRERICE: This was a beautifully preserved Elizabethan Manor house. I arrived whilst it was still daylight and the gardens were outstanding, but the real tour of the house began as it turned to dusk. We were guided through the Orchards where they had candles hanging from the trees, which gave a romantic atmosphere. Then the tour turned to the great Hall with a roaring fire, mulled wine and savoury biscuits. To add to the ambiance foliage from the gardens had been scattered over the stone floors and candles dotted around the room and in the Minstrels gallery.

Once dusk had fallen to night, we were instructed not to utter a single word from there on. The whole house was lit only by candles and we were led to a drawing room and what I found so hypnotic were the paintings as the candles flickered I could have sworn one painting of a female smiled at me and another of a man winked at me! Spooky!

We were then led to the minstrels gallery and as I looked over into the hall we had just been sat in, two women dressed in Tudor clothes were giggling as they swept the floors by the fire. Now I found this bizarre because I felt like I was the Voyeur, none more so as we entered a bathroom. The bath filled with bubble bath and clothes and towels strewn on the floor we then entered a bedroom and as my eyes became accustomed to the light I looked at this body in the bed and thought"is this a dummy or real" so me being the curious creature I am walked towards the bed. I was seriously considering poking the bulk under the covers with my finger when the whole thing moved and began snoring! I nearly jumped out of my skin, then had to stifle an attack of one my famous giggling fits. I LOVE BEING SCARED. Whatever floats your boat right?

What I loved about this tour was the attention to detail the staff had put into this night time tour and instead of it being another Most Haunted style ghost hunt they had cleverly flipped it on it's head so that we were to experience what it must be like for a spirit to watch the living going about their daily lives without anyone being able to see or hear them. Fantastic!

Torvill & Dean still have the WOW factor

2010-04-25T11:26:00.006Z

Yes, sad, but true. I have been to see Dancing on Ice the Tour! Actually it was very good and I really enjoyed myself. The reason for me attending such a show was for my 92 year old grandmother who wanted to go and see it at the M.E.N. Arena in Manchester... ALONE!

I don't think she actually realised just how big this place is so I said I would take her. Now I don't like having to sit miles away from the center stage unless I have no choice so I splashed out on two of the best seats in the house, front row centre and the extra cost didn't disappoint. The skaters actually skated up ramps so they were staring me in the eye, I could actually reach out and touch them and I have to say it took great self control not to touch some of those six packs and pecks on show, Phewee! It was pretty cool.

The show was in the same format as the television show, where celebs dance around in sparkly spandex then the judges make some nice or not so nice comments, the crowd cheer loudly and boo at the Simon Cowell of the skating world (have no idea who he was, but then I don't watch t.v. much!) It was all good clean fun and Torvill and Dean performed a new version of Bolero tying themselves up in purple cloth and flying through the air. I was mesmerized.

My Nan didn't disappoint with hilarity factor either... She told some bored housewives who had been let off the leash for the day to behave themselves as their drunk antics were beginning to irritate everyone sat close by, then she got out her flask of coffee and cheese butties that she'd smuggled into the arena in her big red granny bag and proceeded to drink and munch away in front of security and no-one battered an eyelid. I couldn't believe it I had to throw a perfectly good bottle of water away on entering the arena, but my Nan gets waved straight in without even having her bag checked!! I think I'll take her to the next Download Festival this year then I can smuggle some cheap booze in without having to pay the extortionate prices at the Carslberg Bar! tsk tsk!

Me and My Nan... Yes she's 92!!!

Download Rock Festival 2009

2009-06-20T09:24:00.006Z

Last weekend was incredible. I can tick off another ambition achieved from my list of things I want to do before I get too old and suddenly discover one day that I enjoy crochet and listening to Terry Wogan on Radio Two!

Download is the ultimate rock festival of the year and as a rock chic it was the one festival I hadn't done after Reading, V and Glastonbury. I thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience because firstly the camping wasn't 10 miles away in another county! And because the festival isn't as large as the other aforementioned there was plenty of tent space, although two guys came in and asked to put their tent up next to ours stating that there was plenty of room, however they didn't tell us they were erecting Balmoral Castle next door to us!! This grated me a tad because there were huge expanses of Field further up the field, but hey ho!

We spent most of our time at the Tuborg Tent, which was in effect the Thrash Stage. I preferred it here because you could see the artists on stage and I like to hear new talent and emerging groups. Plus the fact when the sun became too much we could sit in the shade, oh yes and the Guinness bar was right behind us. Voivod and Face Cage are two bands to look out for.

We ventured to the larger stages for acts that we really wanted to see. For me it was Pendulum, Prodigy, Static X (who sang Queen of the Damned track Cold), Black Stone Cherry (who I'm going to see in October) and Slipknot... The showmanship in that band is awesome. The drummer was on this hydraulic stage that twisted and turned and he was actually drumming upside down at some points. I would love to be in a band like that. Can you imagine the fun they have? I first saw them ten years ago at Reading and thought they were strange, but mesmerising and I still hold that belief to this day.

I have a new digital camera which I am still working out how to down load photos on to this computer. When I've figured it out I will post piccys. Damn technology!!!

Slipknot

Halloween Was The Highlight Of 2008 For Me

2008-12-31T14:18:00.014Z

I actually wanted to blog this when it happened and never got round to it, so I thought New Years Eve would be the perfect time to tie up any old bloggy loose ends that have been annoying me, knowing I wanted to write about events in my life, but just didn't have the time or decided I'd rather sit and watch some anal TV instead of doing something constructive with my time.

Well I have had some great times, my annual trip to Birmingham to meet all my old Ex-Leo friendsin February was good fun, catching up and reverting back to our 80's mispent youth!(sorry no photo's, because we all end up far to drunk to ever remember to take any piccy's) Will endeavour to blog this in February 2009 as my mate Terry has told me he's taking me on his famous Terry Tour of Real Ale Pubs. I must really get with the times and buy a digital camera.

September I decided to pluck up some dutch courage and attend two Fantasy Sci-Fi Conventions, one run by the British Fantasy Society where I met screenwriters, authors and publishers who all gave me valuable advice on how to get ahead in the writing industry. Specail thanks to Paul Finch and Sam Stone for their kindness and guidance that weekend.

I enjoyed the day so much I booked to spend the weekend in October at NewCon4 Convention, another Fantasy Convention for writers. I had the most amazing time meeting well known authors in my genre of work including Paul Cornell who gave me great advice on screenwriting for the BBC, Ian Whaytes, Terry Martin from Murky Depths, even played Killer Pool with THE Ian M. Banks no less, very nice man. I made some good friends there that weekend and can't wait to catch up with them all again at the massive EasterCon in Bradford at Easter funnily enough!

My two major book signings at Waterstone's this year for both Didikai Witch in April and for Demon Lupus in December were also fantastic milestone's for me too and made me realise my dream, making it as a true bonafide published author.

Didikai Witch and Demon Lupus on Waterstone's bookshelf! Whoo Hoo!

The other major highlight for me this year was an ambition I have had since I first discovered Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles fifteen years ago, and that was to attend her famous Vampire Lestat Ball in New Orleans at Halloween. It was amazing, the venue was like a dark fairy tale and the costumes were astounding. Meeting fans who had attended this famous party since the beginning was great, it was like attending a special secret society and everyone had a common cause... to revel in their biggest fantasies. The photos say it all...

Vincent The Vampire

Queen of the Damned... Akasha

More Stunning Vamps

Hmm me being made into a vamp... Okay just kidding I am still very much mortal, but it was quite erotic!!

Happy New Year XXX

Afrika Afrika So Good They Named It Twice

2008-11-27T12:57:00.005Z

I'm currently catching up with my culture blogs. I tend to add them to my blog because I think it's important for me to get out and see shows, plays, musicals etc to broaden my creative mind.

Shame on me though, because I actually went to watch Afrika Afrika back in July and I've only just found the time to actually blog it. Double shame on me because I've just realised that this was the last cultural thing I did.

I need to see a show me thinks, but not Mamma Mia! Good grief! I saw the movie version of that pile of pants back in the summer too and I was overwhelmed with the dreadful singing and exaggerated HAMMY acting. When I was getting married I didn't come up with naive plotting and scheming games to get what I wanted. The so called heroine got her just deserts in my opinion when she was faced with ALL three fathers wanting to walk her down the aisle... Spoilt Brat!

Anyway I digress... Afrika Afrika. What a great show all the performers enthused so much energy. The human spider and the human snake... How on earth can anyone possibly bend themselves in to such amazing postures? The music was authentic (and live) African Tribal songs and those fit muscular, oiled bodies... Phwah! Ah hem. I was actually very appreciative of their artistic and acrobatic talent and not their physical appearance... At all, one iota.

The whole tent the show was housed in was amazing too. It was decorated just like the inside of a traditional Bedouin tent, and the aroma of African cooking was just mouth watering. They certainly put on a show and gave you the full African experience. I believe they are still touring the UK so if you get the chance go and see it. It beats listening to cats scratching a blackboard to the tune of Super Trouper or whatever the hell Julie Walters and the others were singing.

Official Website For Show

There is a video to watch so you get a feel for what to expect. Better than what I can write here I think.

Demon Lupus Book Two - The Beyond Series Now on Sale

2008-09-11T12:09:00.015Z

My my, this monthly blogging does come round quickly. I would honestly like to say that I would love to blog so much more than I do, but time does not allow it. I mentioned in a previous post that I enjoy visiting a variety of online social and creative sites, as well as having time to write my novels and having some kind of 'normal' social life. Trying to juggle everything that I want out of life can prove a bit difficult really, If only I had a Tardis so I could travel through wormholes and discover dimensions in space and time that allow me to do everything I want. Anyhoo!

Good News!! Last week my second book in The Beyond Series, Demon Lupus, was released for sale. You can find this wonderful and gripping action supernatural thriller on Amazon, My Website, My Publishers or any great bookshop.

You can always find little gems in independent bookshops too. I always wanted to own my own independent shop by the way, that smell of old and new paper, infused with wooden shelves, some scattered comfy chesterfields and an old fashioned till register that goes "ping" when you open the money draw! If you ever get the chance to Visit Scotland Please try and go to Wigtown, it is the Scottish National Book Town and I swear I was in heaven. One shop was like something straight out of Harry Potter. Oooh I get a warm feeling of nostalgia and shivers down my spine just thinking about it. (I will add the name when I remember it, I just went off on one of my wild tangents there.)

Now where was I? Oh yes my new novel, Demon Lupus. It tells the story of Lily Roberts who has trouble controlling her temper and her super human strength. Until she discovers her family's well kept secret and her battle against her own inner demon.

The book has some of your favourite characters from Didikai Witch, however I wrote this book, because I wanted to introduce you to some really hot and juicy shape- shifter characters that will begin to appear throughout the series of the ten books I have planned... Yes you read correctly, your eyes do not deceive you. I have already written the synopsis for ten novels and I am excited about each and everyone of them. So you see this is why I need to create time to write, blog and be me once in a while. However, I do get distracted at times, much to my own annoyance by other contemporary thrillers that just pop into my head when I least expect them.

Take last night for instance, I read an article in a newspaper about someone who I have a very distant association with, but have spoken to and thought was a very nice chap. Apparently he has just done a bunk owing thousands and no-one can get hold of him, not even me and I'm a super sleuth extraordinaire, (Nancy Drew has nothing on me normally.) So it got me thinking, What could possibly have happened for him to do that? And within an hour I had the entire synopsis written for my fifth contemporary thriller (and I'm still only putting the finishing touches to my first! My Head is a nightmare!) For those who of you who are not great serial or supernatural book fan you will be pleased to know that these five books are all completely independent stories and haven't a ghost or blood sucker in sight. For those who do like Fantasy/Horror, don't you worry, there are still plenty of ideas coming from the back and beyond of my mind to keep voracious readers going for a few years yet.

I believe in writing for the masses of all genres, but obviously I write about the subjects I know and love. Strewth I'm rambling again. This is what my head is like 24-7. So I'm writing books three, four and five at the moment out of the fifteen, but I still have time for some fun and lurvin'. I will be blogging next time about my speed dating adventures. See, even my love life has to be on fast spin!!

Relay For Life

2008-08-08T12:33:00.006Z

I have spent the summer fund raising for Cancer Research. Race For Life in May at Heaton Park in Manchester and then Relay For Life in Rossendale.

The idea behind Relay For Life is to get a team together then raise funds by any means necessary then each team member takes it in turns to walk around a race track for a solid twenty four hours. 19 teams braved the elements to raise money for Cancer Research UK at the fundraising event held at Marl Pits on 5th and 6th July, and spirits were certainly high.

The event itself was the culmination of many months of fundraising on behalf of the teams, with money being raised through activities such as Asda bag packs, quiz nights, raffle ticket sales, sales of Candles of Hope and general donations.
Originally planned to start at 11.00am, the event got underway at 12.00noon and was opened with moving speeches by Steven Farr, Chairman of Relay for Life Rossendale and the Mayor of Rossendale Christine Gill, herself a cancer survivor who sadly lost her husband Deputy Mayor of Rossendale. I cried as I remembered my dad, his best friend Barry and my grandad, who had all so recently been taken from me. (getting emotional just writing this blog!)

Anyway, the first walkers of the day took to the track. The honour of starting the relay fell to local people who have survived cancer and notable participants included the Mayor and inspirational four-year-old Millie o'Shea. Their steps were accompanied by the sound of applause from team members and other spectators who had come along to offer their support.

From there it was up to the teams to ensure that at least one member of the team would be on the track at all times for the next 24 hours. At that stage, little did the teams know that they would experience torrential rain, thunder, blustery winds and warmth! The teams came onto the track in various guises, from Cowboys, Human Chickens trying to flap their way round, Batman made an appearance, to Sumo Wrestlers on Spacer Hoppers (which was hilarious and I'm spitting mad for not getting a photo of that).

The atmosphere was lively and there was this real sense of camaraderie and community spirit that I always love! There was live music, face painting, fun stalls and cakes and drinks being sold to raise money for this worthy cause. Sadly, a number of stalls had been destroyed during the high winds of the previous evening, meaning that fewer than expected were available. But that didn't stop our determination to have some good old fashioned Stiff upper lip British Summer Fate type fun.

Here are some of the BB4US Team and Team mascot The Famous Mad Meggy Moo Moo!

At 10.00pm, the Relay came to a standstill for the emotional ‘Candle of Hope' ceremony. In the run up to the event, and on the day itself, people had the opportunity to offer a donation in return for a Candle of Hope which they could dedicate to loved ones who'd either lost their battle with this dreadful disease, were in the process of receiving treatment, or had fought their battle and triumphed.

Following this, all members of the teams walked around the track to read the messages on around 400 candles of hope, which by this stage were lit, and would continue to light the way for those walking during the hours of darkness. Much care and effort had been taken with the messages on the candles bags, and many were beautifully designed to honour the person to whom they were dedicated. I found mine to pops, which was so lovely to see.

At midnight I started the graveyard shift and walked around for two full hours in the pouring rain, with a gammy foot (an old war wound that just decided to flare up on the day of the Race... Typical) There seemed to be no end to peoples stamina and ceaseless amount of energy. Even the local pubbers came and staggered around the track with me showing their inebriated support for us, which was lovely and I met a great guy who decided to walk his chocolate labrador dog, Fudge around the track for his bedtime walk. Thank you whoever you were. My only real quibble was that of the local police relay team who insisted on having a barbecue at 1 am and didn't even offer me a burnt sausage!!

Daylight saw participants continue to walk around the, by now extremely muddy, track, and the music re-commence.
Finally, a large number of rather tired-looking team members gathered around the stage for the closing ceremony, the event had raised an amazing £25,000 and there was still the sponsorship money to collect and I believe the money is still rolling in. FANTASTIC!!! Our Team have so far raised £2700 not including just short of £500 that me, my cousin Nichola, my Auntie Doh-Doh and sister-law Joanne Raised in May. A real sense of achievement that I have done something really worthwhile this summer.

The final total will be announced in September when a cheque will be presented to Cancer Research UK. I will be there, because I have donated some of my books to the raffle, which I will be signing on the night for the prize winners. So watch this space!!!

Survivers Flag...

Facebookers and Mad MySpacers

2008-07-03T19:47:00.004Z

If you have looked at My Beyond Series Website you may have noticed there is a direct link to my My Space profile page.

I have to admit that I am a bit of a My Space addict and I have to limit myself to just one hour a day on BOTH My Space and Facebook, otherwise I would get lost in cyber space and never actually get anything done, like write my novels, wash my clothes or feed my poor dog.

I do get a little exasperated at just a few of my fellow Facebookers and MySpacers for several reasons. Okay here' why.

1. Bands and musicians who request my friendship when I have absolutely no interest in Poppy Pop, Rap, R&B, Hip Hop, Bip Bop, Garage, House, Folk, Country and Western... I don't even listen to the music on their profiles, so I decided to do an experiment... I left comments after THEY had sought me out and they didn't even have the decency to reply. At least when people leave comments on my profile I do my best to reply to every one as well as personal messages. (I do this on Facebook too.) I will never chat, comment or look at their profile again so what exactly is the point? I have searched my expansive logical mind and I simply can't find one. This exercise is completely pointless and wastes my precious hour on My Space.

2. When I first set up my accounts I was a completely unknown debutant in the literary world and so I used the sites to go and seek like minded people who I thought would like my work. So I requested friendships with anyone who liked to read fantasy/supernatural books. Makes sense right? But what irritated me the most were the odd few who just don't seem to get the whole VIRTUAL SOCIAL NETWORKING thing... AT ALL! You request friendship and they send you a stupid email asking one of the following:

Question: "Do I know you?" My Answer: "Nope, but you do now! <;0)"
Question: "Who are you?" My Answer: "Alison Kershaw! See profile name. Numpty!"
Question: "I'm sorry, but I can't remember where I met you?" My Answer: "No need to apologise, you haven't met me. I'm just messing with your head!"

What is that about? If you don't know me then look at my bloody profile! That's what it's there for. And it's not even like I am stingy with information either. It's safe to say that my Facebook profile (which is an open profile so non-friends can go in and have a good old nosey) is the size of a small virtual island like Guernsey for crying out loud.
I spent hours building up that profile so I didn't have to answer anal questions. However, I did have some fun for a while with these folk, one reply I once gave to "Who are you?" went something like: "I am an evil blue flying monkey, who has moved on from emptying scarecrows heads full of straw and have now discovered the delights of virtual reality, where I can happily empty your heads of all common sense through the power of the computer. By the time you have read this message you will have the IQ of a labotomised donkey."
My account got disabled for a week for that one, but now I am happy to say that my networks are large enough and I don't really need to bother much anymore. I merely delete. If these people don't know the rudimentary workings of social networking then I feel that The Beyond Series of books would probably be a mystery to them as well!

3. Okay this point is specifically to Facebook, although I'm sure it goes on in My Space too, but I have never bothered to look, as I use MS very differently from FB. It's Celebrity Fansites that irritate me. How can we be sure it is the bonafide celeb running that site or at the very least their PA?
Now it may or may not come as a surprise to some readers, but I am a huge fan of Top Gear and I recently found a fansite for Jeremy Clarkson. It has only been on Facebook for about two weeks and already has about two and a half thousand fans. I was suitably impressed so I decided to join it and left a comment for who I thought was The JC himself. However, as the group got larger, the creator couldn't resist holding on to the enigma of staying stylishly silent and distant from his fans and decided to leave a post promoting the lamest group on Facebook I have ever seen. It had just 32 members and it had a hotch potch of videos from...well I'm not quite sure, because I didn't bother wasting that precious hour looking.
So I began to get suspicious of this fansite for several reasons. The first was that JC had put himself down as an actor! Eh? Jezza is a Journalist, prolific writer and TV Presenter.
Then the post itself was appalling. As he is a writer and I'm sure he writes daily, would not dream of starting a sentence in lower case letters, he would automatically use correct grammar and punctuation and I don't think he would end a sentence with "lol" or use "awesome" either. If he handed over his weekly Sunday Times column to the editor in that slovenly manner, he would be laughed out of the world of journalism.
Finally, I don't think that JC would bother promoting a seriously amateur group page on FB when he can promote two very professional websites that plays a plethora of past Top Gear episodes. Strewth!
What possesses people to pretend that they are someone they are not? Does it make you feel popular? Important? Wanted? Dare I say famous? Get your own identity and do something original, creative and constructive if fame and notoriety is what you seek.

4. Rant nearly over I promise. My final gripe is this text or txt typing that goes on in these comments and message boards. Don't be so bloody lazy. You have a proper alphabetical keyboard in front of you. Write properly. The entire English speaking world will end up illiterate at this rate. Here's an example of a My Spacer who left me a comment.
"wos up babe u r sexy n i wud luv to take u out on a d8 or a kwiki at urs i av a big n lol xxx" The suave and sophistication of this Casanova's verbal articulation must be limitless. Can you imagine the quick witted conversations we would have over a G&T and a bowl of olives? I had nothing in common with this guy, except that we lived in the same town and quite clearly went to different schools!
It took me half an hour to read and understand the god damn message. It's all Chinese slang to me. I politely replied. "Been single long then?"
Enough said. Write proper English like what I do! I will be able to understand so much more and as I only have an hour a day to virtually network I'm hardly going to spend fifty percent of that time trying to get my head around this new lazy mobile phone shorthand. And yes I have predicitive text on my phone so I can type words properly and quickly. So there!

Okay rant over. Don't get me wrong though, I have met some lovely, talented and thoroughly hilarious and creative people over these sites. I am merely talking of a very small percentage here. Whilst I am on the subject of My Space, if you have entered this blog through my website and want to know what I am up to in the literary sense please go to My Space Profile I use that blog for all my publishing and appearances information. This blog is purely for my everyday observations of life, no matter how bizzare and journal. Where I try to put some common sense back into a nutty old world.
TTFN

Morning Has Broken....

2008-06-11T09:25:00.003Z

I am so tired it is unreal, so I guess this blog is going to be short and sweet.
I was rudely awoken this morning by the sun blazing through my bedroom window, because I had stupidly left the blinds up last night, because I was hot and I needed to sleep with the window open.

Now, if I have the blinds rolled down and there is a gust of wind the blinds rattle and stun me awake. So anyway, there I am at 6.30 am head under covers getting hotter and hotter, but thankfully my tired peepers are protected from the summer sun.

However, because my window is open, I hear some mad early bird decide to empty what sounded like the entire contents of bottles and tin cans from an all night rave the previous night into his recycle bin.

I groan as my ears throb from the high pitched clatter. Then a house alarm goes off and the owners miracuously don't hear it for at least fifteen minutes!!! What is that about? What's the point in having a car, house or fire alarm if you are a sleeper of the living dead? Anyway this sets off the local yappy, ankle biter dog that seems to be left out for most of the night and this sets my Mad Meggy Moo Moo off huffing at my bedside. (She doesn't bark, she huffs and puffs, because she's special!)In a mad fit I get up "Right that's it!" And storm downstairs to make a brew and defeated decide to start getting ready for work. However, because I haven't had my eight hours beauty sleep you can imagine my face looks like a lima on speed today.

So I have come up with an idea for sleeping in hot whether. 1 Bedsheet, 1 Birthday Suit, 1 Open window with the blind up, 1 Eye mask with the words "Wake the Bitch at Your Own Peril" (In Pink sequins of course) and a pair of industrial strength ear muffs.

Or I could just buy an air-conditioning unit!
TTFN

Borders Bookclub Book Review - Ghostwritten By David Mitchell

2008-03-08T15:14:00.003Z

I would like to set the scene for you.
I am sat at home in my comfy settee, legs up on a stool with my laptop on my knee and my Meggy Moo is faithfully sat next to me licking me to death, not because she wants to be close to her alpha, but I just taste so damn good at the moment. I smell of yoghurt (tesco's finest no less). What am I babbling about?

Well I have just come back from a spa where I have had a luxurious body wrap and facial...If I don't cop tonight when I go out to celebrate my book signing at Waterstones then I don't know what else to do, except write "Available Totty This Way" on my forehead!

So I am meant to be reviewing Ghostwritten by David Mitchell, but I say go out to a book shop, buy it and read it yourself... It's dead good!

Actually this is not a book I would normally read, but I joined a book club at Borders in Manchester last week and that was what they were reading that month. Very cleverly intertwined short stories rather than a novel and my only bug bear was that I was really getting to know the characters and sympathise with them when the story ended and moved on to the next character. People at the book club marvelled at how he managed to write nine stories from nine peoples different view points, but all I will say is that if you have studied the Enneagram I would suspect it wouldn't be that difficult at all.

Going out and joining a book club is not something I would have thought of doing myself either, but two fellow NLP Master Practitioners on my course set me a task last month to join a bookclub and go to an event like a booksigning or something and I had to speak to at least two people! Apparantly I'm a bit of an antisocial hermit!

So I was very proud of myself, because I spoke to FOUR people that evening... That is of course if you count the guy who served me an extra large mug of tea in Starbucks and the Borders shop assistant who I asked where the bookclub met!

So my next task is to go to a book signing, now I was due to attend one next Thursday evening, but I have a Hot Stone Therapy Massage to do and business comes before pleasure, so as luck would have it Waterstones contacted me last week and asked if I would like to do a book signing for my novel Didikai Witch on April 19th. I said, "Cor Yeah!"
So you see Ann and Gilli I will HAVE to speak to lots of people then won't I! So There!

Mmmm I do smell good enough to eat!
TTFN

You Know When You Have Made It... You Acquire A Stalker!

2008-03-05T13:30:00.013Z

Well there you have it, as the title suggests, I have acquired my very own stalker over the last couple of weeks.

I had my face plastered in the local papers advertising the fact that I had written and published my first novel and low and behold I start getting heavy panting down my mobile phone complete with groans and moans.

At first I thought the poor guy was having a heart attack whilst yanking his chipolata over a picture of me! I asked him if he was okay and did he need me to call an ambulance. I won't tell you his exact reply, but it was along the lines of calling for his maker.

Now I wasn't really that upset about it... (In fact I laughed at him once and asked him if he had his magnifying glass and tweezers to hand), but I was more annoyed that he has been disturbing my beauty sleep for a few weeks now... And please tell me, what sort of a man wakes up at 2 am and decides to ring me up for a little self gratification when he could quite easily pay £5 per minute listening to someone who is paid a minimum wage to grunt and groan down the phone back at him? Oh and nearly every town has a red light district!

Anyway I got fed up with my new found celebrity status (even if it is only a localised one) and I called the police to report the nuisance and trace the call. Before you all start wondering how the guy got my number, I am not saying anything incriminating here except if I do find out who it is and I meet them face to face I will do more than offer them a pair of tweezers, a titanium reinforced codpiece would be needed at this moment in time.

I can look on the positive to just about anything negative in my life. I was chatting to a colleague at work about it and I suddenly had this flash of inspiration, what if this guy was a respected member of his community and he led this seedier life behind closed doors. All these fantastic ideas came up for a new novel that has nothing to with The Beyond or supernatural, but something much more illicit... My colleague and I came up with a fantastic working title...
THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF WANKER MAN!!!

Like I said it is a working title.

My artists impression of Wanker Man... (A condom has been blown up over his head to protect the innocent)

Valentine Schmalentine! Pah!

2008-02-15T12:52:00.011Z

I am issuing this post with a Government Health Warning on the easily offended. If you hate potty mouths, anal or toilet humour then I suggest you right click elsewhere!

Well as you can probably tell by the title, that this particular post is going to be a major rant about self gratifying card and gift industries the world over, who use certain days of the year to boost sales and to keep their pointless gift emporium's afloat until the Christmad season(that was actually a typo, but I thought it quite apt and decided to leave it in).

Yesterday I left numerous hints and comments on MySpace and Facebook hoping that one of my two thousand or so "friends" would send me any kind of a valentine greeting my way, but alas it was not meant to be.

So you can imagine my excitement when I arrived home that evening to find, amongst all the brown 'bill' looking envelopes and the masses of takeaway menus dripping in Pizza and Curry grease, a bright pink envelope (handwritten in red ink) lying on my door mat!

"Yes, Yes!!! I have a secret admirer! Woohoo!" I looked around outside to check no shy young hunk of a man was hiding behind the trees in the park! Okay okay! I have an overactive imagination... Hence the writing!
I opened the pink envelope first and this is what I found inside...

So I thought "Okay Ali, you have a secret admirer who has a sense of humour... This is good, because he clearly knows you and he is letting you know that he knows you like funny cards.." Although slushy would have been good too. But beggars can't be choosers.

In eager anticipation I slowly open the card, hoping to God I recognise the handwriting, (apparantly secret admirers tend to be people you already know and seeing as this person had my name and address, I was already guessing it WAS someone I knew).
I opened it... To read this!

WHAT THE F***!
I screamed... Yes I actually talk out loud to myself. A Direct Marketing letter from a telecoms company that has the originality and brain power of an amoeba currently undergoing a mind enema!!!

The Marketing Executive for this company should be shot or at the very least fired (oh just realised the pun... none intended I swear!) for HIS gross incompotence to understand his target market! I say HE (in the loosest possible term and with great generosity), because only a bloke would seriously overlook the fact that single thirtysomething females, infact ANY single female would be over the fucking moon at receiving a valentines card on an otherwise shitty day. (When we say we are not bothered... TRUST me guys WE ARE!)

Phew! Need to calm down now... Anyway on a lighter note I have taken up a new hobby. Japanese Origami... The intricate and delicate art of paper folding to create works of three dimensional sculptures.
Last night I settled down to some much needed, calm inducing paper folding. I'm a big believer in saving paper so I decided to use the useless valentines card and with a few folds here and there created... A BARB HEADED SPIKE that I am going to ram up a certain orafice, where the sun rays have trouble shining of the Marketing Director at Greystone Telecom. Your mailing may have made me remember your company, but for all the wrong reasons. If you think that I or any other Single female that was unfortunate enough to receive this major marketing faux pas would ever do business with you then you your ego far outstretches your intelligence!

Need to go and meditate now... "Safe warm place, safe warm place!"

Poignant Moments That Change Your Life Forever

2008-01-24T12:19:00.001Z

I have had one of the most profound, insightful weekends of my life thus far and there have been quite a few of those in my dark and dingy past I can tell you.

What the hell am I babbling about? Well it all has to do with my NLP Master Practitioners course that I am taking over a ten month period. Once a month I meet with wonderful like minded people as we grapple with our own perceptions of life, values and beliefs, psychoses and neuroses that we have all managed to carry around with us since childhood.

When you hear someone say “Oh I can’t be bothered with him/her, he/she has too much emotional baggage.” Well guess what? If you begin scratching away at that person’s surface you will find enough baggage to keep a psychiatrist in business for the rest of his life. Everything we are brought up to believe in is somehow someone else’s values and beliefs on their perceptions and viewpoints of the world, not to mention the social constraints that culture declares is right or wrong.
For instance, I had a friend who was in a miserable marriage. She knew her husband felt indifference towards her and the fact that she was miles away from the comfort of her tribe (family), yet she stuck out the torment and misery for years, because
a) Marriage was for life no matter how miserable you make one another, its an endurance not an enjoyment.(someone else’s value)
b) Who else would want her? (someone else’s belief)
c) She didn’t want to be left on the shelf. (her belief)
d) Marriage would prevent her from being alone ever again. (her value)
So here’s my friend with all the incongruence that she knows contradicts with how she was feeling and so she told no-one and suffered in silence. Until it all got too much and one day she just disappeared.

Yes she actually ran away from her own marital home, because she was worried about what other people thought, her family, her friends and even acquaintances she hardly knew! In everyone else’s reality though, they didn’t care that her marriage had fallen spectacularly apart, the people who truly knew her and cared deeply for her just wanted her home safe and sound, to be happy with how she lived her life (after all it was her own to live it as she saw fit!), in fact most people were actually relieved she had finally seen the light and no judgments were passed, much to the surprise of my friend. She realised that she hadn't failed in her marriage (which she did enter into believing it was for the rest of her life), merely they had drifted apart and were living seperate lives under one roof.

So the lesson I learned this weekend was this. Just because we think we ‘know what other people are thinking and feeling, it does not necessarily mean that they are!’

Oh and here’s another knew belief ‘I am dependant on myself therefore I am independent and inter-dependant.’ This may be dead obvious to some of you, but for me it has taken a NLP Practitioners Qualification and five months studying Master level to get this concept!

Toodle Pips

Oh and you are probably wondering who my friend is.
Well….My Friend Is Me! (yep another new belief)

Film Fest For 2008

2008-01-13T11:04:00.001Z

I have begun 2008 in a pretty uneventful splutter. So much so I still wish I was in 2007.

I have managed to finally, finally finish editing Demon Lupus, my second book in The Beyond Series and I am very pleased with it. I am sending this to the publishers tomorrow, so I will be putting the finishing touches to the submission pack today.

I haven't watched any films for quite a while so I decided to watch St Trinians at the cinema last weekend. There were some funny bits in it from Rupert Everett, but it was generally Meh! I used to love St Trinians as a kid and I always wanted to go to boarding school, probably because I thought it would be madness and mayhem and the teachers would let me get up to mischief. Kids today have Harry Potter and Hogwarts, as a child I had The Worst Witch and Miss Cackles Academy and of course St Trinians. Ahhh... just reminiscing.

I also watched Captivity on DVD this week. What a pile of pants! I hired this film because I wanted some research for my next book on how people deal with Abduction and being held against their will, but this provided me with neither. As soon as the film makers threw in the hunky man also being held hostage in an adjoining cell, I was like "Oi Oi! He's the kidnappers accomplice. In fact I skipped through all the torture scenes, which were getting quite tiresome by the time the kidnapper forced his pretty victim to shoot her beloved dog and drink a human eyeball smoothie! And sure enough they we gay lovers who played with women until they cracked! Maybe it's because I write so many plots for my own books that I can see a storyline emerging before half way into the story. Film Rating: Meh! Meh!

It's no different with plays at the theater either. Saiqa and I were watching a play at the Lowry Theatre in Salford a few years ago now, but after the second scene I leaned across to her and whispered, "It's about Incest!" She looks back at me as if I am nuts. I say "They're brother and sister and the narrator on the rocking chair is their father!" Sure enough I was right.. So the lesson here is that if you don't want a spoiler then don't come to the theatre with me... Although I have learnt to keep my mouth shut since them. Pity I can't remember the name of the play.

I can't bear to watch Soaps either... They are the most predictable pile of popular TV tripe. As soon as a new character walks on the Street or around the Square. I sit there and point at the tele: "Well he'll be run over and kick the bucket by his long lost alcoholic father by a week on Tuesday and she'll be a single gym slip mother in less than six months... He'll become the local villain, and despite having more boyfriends than soft mic. She'll suddenly come out of the wardrobe as a raving Lesbian" So on and so forth. ((Yawn, Yawn))...

The last film I watched on DVD this week was Blood and Chocolate. I thought this would be the werewolf film I was waiting for, but it turned out to be a romance about forbidden love. Sort of Romeo and Juliette, but Jules is a pack wolf. Even the hunt scenes were mediocre. Sorry Annette Curtis Klause, but I just hope the book was better.

The closest to a werewolf film I actually enjoyed was Cursed with Christina Ricci, however I was irked that the wolf was portrayed as evil.Her character and her brother managed to overthrow both evil werewolves and skipped off in the sunset as saved souls... Now a great ending would have been that her and brother were unable to defeat the Alpha wolf, but changed into fully fledged shape shifters and then see how they would have coped with that!!!

I should be a screen writer!!!

I have decided to make some resolutions with a bit of a difference. I'm going to socialise strategically this year to get myself and my best mate a pair of hunky fellas and we are starting with a spot of speed dating. I'm looking forward to this form of dating because there cannot possibly be any awkward silences as I believe you only get three minutes each to talk. Which suits me just fine.
I will blog my experiences when I finally go.

The Changling A Jacobean Epic at The Lowry

2007-12-11T12:55:00.003Z

I have been hiding away in my little hidy hole for far too long writing and editing my second book in the Beyond Series, Demon Lupus. Hopefully I should have this out to the publishers by Christmas...Day!!

But all work and no play makes Alison a very dull girl indeed. So for my birthday last week I decided to take myself off to the Lowry Theatre in Salford for an evening of culture.

I read a review in my local paper about a Jacobean Revenge drama written in 1622 by Thomas Middleton and William Rowley. It is sexually explicit as well as violent and mixes the two with tragic effect.

Set in Roman Catholic Spain, the play centres around a love triangle. The aristocratic Beatrice-Joanna is in Love with Alsemero, but her controlling father wishes her to marry well to Alsono de Piracquo. DeFlores (the deflowerer) is in love with his Masters daughter who is reviled by his scars and deformity.

Hardly surprising then that this love sick man servant will do anything to help out Beatrice and murders her future husband. She tries to pay him in gold and rid him from the court, but DeFlores decides he will take his payment in kind.

Initially she finds her predicament intolerable, until Deflores murders again for her and she realises this man is the love of her life, because he will do anything to protect her and their secret. Needless to say her newly wedded hubby Alsemero grows suspicious and challenges them both with quite horrific consequences.... I was sat near the front of the stage and I thought I was to be sprayed with blood when Beatrice gave her dramatic dying speech before flopping dead onto the boards!

I won't give everything away as I think it should be something that every discerning theatre boff should see at some point in their lives. I can see why critics hail it as the greatest tragedy in English Theatre since Shakespeare. Personally I just wanted to see how how explicit the sex scenes were!!!

Happy Halloween! All Hallows Eve! Samhain

2007-10-30T13:29:00.001Z

This is a quick blog, but I wanted to share the great Halloween howlers with you.

"Don't Move Punk or the Pumpkin Gets it!"

Drunk Pumpkin!

Pumpkin Kruger!

Eeeewwww! Sick Pumpkin.

Flashers!

Awwwwww! What? I had to put something cute in!
TTFN
Ali xx

Didikai Witch Synopsis

2007-10-10T11:55:00.001Z

Okay This Book is NOW ON SALE click CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE

So I thought I would blog the synopsis and a photo...

Amethyst Romanov is a powerful witch. She is the descendant of an ancient and illustrious line of spell-workers and is believed to be the prophesised one. She and her clan reside in one of four castles around the UK and live as virtual recluses. Her life revolves around the fortified walls and leaving the grounds without the Elders permission or without a male chaperone is unthinkable.

Tragedy befalls her family and coven; she is blamed for the apocalypse and cast out of the safety and security that Amethyst has ever known in Avalonia. She must fend for herself in the modern world of humans, known only to her and her clan as The Beyond.

Amethysts brother Michael, a sorcerer whose reputation proceeds him in the supernatural world, helps her to try and adjust to modern life, but once left alone she is befriended by a group of psychic mediums who call themselves the Daryavaush. They enjoy nothing more than the thrill of paranormal investigations. Whether they are following ghosts, witches, demons, or the blood lust shape-shifters; trouble is never far behind them.

Can she trust the Daryavaush? Will she ever learn to survive the madness of modern life? Can mobile phones, modems and magic really co-exist? Who is the mystery creature following her in The Beyond and will Avalonia ever accept their outcast gypsy witch, their Didikai Witch back into the fold?

Glastonbury 2007 Sunday and Monday

2007-08-17T10:01:00.001Z

Finally. I can finish off this damn blasted blog about Glastonbury....Two months later.

I will feel empty and incomplete if I don't post it, so I am driven by an invisible force to complete this then I can finally move on. I hate unfinished business.

So Sunday... This is where the whole mud and shit really started to get to me. I woke up to the sounds of people retching, farting and pissing around the tent and I lay there in extreme discomfort (despite having an airbed) listening to the rain beating down on the tent and waiting for us to be washed away in a tidal wave of farmers crap.

I thought to myself, "Christ Ali, you are a thirty four year old woman pretending you are still Eighteen. You should be curled up in your super duper extra comfy bed at home with the heating on and a steaming hot cuppa tea."
I understand now why so many people take drugs at these events... It's to forget just how uncomfortable it all is. The music and experience was fantastic, but the hostelry amenities SUCKED!

Enough of my moans and groans, although I do think I now have a permanent crick in my neck. Any volunteers to massage it out for me?

Sunday was just as much fun though. After a hearty breakfast of Sweet and Sour Chicken and Egg Fried Rice!!! I know! It was the only place where you could sit down and eat...And I am NOT known for my virtuous Patience when it comes to having to queue for ANYTHING... Even sneeked into the Men's Pigs Troughs and hovered over the urinal, when I was really desperate, as The She Pee Tent was always full!! Even Men queued up for it... Hello! What part of "SHE and PEE" do you not understand? I think some pervs just wanted to watch women defy laws of nature and stand up to piss for a change!

Anyway, we went to the Lost Vagueness area, where you could get married to your pet parrot if you wanted to, but this place was wholly depressing. It was a mud strip, with just the odd party animal still dancing in the make shift American Diner, probably staggered there the night before looking for a Tipi and got completely Lost... They did seem a bit Vague too.
Not Sure why there were Dodgem cars here, but I posed for the camera anyway.

Then we went to see some more comedy acts because, yes you guessed it, it poured down again. So I thought "Bollocks to it. LGP!" and to hell with the consequences.

So we ended up in the disco area listening to Pendulum and dancing wildly about. I did actually like this band, mainly for the rocking drumming over dance music, but I forgot to get my glow sticks, so I felt all empty and hollow and a deep sense of loss at not looking like a tit for a change!

The Horrors were awesome and completely bonkers. Fantastic Punk Rock Bond. I think they had to be the highlight of the day for me. The lead singer reminded me of a young Iggy Pop, The guitarist, a young Slash, but with lots of blond streaks, The keyboard player and young Fester Adams (with hair) and the drummer a Young Ringo Star!

By the end of the day I was giddier than a giddy kipper, and threw some mud at Rich. Of course this ended up in a full blown mud fight. So I decided to rub my entire face in mud before Rich did it for me. Hmmmm I think I got a few strange looks at this point, because I forgot I had nothing to wash it off with and within an hour it had dried harder than and Avon Cosmetics Mud Pack. It was cracking and crumbling all over my face and I think I pulled a few hairs out whilst trying to peel the concrete off. On a postitive note though I did wake up the next morning with lovely soft skin.

Monday was dismal, not only did we have to trek miles back to the car in mud, but it poured with rain. Then, when we got in the car we had to sit in a traffic jam for f*****g ages.... This part of the weekend is far too traumatic to relive. So I will stop there.
TTFN

Glastonbury 2007 Saturday Part 2

2007-07-26T15:57:00.002Z

This day was serious fun.
Bearing in mind I didn't get to bed until 6 am and got up again at 10am when the music started on The Park and The Pyramid Stage roadies began testing the mikes and drums, "One. Two..Twoo Twoo..." Bless they can't count passed Two.

First of all we went into the Hara Krishna tent, just for the atmosphere of peace and tranquility and some possible free breakfast... Until I saw the gray 'papia mache' slop they were serving up and decided to fork out £5 for some kind of reconstituted meat based product from the other food stalls!
I tried to sing along to the Hara Krishna songs, but alas they were far too difficult for me to remember all the words!!
I think it went something like..."Hare Hare, Rama Rama, Krishna Krishna, Mung Beans and Lentils!" Well that was what I was singing anyway!

Rich "Ladyboy" Day, My Festival Buddy, suggested we go off shopping on our own to find suitable Saturday Glastonbury attire for one another. So with my £10 in hand I went off in search of a fantastic outfit, unique for Rich.
We met up a few hours later and decided to sink a few beers in the Queens Head Marquee whilst singing along to the "Sony Kareoke machine doo dah thingy majig!" Oh I don't know what it was called. Lots of drunk people got up and sang songs!!

Then we headed back to camp to prepare ourselves for the gift swop and dressing up in really mad clothes just for one night only!
This is what Rich bought me.

I think I look pretty spiffing as a Boho Hippy Glasto Chick!

This was my masterpiece! I even did his makeup. I have decided that as a creative person, I may diversify into the world of Live Human Art. This Creation I am going to call ""THE HIDDEN MAN""

Someone actually complimented me on the look citing it to be Soooo Avant Garde!!! Likkle old me!

We also decided to do a spot Freelance advertising for my debut novel Didikai Witch. I mean how often do you get a bloke in a glittery boob tube and Cerise Pink feather eyelashes wandering around. Everyone was staring at him, it was a great marketing move.

I know I look like Marilyn Manson had just snogged my face off, but I was meant to look like that. I had always wanted to walk around in public with really smudged lipstick all over my face and not worry. One woman approched me and was about to inform me of my makeup up faux pas then realised the irony on my face and made a quick exit into the crowd. Hee hee! That was whilst I was watching Iggy Pop and the stooges. What a showman, he encouraged about two hundred members of the audience to get up on stage with him and called them The Glastonbury Dancers. Someone in the Crowd on stage had a banner he was waving about that said "Bring Back Wispa Chocolate!" Brilliant!

Another lovely lady said I looked stunning and ready for a wild night out painting the festival red! And I did! Fantastic Day.

Glastonbury Festival 2007 Saturday

2007-07-12T11:51:00.001Z

Okay I am a bit behind on my blogging of said event, but I have been tenaciously revising for my NLP Practioners Exams since I got back. (Of which I have now passed, Hurray!)

Anyway back to the story of Glastonbury.
Saturday was a little unusual to say the least. I was awake at 6am because I hadn't yet gone to bed. Myself, Rich and a couple of the others from the gang Jim, Rick and Ricks girlfriend, (sorry girlfriend of Rick, but I had been awake for twenty four hours sporadically necking back cans of lager. So please forgive me and my pickled brain.)

We had stayed up all night so we could watch the Solstice sun rise between the stones in the stone circle feild (and yes they really have been there for thousands of years.) What a fantastic place! Now as I am a practising Reiki Master, I do work with energy now and then, >;0) but when I stood in the centre of the stone circle and watched the dawn break over the horizon, I could feel the ripple through my feet. I must have been stood on a ley line. Anyway it was amazing and an experience I won't forget in a hurry. I can still see and hear Jim and Rick sat on top of the stones playing their bongo drums.

I am going to do another blog for the rest of Saturday, because I wanted to keep this amazing experience separate and whole all on it's own.
Ah Thank you! XXHugsXX

OH and the pictures of Thursday at Glastonbury have now been added to the post.

Glastonbury 2007 Friday

2007-07-04T12:13:00.001Z

I may have some trouble recollecting this day as a few too many beers were consumed, but here goes.
It absolutely bucketed it down. I am now convinced that Glastonbury is a three dimensional portal to Hell, Englands very own Hell Mouth, because it was sunny everywhere else except Glasto. Honestly, as you drove into the village the heavens opened and as you drove out again the sun came out. Twilight Zone or what?

Anyway, to shelter from the worst of the torrential downpours we sat in the Cabaret Marquee quite a bit, which was great for resting tired tootsies. Watched a fantastic show by Big Beats. They drummed on all sorts of items from shopping trolleys to kitchen sinks. A bit like the show Stomp, but without all the stomping!

We then watched Amy Winoe-house who was surprisingly sober, but it was only 3pm. Apparently someone said she had the twitches by the time they saw her on the Jazz Stage later that night. This was us sort of watching Amy. As you can see my wellies were never quite the same. Poor wellies. They sit forlornly in my kitchen still caked in mud.

I missed the Fratellis, because I fell asleep in my tent, Richard thought it would be fun to take a photo of me in alchohol induced sleep.

But I managed to get to the Pyramid stage just in time to see Kasabian. Great to see them again, but why oh why do they have to insist on calling me a fucker every time I go to watch them play? A girl could start to get a complex.

Lost Richard on several occasions, thank God for walkie talkies is what I say. They were pretty cool. I felt like I was on some covert operation. "Ksch Ksch that's a big ten four, over and out Rubber Duckie" Great fun.

This was meant to be The Waterboys.

I finally ended up at the Avalon Tent watching the Waterboys. Fantastic! Highlight of the day. The energy from the band and the crowd was electric. Tried taking a photo of them pogo hopping about the stage, but a very friendly hippy stood next to me pointed out that the lights on the stage were too bright. And he was quite right. Amazing! I thought hippies shunned anything remotely Techno? I didn't worry too much though, I just had another 7% proof Pear Cider and the world seemed a much better place.

Glastonbury Festival 2007 Thursday

2007-07-02T11:45:00.001Z

Yes I was there!

What a blast! I can now tick off another ambition acheived off my "before I turn 40 list"! The festival of all festivals.

We arrived Thursday afternoon and we were very fortunate to have friends who had already pitched up our tent on Pennard Hill Camp, which was the best field (personal opinion) for camping, because as the heavens opened our tents remained mud free due to us camping on a slant.

(Just arrived)

Although we did have trouble finding our tent the first night there. Too many lagers whilst still getting your bearings in 900 acres of farmland and sharing this space with 137,000 other revellers is not congenial to finding a Orangy/brown (thank you Richard) two man tent. I had visions of propping myself up on a hedgerow all night, like the poor bastard dressed in just his boxers and green wellies who had clearly over done it on the pear cider, uppers and downers all in one sitting. Boy I bet he had a hangover the next day.
(Enjoying a beer, thats toilet paper wrapped around my head, because I had left my bandana back at the tent.)

We went to see The Beat in the Leftfield tent that night, as there wasn't much else on, but I did begin to get my reggae type stomp down to a tea by the end of the show.

(Richard is The Karate Kid, aren't you Daniel son.)

I also faced my worse fears after four cans of lager. The dreaded portaloos. Now I have spent the last few years at concerts and festivals, working my way up to the biggy. And my affiliation with the portaloo has grown up with me. I went to Reading Festival and refused to go on anything except a porclain flushing pot. Then at V Festival last year I had no choice but to use the plastic cabin loos. I could cope with this as they did keep them well stocked with toilet roll and sanitary hand cleaners and you couldn't see what anyone else had diposed of. I thought I was doing really well until I saw The Green Glastonbury Crappers.

(Richard pointed out to me that he would always know which loo I was in due to the unusually decorated wellies.)

Dear Lord! Now I know when I said to the gang, I was going to Christain the toilet for my first Glastonbury piss, everyone shouted back
"What ever you do don't look down!" Of course I couldn't resist. Well! I have never seen anything like it. Some abnormal creature had left a dump the size of an elephant shit. No human could possibly pass such solid without abnormal bowel movements and a serious dose of piles to boot.

(Trauma at seeing Elephant Poo!)

Pictures will follow! >;0)

Of the weekend, not the Elephant Poo! Silly. (This bit was posted before I had the Piccy's, If anyone is wondering or even cares.)

Office Suite, Funny or No?

2007-06-15T15:19:00.001Z

Last Saturday I went to the theatre again. This time to see Alan Bennetts comedy Office Suite. I did enjoy this play and the first half was hilarious. We were sat right at the front again. (No rubbish seats up in the Gods for me. No Sirree Bob. And believe me the cheap seats really were high up. I got vertigo just looking up at them!)
Anyway, because we were on the front row, we got to see their expressions really clearly. Normally this shouldn't matter in a theatre, but the facial expressions Patricia Routledge pulls are hilarious. She played the character of a stuffy old spinster office worker who had nothing in her life except her job, a short of cross between her Hyacinthe Bucket character in Keeping Up Appearances and Nora Batty of Last of the Summer Wine.

The second half was a bit pants to say the least and I caught myself yawning a couple of times. It reminded me more of watching a school play, rather than two experienced thespians treading the boards. It was generally about two lazy office workers, who pushed paper around all day, one the outspoken bully, the other her dim witted side kick. It was okay I guess, and I suppose I can say I have seen it, but I will not return to see it repeatedly like these mad 'Les Mis' and 'Phantom of the Opera' fans. Do these repeat offenders forget the plot or something so they have to keep going back to remind themselves of what happened? Barking if you ask me! Once you have seen it, move on. Don't get stuck in a culture loop, like Ground Hog Day. Try something new!

SIX DAYS TO GLASTONBURY! YEE HAA!

"It's a Wor with a W and a Wor with an O"

2007-06-13T11:35:00.002Z

Well this is going to be a fun blog, (unless something drastic happens outside my window any minute now!)
Yikes! Flying Pigs and Cows Nesting in Trees...
Just kidding! Chill Baby! Cows really can't climb trees. I think! Must Google and check!>;0)

Anyway where was I? Oh yes fun blog.
I have recently been rummaging through my drawers (Ah hem, No sniggering at the back thankyou, you filthy swines.) I was actually looking for some evidence of my inspiration to write when I was younger for "Show and tell" for My Space Blog and I came across this wonderful little Jewel that I had forgotton all about from my dim and distant past.

Now I am not claiming that this inspired to me to write by any stretch of the imagination, but I did love it all the same, hence I have decided to throw in a Book Review on Non Other Than... (Drum Roll)....

W.O.R.Z.E.L Gummidge!!!! Yeah!

I loved this tatter old scarecrow because he always got into so many scrapes and lots of food fights with "Aunt Sthally" (Sally, He had a particularly nasty lisp!)
Here's food for thought... Do you think he and Sally got down Giggy with it? Can you imagine a wooden fairground doll and a dried out scarecrow, stuff with straw, banging away in some farm yard barn... The friction burn alone would be enough to cause at least a small smouldering bush fire!!

I also had the upmost respect for him because he was also once Doctor Who! I personally think he kept his Doctor Who head in his suitcase, just in case Davros the Dalek leader invaded earth again. (He could change his heads! And now you begin to understand why I get a thrill out of horror stories!)Okay, I am getting a tad surreal now.

And before anyone can shoot me down in flames the use of the word "Chocklit" was not invented by the brilliant Matt Lucas as Margery Daws in his "Fat Fighters" scene in the Little Britain series, it was in fact Worzel who said it first and if you don't beleive me then read the book.

In fact read the book anyway, if are of a certain age (not neccessarily of certain maturity!) you will definitely appreciate it. You can find it on sale in all good Antique book shops and on most car boot sales!

Nuff said. I am off for a "Nice cuppa tea and a sthlice of chocklit cake. That I am!"

Cats The Musical

2007-06-08T12:09:00.001Z

I was treading the old boards of the Manchester Opera House last night.
Okay I am not an actress...Well professional one anyway. But I did go up on stage during the interval to get Old Deuteronomy's Autograph. I am of course talking about Cats. Yes the poor guy sat there throughout the whole interval sweating like an old fat cat, signing our programmes.

It was a great night and I really enjoyed the fact that the cast walk into and interact with the audience. Although it was really freaky when they stared at you for just a bit too long. One poor woman curled herself up in the foetal position and held onto her hubby for dear life when Bustopher Jones stared at her for ages in Jellicle Cats routine.

At one point I nearly pissed myself as well though, because one of the cats leapt off the stage and landed right at my feet. (I was fortunate enough to get front row centre seats. Only the best Darlings!). Of course we couldn't go to the theatre and NOT have a discussion about the male dancers "packages". All that lycra and not a ball bag in sight! We wondered where they were hiding them, until one guy's must have fallen out of whatever it had been neatly tucked in, because I got quite an eyeful when he did a high kick right in front of my face!!

Oh and apparently there was a bit of a commotion before the lights went down because some bird from Coronation Street floated past us in the shortest belt or maybe it was a scarf, I have ever seen in my life. (Not talking like an old Thirty Something frump here or anything, but all the same). Of Course I was completely oblivious to who she was because I don't watch crap on Television. I just noticed her because her legs stretched up to her damned armpits!

Anyway I think I am turning into a bit of Culture Vulture as I am off to the Theatre on Saturday night to watch a comedy Office Suite and hopefully going to watch a gritty play at The Library Theatre "Someone to watch Over Me".

Have a great Weekend

I Have Found a New Addictive Hobby

2007-06-05T11:14:00.000Z

I have been neglecting my journal blog of late and I feel quite guilty about this, but I have been busy building up My Space which has taken time. I am getting there with it and enjoying watching it develop. Plus I have been in Mad Manic Writing Woman mode as I have discovered a top notch National writing competition. The first prize is a publishing contract with a top Publishing house in London. It is being judged by Best Selling UK authors of contemporary fiction, which is a double whammy in my eyes because I would much rather have a fellow author judge my talent rather than some stuffy editor!

So I have been working my tight little ass off (okay, I am deluding myself. It may be a little bit wobbly) to get my Second Book Demon Lupus finished by the 2nd of July (that includes a quick proof read and edit). This is no mean feat as I still have to put in an eight hour shift at work, run a Massage Therapy business and study for my up and coming NLP Practitioner exams. (Wheeze!!! Just coming up for air!) So I am prepared to fore go on my social life for the time being, but the good news is I will finish the book two months ahead of schedule, (hopefully). So that means at the moment I am living on adrenalin, five hours sleep and enough PG Tips Tea to sink a battle ship. I am having fun though.

So what is my NEW addiction? Ghost Squad video game. This is the coolest. I discovered it in a caravan park amusement arcade over the weekend when I visited my brother and family for a day and night whilst they were on holiday in Wales. My little niece is a Slot Head... She plays on the two pence slot machines constantly. She won a free Video Game coupon and gave it to her Favourite Auntie Eye Eye as a present. I thought it would be rude not to use the token, so I took it to the young man in the booth who asked me which game I wanted to go on.

Now really at this point I actually wanted to go on the dancing game, (I fancied myself as the high kicking, yoga loving Madonna in her "I don't wanna know" video), but there were too many kids hanging around and dancing like they had been professionally trained for years. I didn't want to embarrass myself as the sad 'Oldie' trying to prove she is still fit and youthful. Ha ha! So I turned my attention to the corner of the arcade, which was quiet and thankfully free from Clever Clogs Techno Kids. And there it was in all its glory. The SAS Commando style Ghost (Global Humanitarian Operation & Special Tactics) Squad complete with real life replica machine gun and I salivated.

My mum said I am a blood thirsty vicious woman, (Yeah, I write blood lust Novels...And your point is?), who watched me in disbelief as I put in coin after coin, once I had played my first free game. I actually felt I was on a mission to rescue some hostages from a hijacked plane. (Although I did accidentally shoot a few of them in the beginning when I mistook them for terrorists! Ooops!) So I have decided, if I ever make any decent money from my books the first thing I am buying is this!! Regarde.

"You'll have an exhilarating experience through this GUN SHOOTING GAME, which reproduces Special Forces' operations, full of reality and a machine gun."
And they are not wrong there HO HO! >;0)

Dressing up is so much fun.

2007-05-21T10:51:00.005Z

Howdy doody dudes!

I had another fab, fab weekend and ended up in my favourite bar Prohibition, (you know the Dark Gothic meets Venetian renaissance)in Manchester on Saturday.

Anyway I would like to continue the fancy dress theme in Misfit Gallery, because I have found some more cracking photos over the weekend of some fabulous fancy dress evenings;

So here I am in a holiday resort in Spain, at about eight years old dressed up as a rag doll!! I know it's a bit sad, but hey, I'm just grateful I wasn't the poor sod that had to dress up as a Coca Cola Can with real straws sticking out of her head. Poor girl couldn't walk properly all night!

I just loved dressing up 70's retro. The Afghan coat was my friends mums coat (friend in picture) Dress was 50p from a charity shop. We organised another seventies night, but you can overload on the photo's.

Another favourite that came out of the fancy dress box more than once was the St Trinians school girl outfit. I guess I was such a swot at school this was my way of rebelling. Hmmm!

I love this one so much. My mate Andrew dressed up as Scream and doing something so ordinary like reading the paper in MY house. It was so surreal and scary at the same time.

This is from the same party as my Scream friend above. I always wanted to be a goth, but never had the nerve to rebel. But Fancy Dress rebellion was perfectly acceptable.

Okay this was when I worked for a very large banking institution when I was just seventeen. We were dressed up as footballers because Barclays sponsored the league back then. We were collecting for the local towns carnival. And it was here at this carnival, that I met a group of crazy like minded people who would turn my life around.
Dun Dun Durn!!

Fancy Dress in Misfits Gallery

2007-05-17T12:11:00.001Z

Hello and welcome to my new section, Misfits Gallery. I was actually looking for some photographs of me when I was younger. I mean really young and I discovered that my photos tended to follow a common theme. Fancy Dress. I loved to dress up as a kid and I still do to this day, so over the next few Posts I am going to go through an array of photos (mostly amusing) of some fun times when I have been able to don a mask and play a completely different character. One that normally would be kept safely hidden in the dark recesses of my scary mind. (That's why I love writing so much, you can daydream all you like and write down your thoughts without actually hurting anyone. Some people may hate it, others may love it. For those who don't then stop reading!!! Simple as that.)

Anyway where was I. Oh Yes. Once upon a time their lived a fairy princess who loved to dress up in mummy's clothes...
Awww don't I look cute? I think that was actually my Grandma's hat!

....Then one day she grew up....And nothing much changed!!
This was me as a Geisha Girl at a Murder on the Siberian Express evening. I love my murder mystery nights and once a year the same crowd got together and hosted a fantastic evening. Kev here was a strict chinese father (I think) and James played an upper class English Gentleman Explorer fresh back from his adventures in Africa. He played the part perfectly shouting "Whatto. Chocks away old bean." and my personal favourite. "Man The Trenches!" in mid dinner just for the hell of it. It was hilarious.

Here's another murder mystery night held at my house. It was a 1960's Bohemian London dinner party complete with Angel Delight!
Apparantly there were a lot of gangsters in London in the Sixties! Rich on the right was a loud drunken actor...No news there. And Chris on the far left was a hippy rock star.

Here's Nina playing an Alcoholic aristocrat that liked to hang out with the common folk! Dave played a great Gangster.

I was this diva artist and yes The Mad Meggy Moo Moo is wearing a Tiara... because she is The Duchess!

Eurovision Song Contest Should Be Scrapped

2007-05-14T14:00:00.002Z

Good Moodling fellow bloggers,

I have had a relatively okay kind of weekend. Been NLPing again, learning how people tick including myself, although sometimes I seriously wonder if I tock instead!

Anyway I was good on Saturday Night and stayed in, because of the course. So I thought I would watch Eurovision Song Contest. It was as good as all the other drivvel on Television these days.

God what a sad and humiliating display of sycophantic, brown nosing, political voting I have ever seen. Basically all the Countries were voting for their neighboring countries. It was sickening to watch. Of course I probably wouldn't be writing this if we were part of the main European Continent and not so obviously cut off from the rest of our fellow Europeans due to a small geographical problem called The Sea.

Anyway, can someone please tell me how this...

Got more votes than most and how the hell did IT manage to make it to the finals? Of course I am talking about the Ukraines entry that looks like a laboratory hybrid of Elton John and Gary Glitter that went horribly wrong and travelled in Bill and Teds Bogus Telephone box from thirty years ago.

And Oh don't think us Brits are getting off likely either... What was that pile of Cheesy Wotsit smelling, pile of Cat Dung we entered that had something vaguely to doing with flying in the Mile High Club...(at least I think that's what the song was about. They were dressed as Air Hostesses carrying aircraft guiding paddles weren't they?)

Anyway I think that The UK should hold there heads up high and bow out with some dignity and that Stiff Upper Lip we're so damn bally good at and leave the political/musically challenged arena for Eastern Europe to dominate.

Publishing News and Writing Progress has Moved Blogs

2007-05-10T07:53:00.000Z

That's right guys. My My Space is now fully operational although I have yet to Pimp My Space, but someone is going to show me next week, but I have posted my first blog. (and yes I have finally figured out how to put in a link) Darg nabbit!

The point of the My Space is to reach out to a wider audience and as My Website and My Space and this blog are all linked people can hop in and out. From now on this blog is purely for everyday journal entries and my occassional rant. My Space is purely about the progress in publishing and anything booky. (I guess I am trying to say it is my serious professional blog).

THERE WILL BE NO MORE ENTRIES ON THIS BLOG UNDER THE HEADINGS OF DIDIKAI WITCH AND PUBLISHING PROGRESS. Although I will still be writing my book reviews in here.

Tatah!

Bank Holidays??? Spiderman???

2007-05-08T12:24:00.001Z

I haven't had much real time to update my Blog recently and I have just found a nice little window to put in an entry about the weekend.

Well it didn't go quite as I had expected. The only major good thing that happened was I was attuned as a Reiki Master on Saturday and I was quite spiritually moved. Some weird coincidences happened too that I don't really wish to share with the whole of cyberspace, but suffice to say I cannot wait to do the honour of attuning my first Reiki pupil!

Sunday was a bit of a none starter as I was poorly sick and spent most of it in bed. (probably Reiki detoxifying or something hocus pocus like that!)

Monday, well I have to face facts. The undeniably sad, but pitiless truth. I am turning into a Middle Aged Saddo! Why? Because instead of gallivanting around the country with friends as I usually do, I spent Bank Holiday Monday at a Garden Centre, then pottered around the outside of my house making it look respectable for the rest of the neighbourhood in the afternoon. Argghhh! God is cruel!

However, I did watch Spiderman 3 at the pictures last night and I still love Toby Maguire in that cute geeky super hero kinda way. Despite him looking like a complete nerd as the bad ass Peter Parker in his black spidey outfit. What was all that sad funky jazz dancing down the street all about? They could have knocked half an hour off the films playing time and I wouldn't have ended up with aching kidneys because I was bursting for the loo, but didn't dare leave the auditorium for fear of missing a good bit. Oh and by the way Stan Lee... Please stop making cameo appearances in the films, we know you invented Spiderman and where would the world be if you hadn't, but face it you can't act...Ahem!
I think I have suitably recovered and feel back on form again. Ah Thank You.

Holidaying in Ayr, Bonny Scotland

2007-04-25T15:05:00.001Z

I have just returned from a long weekend in Ayr, in Scotland. What a wonderful part of the country. My second dream cottage will be purchased by the sea somewhere around there.
We went to Robert Burns birth place in Alloway and I bought the entire works of Robert Burns and I am going to plough through the book over the next eighteen months or so. If I read a poem a day I should be just about complete by the next decade.

Last night I Read Tam O'Shanter and I loved it. Probably because I had just visited all the places in the Tale the day before, Including Brig O'Doon. Yes I have a photo of me Dancing the Highland Fling across the famous Brig O'Doon. (But I haven't developed it yet so you will just have to wait for piccys).

We also went touring around Loch Doon and discovered where all the new age travellers hide out during the winter months. I am now inspired to buy and VW Camper Van and do a tour of Scottish Lochs, one summer... when I have a spare few weeks.

The weekend went far too quickly, but we did bump into this lovely couple who informed me of Scotland's National Book Town Close by in Wigtown. How fantastic was the place, a town full of independent bookshops. Naturally I took some time to canvas my own book Didikai Witch and what I fantastic response I received. So you see there is a thing called fate, coincedence or Spooky Dooky inexplicable providence! One chance comment led to a whole new world of opportunities.

Roll on Six weeks from now when I finally, finally, finally become a fully fledged published author! Getting impatient now!

Glastonbury Here We Come!!!! Yeehaa!!!

2007-04-24T12:25:00.001Z

Well I feel I have neglected my Blog somewhat over the last few weeks, due to a gruellingly busy schedule. (Is gruellingly a real word? I don't really know and don't care if I have just made it up.)

What with Reiki Masters, NLP and Enneagram courses coming out of my ears and inflitrating my already overloaded bread basket, I think I am doing quite well in managing not to 'overegg the pudding' this month!

Anyway I am incredibly excited for various reasons:

1. My website is fully constructed, and live on t'internet. I still have to sort out My Myspace.My My Space so don't look because it is dead goofy! And I need the links to the online bookshops that will be selling my thrilling new novel!! Apart from that it looks absolutely fab and I would just like to thank Vince and Phil from 11outof10 for another superb job and for their hardwork. It's brill. My Website Not sure if I have got this link thing working properly...Grrr, see links list opposite and click on that. (Anyone who can help me with this please let me know. I like my hair the way it is and don't wish to become folically challenged through self-inflicted frustration scalping).

2. We Have managed to get some tickets and finally we are going to Glastonbury Festival this summer!! So I went straight out and bought a pair of Skull and Crossbones wellies, that I have been spying on in a shoe shop window for months, but didn't want to tempt fate by buying them before we got the tickets. Well done Rich, The Princess can now go to the ball, or should I say, roughing it in a field full of cow pats and e-coli whislt slowly producing some interesting aromas that fester around the axilla and other unmentionable areas whilst listening to some fantastic music. >;0)

3. I had a major epiphany last week that has made me look on the world in a whole new light. I can't stop grinning and the future looks very rosy indeed! I feel like He-Man and The Masters of the Universe

Hurrah! I am back online

2007-04-13T18:44:00.000Z

Okay after nearly two weeks offline I am finally back. Yippee! I am supposed to be writing up the content for my new website, but I had this blogger urge to write something on my blog. God I think I am addicted.

A couple of observations whilst I was walking the Mad Meggy Moo Moo tonight. First a mother who shouted at her little girl for tipping a pram up with a baby in it because the little kid couldn't see over the damn handles and tripped up and fell. So this stupid woman then barks at her daughter "You are not wearing those shoes in public again."
Eh? Don't blame the kid and her shoes you daft bag, blame yourself for allowing a three foot high tiddlywink to push a pram along an uneven pavement. Then she shouts at the poor kid again because she wouldn't push the pram after that. Are you stoned woman? I have names for people who show such idiotic tendancies, but I am too polite to type them here.

Then whilst walking across the park, (with it being Friday night) a bunch of hoodies were stood around getting pissed on can of shandy light, when the gobby ring leader shouts across the park to a pretty young thing with long blonde hair, wearing a teeny weeny middrift baring ensemble.
"Oi, you in the yellow top? How old are yer?"
"15" She shouts back.
"Great I want your phone number now!"
And who said that teenagers of today struggle to communicate with one another because of the texting revolution, but I say love isn't dead just yet, you smooth talking love machine hoody you!

Glastonbury Denied!

2007-04-03T19:20:00.002Z

I am back to almost my normal self again, after last nights mega rant. Anyway, I still had a good weekend in one sense and disappointment in another. I don't seem to be having much luck in the concert department recently. First Evanescence cancelled their Manchester date and Sunday I spent over two hours on the Internet trying to get Glastonbury Tickets. They sold out 137000 tickets in 90 minutes!! Not to me though.
Bummer!

However, I had a fabulous night on Saturday. I went to my favourite bar in Manchester, Prohibition, which I love because of the gothic interior, black chandeliers and moody atmosphere. If I owned a bar I would like it to be themed like Prohibition or Egyptian/Morroccan Theme. Although it is getting a little too popular for my liking... It was packed (unlike a usual Saturday night). They were even queueing up outside to get in. Then we went on to Life to see a live cover band called "A Few Good Men". Need to check out My Space to see if I can find them on there. Nothing like dancing to live music at the end of a top night.

Telecom... Schmelecom! Bah Humbug

2007-04-02T19:43:00.002Z

Okay, I was going to catch up with the past five days, because I have been offline for various reasons, but this one takes the biscuit. Why?

Because my Blogging friends I am so naffed off with a certain telecommunications company it is UNREAL!

Okay, the company I work with have been planning to move for two months. So we rang up and booked a perfect SWITCH of telephone lines, so that on the day of the move it would be smooth and perfect. However, for the price of a minimum wage, they employ jumping monkeys!

By making one simple mistake this company switched off ALL, Yes ALL communications in my office! In an age of Computer Microchips and Advanced Technology, one mistake can turn off a company's outside link (because the computer says "NO!") to the business world in a millisecond, but try and turn it back on again and apparently it takes FIVE yes 5 days to switch it back on again.

When you try to get ALL communications back on, after their admittance of a mistake, they can switch on your phone, but broadband takes five effing days. I was told that each different department didn't talk to one another... you receive the regular schpiel "I don't work in that department... You have to call... Blah blah blah,"

Now I know why this particular company removed the slogan "It's good to Talk!" Because the bastards can't even (apparently) talk to themselves. Come on Guys you are a multinational, techno company... practice what you bloody well preach.>;0)
Rant Ends
Bah Humbug!!!!!!!!!

Office PA's

2007-03-29T12:31:00.001Z

You truly know when you have arrived as a big shot Manager in your company when you are finally awarded with your very own secretary.

I have been snowed under for weeks with work so I was thrilled when my boss agreed that I was indeed worthy of some extra office help.

My Very own Personal Assistant....He's particularly good at making cups of tea!

Earth Hour

2007-03-28T11:18:00.001Z

I have received an interesting mail today from one of my light worker friends and she is trying to encourage everyone in the world to turn off ALL their electricity for one full hour on 31st at 7.30pm to 8.30pm. Now this is meant to be an international event, but they don't give relevant time zones, which to me is a huge oversight, but if you want to know more check out
www.earthhour.org

If everyone switched off their lights you would actually be able to see the stars much more clearly and what's one hour out of 8766 hours in a year? I think the concept is great, humbling and honourable to be giving something back, but really is it practicle? Here were some ideas on what you could do for an hour without your TV or computer.

Take some binoculars and look at the stars; sit and talk by candlelight; (I like this idea, but the candlelight outside is out of the question, it's too damn windy where I live and before someone mentions lanterns, the wind always manages to engulf my lanterns and knock them over. Or they do in my instance and what if it's raining and miserably cold as I suspect it will be in Manchester, UK.)

Explore your backyard by torchlight; (My backyard is the size of a shoebox, which will take me all of five minutes to explore, ie one discarded christmas tree and a wheelie bin!)

Have a candlelit dinner; (And what, prey tell would I cook it with?)

Have fun with sparklers; or just do something non-electric as a
family; (Hmm now sparklers seem to only appear in shops around England in the run up to Guy Fawkes night, and something non electric, well lets see,
I could read...but I need light to read by, candlelight and reading are bad for your peepers.
I could play cards... Right with my Dog? I don't think so.
I could write... See the I could read bit.
I could have a conversation with someone...but I live alone, so I guess talking to myself for a full hour is nothing new there.
I could have a bath...Need electricity to spark up the combi boiler love.

You can see where this is going can't you? Now I know some of you will be saying, "well use a torch to read by or run the bath before you turn off the electricity or have the candle lit dinner and cook before the black out", but you see that defeats the whole object of this little exercise, because if we all cooked our meals and ran our baths just before the Earth Hour then there would be such a power surge of catastrophic proportions the planet would explode!! Okay maybe I am being a tad melodramatic there, but you get the gist?
Nanoo Nanoo Earthlings!

I Own a Flying Dog!

2007-03-27T09:55:00.000Z

Yes it's official, not only is my dog as Mad as a march hare, as nutty as a fruit cake, but I have now discovered that Meggy Moo Moo can actually fly! I took her out for a walk this weekend and certain areas were a tad on the muddy side and being a very particular Duchess she clearly didn't want dirty paws. So she took a running jump across a ten foot sludge ditch and I swear to God she cleared the damn thing. And just to prove to me she wasn't a fluke, she went back and did the leap of faith twice over. Amazing and very funny, I have to say.

Now I know I have been neglecting my duties as a blogger recently, but I have had my reasons. I have been sorting out my new website for the launch of my debut novel, Didikai Witch, courtesy of web designers 11 out of 10. Oooh I just have to say, I shook hands with a future Rock Legend too whilst I was at Vince's house discussing the website. Joe, his son is the very talented drummer in the band Sound Stripe, they came third in Manchester's recent Battle of The Band Competition. Check out their blog and My Space links.

The designs for the front cover of the book are coming along beautifully and I have literally just this second received the fully edited version of the book, I am really excited now. Must hide away and read said copy edit.
Byeee

Stating The Obvious

2007-03-22T13:02:00.000Z

I was walking the Mad Meggy Monster the other morning and it was bitterly cold (after the freak blizzard), but it was incredibly bright and sunny... I walked passed three fellow dog walkers who all said "brrrr it's not so warm!" No Shit Einstein! That's why I am walking around in a fleece lined coat and wearing extra woolly gloves, scarf and hat! If it was warm then I would be parading around in an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka-dot fucking bikini!

So why do people state the obvious? Is it because they cannot think of anything else to say? Personally at that time in a morning I am not really bothered if I don't speak to anyone, (not a morning person). Out of courtesy and good manners I am quite happy with a simple "good morning," but why do people then feel the need to add to that "Lovely sunny day," well of course it is numb nuts, that's why I am wearing fucking sun glasses!

Personally I think these people feel awkward during silences and feel the need to talk and babble out the first inane sentence that pops into their heads. It's an insecurity thing. Just my personal opinion.
Tatty Bye

Car Slalom

2007-03-21T12:39:00.001Z

Car Slalom is a new and interesting sport I have recently had the misfortune to experience. Like Blue Peter, you need a few essentials items before you get started.

All you need is a serious snow blizzard, a hill (preferably starting at the top before the snow begins to fall) a car, a blow out puncture, a roadside recovery insurance policy, if not then some sticky back plastic and a puncture repair kit will suffice when you finally reach the bottom of the slalom ski slope. You may also need a mobile phone with more battery power than a MB Games electrical toy like Operation, but this item is not essential!

Now the object of the exercise is to wait for the blowout puncture in one of your wheels (which sounds very much like a clacker anyway) then try to avoid as many cars parked on the roadside (despite the owners having driveways to park on the lazy buggers!) and breaking wildly, whilst all the while you know that the only way you are going to stop is by hitting something or artistically spinning the car sideways in a professional slalom skiers halt.

I wish I could say I performed the latter manoeuvre, but unfortunately I ended up performing a superb mount...of a grass verge and narrowly missed a tree!

The next part of the sport is to see how calm you can remain in said blizzard whilst you wait for some miserable fucker to come and rescue you. I waited two hours and he didn't even offer to let me sit in his cab to get warm while he changed my tyre! Sadly my poor phone died before rescue arrived. There is no moral to this story except that we all have times when we think the world is against us. I don't think that at all.....

.......I just think God hates me!

Come Closer by Sara Gran

2007-03-20T15:50:00.001Z

Afternoon All,

Today I have a book review of a demon thriller called Come Closer by Sara Gran. The book begins with the narrator having trouble with tapping pipes and she seems to be quite a suppressed character, always doing things to please other people instead. Creepily all these strange perverse behaviours like stubbing cigarettes out on her husbands leg and blacking out only to find the local shopkeeper dead and the narrator has blood spots on her blouse.

The strange behaviours become increasing disturbing and violent until it reaches a terrifying climax.

I really enjoyed this book as there is something very sinister about demon possession and the thought of not being in complete control of your own body and knowing that some else is taking you over must be really frightening. Anyway there were a couple of questions that left me thinking that either the author had forgotten to tidy up a few loose ends or that she has purposely left it open ended so that you the reader can draw your own conclusions (personally I don't like this, if your going to tell a story then tell the whole story please.)

The loose ends were as follows:
1, Did her husband have the affair with her family doctor and was the shrink in cahoots with them? (as he tried to persuade her to leave her husband and he knew things about her that only her husband should know.) OR
2, Were the shrink and family doctor fellow demons, who were persuading her to eat more salt because this would speed up the possession process.

This was all too ambiguous for me.

3, If Naamah is this all powerful demon as was hinted throughout the book then why didn't she use her power and strength to bump off a few psychiatric nurses and escape the lunatic asylum? OR

4, Maybe the author plans to bring out a sequel that will continue Naamahs mischief further.
I hope so, this book was short and snappy and easy to read.

The Problem with Pets

2007-03-17T10:41:00.003Z

Good Morning,
I am feeling bright and breezy this morning. I have just walked the Meg Monster and she has just had her fifth bath this week. Why? Because she is a dirty smelly creature that enjoys nothing more than to roll around in stinking bi-products that has fallen out of another animals behind!
She only does it now and then, but this week it has been every bloody day. I don't know, maybe she is pre-menstrual or something.

You know when you watch programmes like Pet Rescue, Animal Hospital or Animals Do The Funniest Things you think "Aww how cute I think I will go to a rescue centre and be a pet hero." but in reality it doesn't always do what it says on the tin.

Really what these rescue centres should do is issue you with your adoption certificate and a public health warning (even if it is in micro print at the bottom of the page). For Example:

"Congratulations! You have now successfully adopted your new pet. They will give you hours of fun and enjoyment, companionship and unconditional love. Please note the following:

Warning: Your new pet may become very excitable with it's new home, smells and surroundings. Do Not under any circumstances allow it into a newly carpeted room. The fresh factory smell intwined in the fibres may cause rapid bowel movements.

Warning: Your new pet may chew it's way through hundreds of metres of telephone cable during it's lifetime. Suggest taking out an engineers call out insurance policy with telecom company.

Warning: Do Not be alarmed if woken in the night by something soft and furry wriggling and huffing loudly under the duvet. It is not the night-time closet monster that torments your dreams... It is merely your new pet asserting it's Alpha status within the Pack.

Warning: Do Not turn your burglar alarm on at night when you retire to bed. Besides Telephone cables, your new pet's razor like jaws will be drawn to any white plastic cable. This chewing action may trigger the activated alarm, waking you and half the neighbourhood in the wee hours of the morn.

Warning: Your new pet may have an insecurity about personal hygiene and it's own body odour. Our survey amongst the canine community shows that 8 out of 10 dogs expressed a preference to eau de Fox shit or essence of duck dung. Advise you buy a jumbo size tub of shampoo!

Warning: Never leave your new pet for long periods (that's about five minutes, even if it is to nip to the corner shop for a tin of it's favourite horse meat!) They will become agitated and show their displeasure in one of the folowing ways:
a. Jump on your best settee and steal your favourite socks that have been warming nicely on the radiator, then hide them in their bed by lying on said socks.
b. Pull their own bed into the middle of the floor then somehow steal your favourite teddy bear high on a shelf and gouge out it's pretty glass eyes.
c. Pick up their food bowl full of biscuits and proceed to scatter them strategically around the house. (suggest wearing slippers around the house at all times, the little buggers hurt like hell when you step on them)
d. If your new pet pulls your bed throw, duvet and all pillows off your bed and drags them around the bedroom, you know they are seriously p***** off!

These are just a few guidelines to help you as a newly adoptive dog lover. Of course your new pet is completely selfless and will share and give generously at all times by offering you it's little brown jumping friends that live on it's back and behind it's ears from time to time and shedding several tonnes of fine white fur around your spotless home throughout it's lifetime. Suggest industrial strength insecticide and a powerful vacuum cleaner that won't let you down. Enjoy Your New Pet!"

Ah that's better. Off to do some writing on second book now my typing fingers are suitably warmed up.
Toodles >;0)

Comic Relief - The Big One

2007-03-16T23:39:00.000Z

Of course we know why all these famous stars are doing their bit and why I, like so many others donate to this telethon, because I have been watching the films of those who suffer in extreme poverty and I was moved to tears watching some of terrible pain and suffering that still continues to engulf third world countries. In a time where we have technology and medical advances we all take for granted, yet in some parts of the world people cannot even afford £1.50 for AVR medicine to help AIDS sufferers or £2.50 for a simple mosquito net to prevent pregnant mothers and their young children from catching malaria!

So dig deep and give generously... I am off to download Peter Kay and Little Britains version of The Proclaimers "Five Hundred Miles". The video is so cool... They have all these stars from a yesteryear, like the Krankies, Cannon and Ball and Benny from Crossroads...

Oh My God I have just seen our illustrious Leader, Prime Minister Tony Blair in a sketch with Catherine Tate getting his own back with the best line ever "Am I Bovvered?"
Amazing

Comic Relief - Red Nose Day

2007-03-16T22:12:00.000Z

Hey Big Nose and Ear fans.

This post is quite late for me, but I wanted to review Comic Relief as I was watching it live. It is the big fund raising event for British Television this year so far and they have currently raised £26 Million. WOW!

Currently watching Jeremy Clarkson Ranting about modern music. He pulled the plug (literally) on a rap band called Jizzy Tissue, It was hilarious. Supa Grass have just been blown away by a super charged fan...Cool! Now they have Justin Hawkins playing with the Top Gear crew. Laughing my ass off Jeremy Clarkson has dropped his drum sticks. Excellent!

Don't Take Rejection to Heart!

2007-03-15T12:46:00.002Z

Hi diddly hi hi...

God wouldn't that be annoying if someone ALWAYS greeted you with such cheery overtones and thrice over. It would irritate me as much as a cat clawing a chalk board or a Ned Flanders "Scrum-diddly-umptious"

Anyway I digress (as ever). Today I will mostly be talking about rejection. Why? Well I got an email from a friend and it tickled me no end. It must be my sadistic, sarcastic streak in me, but for those who find it difficult to brush off the unwanted attention from the opposite sex, regarde. For those who take rejection badly take note and get over it, your chat up lines are probably as lame as some of these anyway!

HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.

HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one of your own?

HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding.

HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.

HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.

HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Ahh I feel happy and empowered once more.
Ta Ra Lads 'n Lasses O'th' North >;0)

Back After a Short Interlude

2007-03-13T10:12:00.001Z

Hi All,

Well I have been a tad silent on the old blogger front the last week. A couple of reasons really. First I have been desperately trying to catch up on some homework for my NLP course that I attended this weekend. I really enjoyed this one as we were using metaphors to help people overcome whatever issue was hindering them in daily life. This was right up my street as I could really let my imagination run wild, you know the usual stuff Talking Dolphins...Catapillors and Space Invaders...hmmm!

The other reason I haven't blogged is because I have been busy working, massaging and writing (not that I am complaining, but as soon as I get busy on other projects I get in-undated with phone calls... seems half of Christendom have backache at the moment!). By the way Didikai Witch is in the copyediting stage and hopefully should be completed in a week or two, then it's off to the designers to finalize layout and cover. And Thirdly I just couldn't think of anything to write...Well I could, I always have ideas to write something, but these were ideas I could put in my novels so it will just have to jolly well stay a secret for now.

Quick observation here too. Did I just step into a time vortex or something? I was driving to work today and this kid in a scruffy school uniform and a mop haircut was cycling to school on a Chopper Bike. It was like watching an opening scene from The Professionals or Starsky and Hutch... I thought kids only road to school in 4X4 SUV's with tinted windows these days. Anyway it was a pleasure to see and it made me smile to be reminded of my smaller version of the Chopper as a kid...The TomaHawk!! I thought I was so cool bazzing around the streets on it pretending I was Ponch Arelo's cop partner in CHiPs. Der der dah der der....der der der de de dah de der...
TTFN 70's Cop Show Nerds.

I'm So Excited..... And I Just Can't Hide It

2007-03-06T12:15:00.000Z

I am having a super duper day today. My editor has told me that the book will be back to me all edited properly within a couple of weeks, my web designer has told me my website will be ready for the book launch and I actually managed to finish the other half of the chapter I started at weekend and didn't manage to finish. I should have been doing my NLP homework, but the compulsion to write was just too great..."Must...Write...10,000...Words...A...Week." Ah there I have said my mantra and I feel much better.

Loving my second book which is developing and shaping up nicely. I have a deadline that this book will be launched in or around November 2007. The plan is to publish two books a year until 2012. Then who knows what will happen. Play rights, Broadway. Film rights and Hollywood. "La La Land and Beyond" Sorry got to daydreaming there, but hey? A girl can dream can't she.

Thinking of setting up a My Space Techno thingy too. I think The Viral Campaign I was talking about last week, is setting up a blog on every blog provider and seeing which does the best. No-one has bothered to tell me if this is what Viral Campaigning is? Anyone?

Der... My Brain Hurts!

2007-03-05T12:44:00.000Z

Okay I have had a good, yet hectic weekend and I think I am suffering from nervous exhaustion. Friday night I stayed in, but a friend came round for coffee and girly chats.
Saturday I was hoping to complete a whole chapter of my second book, but only managed half of the chapter because I ended up taking my Grandmother to town, walking the Mad Megster, Shopping for food (which always helps if you want to stay alive!) and then finally I had a very relaxing facial. Unfortunately I got some of the Cool Marine Seaweed Collagen Day Time Moisturising Anti Wrinkle Eye Cream in my big brown peepers, so I was unable to see the computer very well for the rest of the afternoon, Grrrr!
Saturday night I went to the Dusty Miller with my mate Kevin and got slaughtered at pool. After two pints I figured I was the next Steve Davies and challenged a local guy from the pub's Pool team to a game. He took no prisoners. So much for the theory of chivalrous men letting a weak minded woman win a game of blummin Pot Black! Tsk tsk.
Sunday, Ah a day of rest! Not on your Nelly... I was studying all day NLP and I managed to answer a measly nine questions. Then I went out to one of these all you can eat for £8.00 public houses. I ate far too much and fell asleep Sunday evening without even typing a single word in my book that day. Hey ho maybe I should set back the launch date of my second book, at this rate I will be more wrinkled than a blummin Shar-Pei Puppy by the time I get this book finished.

Okay I am Rubbish at this Blogging and Linking Stuff

2007-03-02T09:15:00.002Z

Hi one and all. Actually it probably is just one person reading this, because I am soooo rubbish at this -blogging milarcky! I still can't figure out how to work this damn link "thingy me bobs"... Argh I hate technology. How the hell do I get more visitors to my blog?

I Googled Blog workshops and this company actually wants me to pay a fortune just to find out how this author went from a dozen people passing through his blog to having over 32000 in just two months and he amazingly got a two book deal to boot. What a lucky lucky guy!!!! They called it a viral campaign (sounds contagiously yucky to me). Now if anyone out there would like to fill me in on any of that please reply. No Techno Jargon please me no understand. I have been in Blogger help so much, but the words are all just gobble-dee-gook to me.

Anyway one thing I have recently learnt is the old adding a photo to my post. I know it's hard to tell isn't it!! So here's some more piccys of Birmingham weekend. And don't groan please.

Dave? Your lips are very rouged. Have you been sucking small green chillie peppers again? Hmmm...

This is a view from Dave and Rich's hotel bedroom. I didn't bother taking a picture from my bedroom window, I figured a multi storey car park and a pile of dustbins wouldn't really be that interesting. but as you can see we are quite high up and there are another fifteen or so floors above us. In England this hotel IS a sky scraper! Before the Raddison was built I think the Blackpool Tower was the tallest building in England...Oh except for that building in London that looks like a giant willy!(for those who don't know, Blackpool Tower is the English version of the Eiffel Tower.)

Another pint in another pub....Not sure if this was the Old Fox Inn or the Lamp Inn on one of Terry's infamous Tours... Have a great weekend.

Birmingham Weekend Part 2

2007-03-01T12:18:00.000Z

This is a very quick and lazy post today as I am really tapped out busy busy writer girl >;0)

Some Interesting Piccys from the weekend.

Taken in the 80's bar Reflex (I think because I wussed out and went to bed!) By the look on their faces I would guess they are in mid "Living on a Prayer" All mad Bon Jovi fans!

"Now Brian what have I told you about sniffing laughing gas!"

I was trying to look alluring with a smidge of attitude, but I ended up just looking pissed!

More piccys soon. Dave email please!

Oh and if anyone who appears on these photos, does not wish to appear on the blog, (whether it is because you are leading a double life or simply on the run from the law) then please contact me privately. Ah Thank you!

I Have Far Too Much Time on My Hands

2007-02-28T15:19:00.002Z

I found this on another Blog site by Grey Duck Another useless, but altogether amusing Meme, (still trying to figure out what it Memes, oops means... I mean. God Whatever!

Okay what you have to do is in Google Search Type "$(your name) looks like"
then copy and paste the top ten results. Heres Mine.

1.wow the first Alison looks like the girl from xray spex.(I had to Google to my first Google and discovered they were a mad cap 1975 band and I look NOTHING like her! "Scoff")

2."Alison looks like": -a soccer mom gone mad (gun-toter!). -a pirate, but a very lovely one. -she wishes her winged unicorn would sweep in and whisk her away.(Hmm.. okay. Lots going on here. First I am neither a mUm or mad. ah hem! I have been known to dress up as a witch from time to time but never a pirate. Yes I am lovely... and I have never seen a unicorn sweep before (images of horny horses with a broom) a flying unicorn could perhaps swoop.. tsk tsk bad grammar..)

3. Am I the only one who thinks Alison looks like Starbuck on BG? (Battlestar Galactica oh how I loved Starbuck, although Dirk Benedict was recently on a British Reality show and I was deeply shocked. Yurgh)

4. alison gwen & jack.. um alison looks like shes in paiiiiiin. waaaaddup. cool.. shut up. WOOO PARTYYY .. i love how everyone was juss on top of me like i was ...(OMG!! Did this author actually go to school? It's like a blogger on Crack Cocaine. I'm exhausted just reading this.

5. Wayne then looks across at where Alison's sitting with Charlie and Isabella and comments, "Look at Alison: looks like she's been chewing lemons all ...(Well I can look like I have swallowed something citrus, when people p*** me off!)

6. Here's a picture with a bunch of people and Alison looks like a pirate, but a very lovely one. One that is clean, and not wearing too much eyeliner. (What is it with Bloody Pirates?)

7. yay) "Alison looks like she has a lightning bolt through her head" (that amused me) ...(I also have Bolts through my neck and a square head. Find that amusing too Hey?)

8. Alison looks like she'd be a good ride and she has an ******* which is always a plus. Chicks with ******* are usually freaks in the sack ...(Ah Hem... No Comment.)

9. Wow, when I first read the post, I thought “Helen” was Alison’s mother, and I found it so moving that she would note (correctly) that Alison looks like a ...(DYKE! Yes I had to click on this sight as it was a blog called Dykes to watch out for.... and boy was Alison scary... I think she was sat in deer poo!)

10.Buy Alison Looks Like on eBay. (Hmm My Personal favourite, those bloody Ebayer's get everywhere, I would like to declare that Ebay are Lying. There is no such item that can be purchased called an Alison Looks Like.)

Hey ho that passed away an hour. Cherrio >;0)

Woody Woodpecker's Stirring's of Spring

2007-02-27T13:02:00.000Z

I had a wonderful peaceful walk around The Vale close to my home in the 'wee hours of the morn' today with the Mad Meggy Moo Moo. I thought it was gorgeous because it was fresh and sunny and I heard the first two Woodpeckers of early spring hammering away making their new little homes. I wander if the little "Ah Ha Ha Her Her's" get a bird version of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome on their beaks, I mean they already have a Bird version of Man Flu... All that Vibrating the old Pecker must surely cause Beaky Tunnel Syndrome or something equally shaky!! Anyway just a surreal look at my environment.

Talking of surreal, I have recently acquired a paint shop programme and I have really been getting into this techno stuff. So I have recently had my hair "trimmed" like the minimum amount possible, woe betide the hairdresser who cuts too much off my lovely long locks. I started thinking what I would look like with very short or no hair at all. So rather than do something mental and walk into a salon pick up a pair of shears and shave myself a number 1 skin head I decided to have a go with my new toy, the airbrush...

Now don't laugh too much, this was a lot harder than I thought it would be and I actually think it's not bad considering. The photo I have used had my neice in it and I am not sure if my brother would appreciate her pretty little face on the internet. So like all celebrity children I have made sure I have given her an adequate disguise. Regarder...

Birmingham Weekend Part 1

2007-02-26T13:32:00.000Z

Afternoon All,

I had a fantastic couple of days in Birmingham this weekend, seeing old friends and having great fun with great company. I loved my hotel room.

We stayed at the Raddison Hotel, which is extremely new and modern like a New York minimalist apartment with lots of complimentary goodies...Unfortunately there was no complimentary fluffy towel robes, but I did find a complimentary Hairdryer, Ironing board and matching iron. It just about fit in my suitcase. I know, I don't get out very often and as a poor struggling author, what is a girl to do?

This is Brian and Paul in The Old Fox Inn wishing Terry a happy birthday at the same time!! Work that one out? I wish to blog more about it, but I am waiting on some photos being emailed to me so I can add some funny piccys here too. Hint, Hint, Dave W. and Richard D.!!>;0)
Need piccys or I cannot blog properly...And yes Dave I will stamp my feet and have a Victor Meldrew Hissy Fit if you don't... So There!

Kids Say The Funniest Things

2007-02-22T09:24:00.001Z

Morning all! This is to be my last blog for three days or so. I am off to Sunny Birmingham. That's Birmingham, Great Britain and not the one in the US. Every year a group of friends all get together in Brummy (because it is a central location in the UK) and we generally catch up on each others lives, party, drink and be very merry.

Now that we are all proper grown ups, we do get suited and booted on the Saturday Night and sit down to a very civilised A La Carte meal in a posh hotel. Although we have been known to have bread roll fights and cheese and biscuit food fights before now. You are as young as you behave!! And I refuse to grow up...well not too much anyway.

My Observation of Life this week was whilst I was walking the Mad Meggy Moo around a park. Ahead of me was a woman who was chastising a child so much the poor kid was gagging to be sick he was crying so much. Bless! As I approached them I could hear the conversation and it went something like this.

Woman: What would your mummy say if I went home without you?
Boy: Yeah but,
Woman: And how would I explain to your mummy and daddy that a bad man had taken you away.
Boy: Yeah but,
Woman: You never ever wander off like that, anyone could have picked you up and put a hand over your mouth and I wouldn't have known what had happened to you. (extreme I know).
Boy through hiccups and tears: Yeah but, my dad's dead hard and I know Karate!

Bless! You can just imagine the Hard Balls father tucking his son into bed after reading him Noddy and Big Ears. "Remember son, never take sweets from strangers, but if they do try and kidnap you, karate chop them in the nuts and tell 'em your dad's bigger than their dad". Yep I think that would really work.

Have a great weekend. I know I will. Like my friend always says to me. "Be Good, but I know that's impossible for you Al, so be careful!"

Toilet Dream/Nightmare

2007-02-21T11:19:00.002Z

Well I spoke far too soon about scary dreams. In an earlier post I mentioned that scary dreams for me do not involve ghosts, werewolves, vampires etc... No for me a scary dream is going into public toilets and finding something hideously wrong with them.

So Guess what I ended up dreaming last night? Yep you've guessed it...Bloody Bog Nightmares. I was in this old Victorian Public Loo (like the ones you still find in Parks, with all white tiles and cisterns attached to the walls high above your heads. Yurgh I'm getting the Heeby Jeeby's just writing about it. So there I was desperate for a Perry Winkle and so I braved this toilet (imagine a tap dripping just to give it extra ambiance). As I sat there the cistern began to overflow on my head and I was wet through.

I tried to open the cubicle door, but it was locked. I was panicking like mad until finally when I flushed the toilet the door unlocked and I ran out drenched through. I was stood there still having a nervous breakdown, when three men stood in front of me saw everything and started laughing at me. I woke up having a heart attack I swear.

Yuck I have shivers down my back just picturing the dream. I can't stand automatic toilets in foreign airports either. I'd rather wear a Tenna Lady Incontinence Pad than sit on a free thinking, free flowing porcelain Crapper.

I am too traumatised now to carry on with this post. I think I am going to need years of therapy.

The Laughing Corpse by Laurell K Hamilton.

2007-02-19T13:19:00.002Z

Hope you all had a good weekend. I did to a certain extent, but I don't wish to go into that here. Somethings are best left private. I'm chomping at the bit to get my book published and on the books shelves. I want it printed yesterday and it is killing me having to wait. I never have been well known for my patience!!

Anyway, I have finished reading The Laughing Corpse. Now this is the kind of Supernatural Thriller book I am looking for. Sexy Sassy Sarcastic Tough bitch as the the heroine with a lot of creepy Voodoo, Hocus Pocus, Vamped Out shit. Kelley Armstrong does this to me and so does Laurell K. I prefer this kind of writing to the romanticism slush mush with the odd obligatory reference to the supernatural that I have been reading of late. More of the same please!

I also watched this weekend An American Haunting. What a pile of steaming cacky Poo Poo. Basically, what I was Ranting about yesterday, about all horror movies lacking the power of suggestion, this was in your face, invisible force slapping a teenage girl and swinging her around the bedroom by her hair for two tedious hours. I thought "Hmmm, this is predictable, she is either an antennae for channelling poltergeist energy, or a simple case of demonic possession or her father is committing incest!!" Guess what, yep daddy was being a naughty boy.

It was so arty farty and "I am trying to be a clever Director here", that none of it made sense. First the haunting began before her Dad raped her, Then it went back in time to show that she had created her own ghost and haunting to protect herself, but no explanation about the comings and goings in between. None of that was explained at all. Rubbish Rubbish Rubbish. And I am not sorry I have just spoiled the ending for those that haven't seen it. What I am doing is saving you a Fiver and Two hours of your life.

Not So Scary Horror Films

2007-02-18T12:43:00.001Z

Whilst I having been nursing myself back to health...Yep I have been ill and I am going to milk it for all I have got. I have been catching up on some DVD's. I reviewed Pirates of the Caribbean in a previous post and over the week I thought I would scare myself silly with a couple of Horror Movies. Yeah right... I'd be more frightened watching Doris Day Skip and jump around a western film set singing in a sickly sweet thigh slapping wholesome goodness.Blerghhhh!

Anyway I watched The Fog.I had to compare it to John Carpenters 1980 original. Now although they did tell the story better in this version there was none of the menacing music as the fog bank drifts in. The original didn't have to show all the gory details, well they weren't as graphic as the new version, but it was more scary for me, because I believe that any good horror film is all in it's delivery and the imagination of the viewer, the art and power of suggestion is far more frightening than seeing all the blood and guts that seems to be necessary in today's cine magic.

It's the same with some books. Authors spend whole chapters with unnecessary description of the surroundings or every single character has to be described from top to toe. I once read a book that spend an entire page arguing a toss about the correct shade of brown of a cell the heroine was locked up in! The problem with this is that not only is the author just obviously bulking out the book, and making it incredibly tedious to read, but the author is insulting their readers intelligence. You see I believe that people enjoy reading books BECAUSE they love to get lost in their own imagination. Give a brain a break, less description and more suggestion please. I Thank You.

Beneath a Rising Moon By Keri Arthur

2007-02-17T10:59:00.001Z

Howdy Doody Guys!

Well as I have been nursing my own fevered brow the last week I have got quite a lot of reading done. First book I picked up was Beneath a Rising Moon by Keri Arthur. Now this is another Supernatural Romance novel. I actually liked this one. The sex scenes weren't too over bearing, but I had had enough of them towards the end of the book and not a mention of a cock in sight. "Ahhh Sigh,"

The fact that the lovers were werewolves living in a wolf reservation in North America seemed secondary to the story, but Duncan Sinclair, the big bad Alpha wolf who seduces our heroine Neva Grant is sexy as hell and I award 10 out of 10 for this. Me thinks Duncan is entering my Sexy Supernatural Male listing. Just scroll down the lists I have created.

The only thing that didn't really sit pretty with me is the description of the whole shape shifting scenes from wolf to human and back again. The writer seems to insinuate that a fully clothed human can shape shift into a wolf without taking any clothes off first and when they reached their destination and change back to human form they miraculously are fully clothed again. I don't like this concept and never have. Shape shifters powers lie in the power to shift shape not change the molecular structure of man made fibres so that they are conveniently and modestly covered up in blizzards!

They do it in films as well, like the Incredible Hulk, He rips every god damn piece of clothing off, but he amazingly keeps his pinched 32 inch waist, just so he can modestly keep his pants on. Or The film Van Helsing. Now I love this film for obvious reasons, but what pisses me off is that when Dracula's three female vamps change to winged monsters, their nipples drop off, their muffs lose their curly wurlies and miraculously heal up so that they lack any kind of sexual definition! I guess it's to stop them getting cold down below when flying around Transylvania. But then once they have finished terrorising Kate Beckinsale and Hugh Jackman they change back into floaty chiffon dresses. Nope it's just not logical to me. Which is why in my books this topic gets some great and funny airtime, to show just how my shape shifting characters cope with the embarrassment of nudity.

Apart from that I did enjoy the book, however I read the synopsis of her next book Beneath a Darkening Moon and basically there was another series of murders, but this time it was humans dying rather than fellow werewolves and it isn't Neva investigating.... It's surprise surprise her Identical twin Savannah that is embroiled with a steamy sexy man who she loathes, but you just know they are soul mates! I didn't even bother to open the page to the first chapter... Too predictable I am afraid.

Have a good weekend. I am determined to write two chapters for my second book. No rest for the Super Evil Wicked Witch Hey!
Tatty Bye

I'm Back From the Living Dead with Movie News

2007-02-15T14:21:00.001Z

Well I feel all dirty and disgusted with myself, because I haven't posted for nearly a week. I do have a very good reason. In one of my January posts I was pontificating about the differences between Man and Girl flu and how us "ladies!" carry on regardless. Well I have to eat my own words, because I think I caught Bernard Matthews Turkey Burger flu last week. It absolutely floored me. I spent four days festering in my sick bed and today is the first day I have managed to even switch on my computer and make some attempt at satisfying my writing addiction.

I even managed to muster up some energy from somewhere to strip my biohazardous bed linen and wash them. The only problem now is that I have to re-make the bed and I don't think I have any energy left. I would sleep in a spare bed, but I am such a lazy undomesticated cow that I now have three beds and none made up! Oh well, looks like I will be getting the trusty sleeping bag out of storage tonight.

I haven't done very much, except catch up on some DVDs I had promised myself to watch.
Pirates of the Carribean 2: The Giant Squid Man! Talk about covering old ground. How long can one sword fight last for? You can just hear the Director in the Background, "Come on Orlando, fight Johnny for another ten minutes in as many elaborate ways as possible, and we might get an oscar for producing a 2 and a half hour epic."

Heres my clipped Version.
New Baddie Englishman arrives at Port Vale, throws heroes in jail (again) They escape (again) in search of Jack Sparrow who has lots of secrets up his sweaty sleeve. Jack is given a revelation from old pirate friend and goes off in search of cursed treasure (again).
Heroes and Jack all end up in Torquay or somewhere just as bad where there is lots of slapping across faces from whores and another predictable bar brawl.
They all end up on Black Pearl (Hurrah!) In search of Squid Man's Heart.
They find it and sword fight for an age...on the beach, three at a time, up a tower, rowling around a water wheel whilst sword fighting and playing pass the parcel with squid mans key, without one of them being stabbed or crushed. God they're good.

Meanwhile Squid Mans Minions, Jacks Pirates and Keira Knightly take turns in passing the parcel with a box. They escape and we all think Jack has the treasure.. or does he? A Giant squid attacks the Black Pearl THREE times no less before Jack is eaten whole along with his boat sorry ship. But Guess What? Never fear... Some mad Voodoo priestess can bring him back. Hurray! But They have to use the help of a reinacarnated Baddie from the first film. BOOO!
Leave on a cliff hanger so all us sad saps will pay a fortune to see the next rubbish installment of Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Epic Swashbuckling Stereotypes. The End.

I Love Fate

2007-02-09T11:26:00.000Z

Well another week is nearly at a close. I would like to say that I will be spending all weekend writing, but I can't because I am studying my NLP Practioners Course, which I love. I am totally hooked, it has changed my life drastically. Look at it this way, six months ago I wouldn't have dreamed of sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings with my family let alone the entire world in cyber space.

One thing from Reading books such as the Celestine Prophecy and Sylvia Browne, the world famous psychic is that nothing happens by chance. All things happen for a reason even the most inane convesrsation. Ever tried to avoid someone in the street and five minutes later, bump right into them. Well that's fate playing it's cheeky little hand in the Game of Life. You may think you don't want to talk to this person, but when strange things like that happen to me I think, "Hmmm, this person clearly has something important to tell me." and I am usually right.

Take last night for instance, I was driving a work colleague home and we got talking about Rock music and I started to remeniss about the good old days when I went to a Rock and Thrash Nightclub and how I was a closet Goth. Which I don't normally admit to a whole lot of people, until recently when I came out fully as a blood sucker lover and hence all the writing about Vamps. She admitted that she too was a Goth in her youth and that she loved to draw Gothic/Horror art.

I nearly crashed Zena. (My car is a Fiesta Zetec.) So I called her Zena the Warrior Zetec! Sad I know!

Why did I nearly Crash my beloved Speed Demon? Because I have been searching high and low for a Horror Gothic artist to design the cover of my first book! Arrgghh! Don't you just love paradoxical fate. All this time I have been wondering where to start searching for a decent artist and there was one right under my nose. And all because I came out of the proverbial Closet of Weirdness.

So the lesson endeth here my children, Do not be afraid to talk about your artistic talents (but don't boast because no-one likes a show off) or your beliefs (but don't pontificate because people will start to think you're a fundementalist loony tunes crackpot), because you never know what secrets of this fascinating cosmos will yeild to you on Lifes Miraculous Journey.

Now if you will excuse me I have a very important meeting with Yogi Bhajan and the Dalai Lama.

Have a Good Weekend >:0),

I'm an Aristocrat.. Don't you Know!!

2007-02-08T14:31:00.002Z

Nowt much happening in The Beyond, I have been saving this for a rainy day when I had absolutely nothing to write. Well actually I do, but I am still too ill to write today, so this was drafted ages ago for emergencies.... I know I like to plan ahead!

Apparantly these things are called Memes. Don't ask me what it means, I am no internet or techno Geeky Gal. Up until a month ago a Wii was merely something I thought you did when sat on the toilet. Anyway, I have found a useless, but amusing site for anyone who wishes to be refered to by their formal title. I have always believed I am of Blue Blood so here's my official title.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Marchioness Pongo the Cannibalistic of Eschaton End
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Now kneel you subservient minions and kiss my cheesy feet.
>;0) "Cough Cough Burp!"

Alis'n Wonderland

2007-02-08T12:46:00.002Z

I don't really have much to rant about today as nothing much earth shattering has happened to even create a stir of annoyance or emotion in me. However, I did have a really weird dream last night.

I was at a Business Exhibition, but it was more like walking around the film set of Willie Wonkas Chocolate Factory than a Professional Business Networking Event. Whislt we were on a tea break, I began to have my repetitive bad toilet dream. (basically, every public toilet I try to go into to has something wrong with it. Its too dark, there's no door in the cubicle, its too dirty. I even dreamt of snapping turtles coming out of the u-bend once! I can dream about Vampires, witches, I have even dreamt about werewolves and Satan himself, but when I dream about going to the toilet I freak out and wake up in a cold sweat.) Told you I was weird!

So there I was trying to do my business, but people kept opening the door on me. At one point the door opened and I saw this tiny cute fluffy white rabbit was beating the crap out of this guy that was built like a brick shit house? Can anyone hazard a guess at the meaning of this dream?
Where the hell is Joseph and his technocolour dream coat when you need him?

Sweet Dreams.

Glastonbury

2007-02-07T13:10:00.000Z

Hey. I am dead excited now. I don't really no why because all I have actually done is register for a ticket for Glastonbury Music Festival this summer. By this I mean you have to send in a mug shot of yourself with all your details to stop avaricious ticket touts and other greedy money making bastards from buying hundreds of tickets at once then selling them on ebay, when they have no love for music what-so-ever. Yeah you know who you are..."I sell crap on Ebay to make a few quid, without any integrity" type of person.

Anyway I do not want to get on my soap box today, but I think I am excited because when registering with Glastonbury Festivals, you have to provide a recent photo in a passport style, ie stare blankly ahead with a dumb ass look on your noggin. (I bet the passport office have a gallery of worst took photos. I'd love to work there, in the mail room, opening up all those passport applications, I would be permenantly on the floor in stitches.)

Now my photos are generally taken in various poses, Yes like the ones you see in Fiesta and Jugs-R-Us type magazines>;0) I don't posess a digital camera, because I am too tight fisted, so I had to take a self photo on my mobile phone, email it to myself and then change the image from bmp. to jpeg. Easy Peasy I hear you all cry, but I am no techno babe I can assure you, (I amazed myself when I managed to get this blog up and running on my own.) So I was really chuffed with myself. So much so I can now put the photo on my Blog. See opposite. I also put the Mad Meggy Moo Moo on there too.

I don't have too much of a blank dumb ass expression do I?

See ya later aligator....

£9.50 Holidays Hurrah!! Annual Writing Inspiritation Here I Come

2007-02-06T12:56:00.001Z

Got my confirmation booking this morning for my £9.50 four day holiday in the Scottish Highlands. Yeehaa! Me and the Mad Meggy Moo Moo will have a whale of a time in April. I like to visit places like this because of the historical castles and homes, the beautiful countryside and the Mystic stone circles dotted about the place. When I am on these caravanning holidays I get so much inspiriation.

Last year when I was at Seton Sands close to Edinburgh I had this 'wicked' dream (literally) and I woke up at five am and wrote the entire synopsis for my seventh book in just one hour. Oh, it was sheer bliss, I had the fire on and the door open to the sea. Not a single human in sight as they were all still tucked up in bed. Ooh I'm feeling all warm and glowing inside just thinking about last April.

And before anyone asks, Yes I do get A LOT of inspiration from my dreams. Most people wake up from a Nightmare in a cold sweat and struggle to get back to sleep again as they have scared themselves shitless. Me on the other hand..! Well I am a bit weird to say the least. I wake up from a Nightmare, leap out of bed with a verve, grab my pad and pen and say "What a fucking good book!"

Toodlesy Pipsky.

"Oh What a Beautiful Morning..."

2007-02-05T11:43:00.000Z

Oh my God! I have just heard Lilly Alan's new single...Alfie. Well I think its new, don't listen to the radio much. What a pile of shite! Its a hybrid of the Mr Blobby song, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (The one with Johnny Depp in) and Puppet on a String by Sandie Shaw. Now I can be critical because I am not even attempting to claim I am a fantastic over opinionated Songwriter and musical Artist. Its just my personal opinion thats all!

Okay enough of that, I just have to say I am in very high spirits, despite it being Monday. The cemetery I am looking out over is particularly beautiful today, and I am determined to spend a night there this summer, if I can get anyone brave enough to come with me. (any volunteers?)

I have managed to complete another chapter of my second book (not giving away the title just yet) and I am really pleased with the way it is shaping. Now I know a whole chapter (about 5000 words) over a weekend is not very much, well it's not for me anyway, but as I briefly wrote in a previous post that writing is my spare, spare time occupation and I was looking after my two year old niece for most of this weekend, so not much got done.

Bless the little Snot Monster, she has a corker of a cold at the moment. Every time she coughed her tiny little hooter relenquished another bright green phantom dangler. Yurgh. I was wretching for most of the weekend, what with snotty noses and incredibly obnoxious nappy smells, I am proud to say I am a childless singleton. I love my neice to bits, but I also love handing her back. I was knackered yesterday afternoon, I never realised that playing Noddy, Bob The Builder, Let's Pretend Cooking Feasts and running around cleaning up after a toddler could be so exhausting.

So I have made a decision. The world is overpopulated enough, without me procreating and add to the dilemma, besides my child could very well end up as The Spawn of Satan, so I am to abstain from motherhood. I'd rather be the mad old Aunt that all the children love.

Love Aye Aye (That's baby speak for Auntie Alison).>;0)

Retro Music for Todays Youth

2007-02-02T13:11:00.001Z

Afternoon All.
I am already in a hissy fit mood, becuase my stupid computer has frozen on me more than eight times this morning. So please do not be alarmed if you see a computer screen flying passed your office windows. Someone should invent the International Computer Wanging Competition, I bet I would have a good chance of winning.

What I was actually planning on rambling on about today, came to me in a flash of inspiration whilst walking the Mad Meggy Moo this morning. I walked passed this very cheery teenager who looked like he had just swallowed a mouthfull of grapefruit juice. Anyone would think he was going to go to the Dentist. Although I quite enjoy a strapping young man fiddling in my mouth with his vibratory utensils...>;0)
Actually I understand this teenager quite well, I think I would have looked as surly if I had to endure eight hours in the zoo we all know is casually referred to as High School. How did I survive?

Anyway, it wasn't really how this teenager looked at me, but it was more what he was listening too on his ipod dog bot wii wii thingy, (I don't know, I can't keep up with all this techno jargon. Gone are the days when a hip hopster carried a ten tonne double speaker Hi Fi on his shoulders nodding his head like a demented duck, or if you had really rich parents, you were so cool as to have wireless radio headphones the size of Princess Leah's Ear Muffs in Star Wars!).
This kid was listening to Madonna's Like a Prayer. Don't get me wrong I love this song and as a teenager myself I wanted to be Madonna! But in the eighties radio stations wouldn't even play music from the seventies let alone hits from two decades earlier.

When I was a teenager in the Eighties (when Like a Prayer was first released) radio's wouldn't dream of playing songs like, "Save. All. Your. Kisses for me, Save all your kisses for me..." Or the Wurzels "I've Got A Brand New Combine-Harvester..."
And what about the Three Degrees? I used to stand on my bed (The Stage) holding a Mr Matey bubble bath container (Microphone) with a jumper pulled back over my head (long Afro Hairdo) singing my little heart out in my very young years, but I wouldn't have been seen dead listening to 70's music in the 80's. It was soooo not cool! But these days we hear 60's, 70's and 80's music is played and remixed regularly. Do you think it's becaused tired old music executives have lost all originality and refuse to take on new blood or is it just because Retro IS cool and fashionable. Or so I have been told.

Have a good weekend. I may not be in any fit state to write this weekend. I am looking after my two year old neice and I have a feeling that she will run rings around me.
Toodle Pips.

Synopsis of Didikai Witch

2007-02-01T13:11:00.001Z

I recieved a comment from thk123 a couple of days ago. Thanks for the comment by the way, I like encouraging comments and it shows me people do actually read my blog. Anyway he asked me if I had posted my synopsis of my first book, and my answer is simply no.

There is way too much information in there to give the plot of the book away. However, if you are referring to a teaser trailer like what they print on the back of the books then I will be more than happy to attempt that for you all. Here goes.

(Try and imagine this being read by Voice-over man from Film trailers.)>;0)

"Amethyst and Michael Romanov live a charmed life under the protection of their Romany Gypsy Clan of Avalonia. One night a tragedy befalls their beloved coven and they are are cast out into the Human world of The Beyond.
They must survive this treacherous and dangerous world that has been thrust upon and soon realise that allies are essential if they are to survive.....THE BEYOND!!"

Hope that tickles your taste buds?
TTFN

StarlightExpress...dum dee dum dee dum dum.. Starlight Express

2007-01-31T14:24:00.001Z

Well I bet you can't guess what I was up to last night?
I was taking in some culture and watched a musical that has only taken me 23 years to go and see.

As an eleven year old when Starlight first burst onto the theatre scene in the West End I was an avid roller disco dancer, wearing my electric blue and sunflower yellow roller boots. Tickets were too expensive back then so I had to make do with pretending I was in the show myself.

Now I can afford tickets I made damn sure we got front row centre. It was fab, we were so close we could have got on stage and skated with them. The only problem being so close is that the over exaggerated facial expressions needed for theatre acting can look a little scary at times!! I nearly wet myself when Rusty the young steam engine was having his I am the Starlight Express Epiphany!

I loved it though, it was amusing and entertaining and the actors were all fantastic skaters. It made me feel like a kid again.

I did love the lyrics to the songs, like U.C.O.U.P.L.E.D sang like Tammy Wynatts D.I.V.O.R.C.E., Or Conversations were just sang, Like "I must find Pearl, where is Pearl?" You can sing this in any tempo or pitch you like as long as it is DRAMATIC!

So I was sat there in the interval chomping on my ice cream pot thinking, "God this must have taken Mr Webber ages to think up conversations to music and it doesn't need to rhyme either." Now my books have lots of great conversation in them and I do know of someone who has connections with the theatre. I wonder if I could write a screenplay for The Beyond - The Musical Extravaganza!!! Just hear me out okay.

Think of a rock song, any rock song, just be sure it has lots of drums and electric guitars then add dark Gothic conversation to it and sing dramatically. Like so.
Bat Outta Hell by Meatloaf
Vamp:"Come here my child, you are in my power. You cannot escape."
Heroine:"Let me go, I don't want to die."
Vamp:"I don't want you to die, but be my bride."
Heroine:"I can't. I am no longer a virgin, I cannot live forever, but you can suck my neck erotically....All. The. Same."

Okay okay... I will stick to writing novels, let Webber find me and offer me the Musical rights to my books.

See Ya.

More Cultish Chit Chat

2007-01-30T13:04:00.000Z

You may remember in a previous post I ranted a bit about a Lightworker Meditation Ezine that I receive once a month and all the ridiculous gobbledy gook that they write to make themselves feel intelligent and superior to someone like me who has in fact been described as having high verbal dexterity and dynamic narrative, but I don't wish to boast!>;0)

Anyway I have now received another email from another "Mad New Age Mumbo Jumboer" and this time I have no qualms about naming and shaming as I didn't sign up for this ezine, Michelle The Lightweaver pressed her religious crap on me! Here's part of the email:
"16TH COSMIC RAY OF CO-CREATION WITH LORD MAITREYA - In this session Lord Maitreya takes you into the heart of the Sacred Geometric Vibrations of the 5 pointed star. These vibrations elicit new frequencies of light, creating a new field of energy around you which he aligns with the Sacred Universal Templates of Technology. The result is a deep shift in conditioned behaviour patterns and debilitating projections. Lord Maitreya also speaks more about service to humanity and our powerful manifestation abilities as seen by the beings beyond our paradigm."

Hmm!! Now there is a lot more to this email, but I don't wish to bore you with the details. Now as I do a lot of research into demonology, supernatural and paranormal for my books, I have many references to trawl over. So I decided to Google Maitreya which led me to New Age Religious Movement, which led me to The Summit Lighthouse, then to The I AM Movement (which the other mad woman likes to mention constantly in her emails) and finally ended up at the Church of Universal Triumphant and Guess what I found?

Controversy....AND LOTS of it. The Founders of this Cult surname is PROPHET no less... Yeah right and I the F***ing Queen of Sheba! They worship all of these spiritual aspects, Master Jesus, Lord Maitreya, Lord Kuthumi, Lord El Morya & Lord Hilarion, Mary Magdeline, Lady Mary, Lady Nada, Lady Kwan Yin & Lady Pallas Athena, As does Michelle the Lightweaver and the C.U.T is up to their ascended 9th dimensionl necks in lawsuits.

Just call me Charlies Angel. Public health warning: Don't give over your hard earned cash to any group offering you salvation or a quick easy fix to life, because there isn't one. We are ALL responsible for OURSELVES, our thoughts, feelings and decisions and we must look inside ourselves for the answers to the meaning of life not these half baked nutty charlatans who try to earn a dishonest living from cashing in on other peoples misery. Trust me when I say these people will NOT be sat on the right side of God on Judgement Day.
Phew!! That's a bit heavy going for a Tuesday lunchtime.
Byeeeeeee

The Chavs on the Bus are foul mouthed Navvies

2007-01-29T10:13:00.002Z

Hello There! How was everyone's weekend in Cyber land? I have avoided the T'internet for nearly a week now as I have been seriously proof reading my first book Didikai Witch© for the umpteenth and hopefully final time before finally getting the thing published. Also I have been developing synopses for four more books in the series and believe me when I say... My brain is fried! Having an idea for a book is one thing, setting a plot with twists and turns and sub plots (that don't look DEAD obvious) is tough on the old noggin!

Once the Synopsis is written though the rest is all plain sailing... So I am just telling myself that the next week or so is going to be hell, but I will definitely be ready to kick back and enjoy a party weekend in Birmingham with a gang of mates in two weeks time...Oh it's going to be a blast!!

However, all work and no play can make Alison a VERY dull girl, (plus I would have nothing to type about if I didn't leave the sanctity of these four walls. As an avid people watcher, I tend to gleen plenty of inspiration from everyday folk.) So on Saturday a couple of friends and I decided to have a belated Christmas "do" around the scenic mill town of the North West, Rochdale. Trust me my tongue is gouging my cheek as I write. The place is a flee pit, but some good pubs... as long as you don't make eye contact with any locals!!!

The Bus ride into this somewhat troublesome town was an experience in itself and it reminded me precisely why I do not use public transport unless I absolutely have to. First the pungent, stale, rancid smell of human body odour hits the nostrils like a partners curry/beer fart from the night before... Yum!! Then once you have squeezed on to a teeny tiny seat (or maybe I just have a big fat bottom!) so you are scrunched up against a window so full of condensation that your right sleeve might as well have been left under the cold water tap for five minutes.. Just for the hell of it!

Then when you think this enduring hour long journey can't get any worse the single parent family from hell get on. You know the sort, overstressed mother barely out of a school uniform herself with five unruly kids in tow all under the age of six. Every other word that she utters is F*** or F***ing and you daren't make eye contact with her just incase those mad wild eyes clock you and challenge you to a fight. SCARY places buses.

A stiff drink or 8 and a hot curry were in order after that experience I can tell you. I woke up Sunday morning with a mouth feeling like I had spent the evening licking the bus floor rather than a cool night out with friends. Hey Ho. Partying is a tough job, but someone's gotta do it!
Cheerio.>;0)

Book Review. Vinegar by Margaret Briggs

2007-01-22T13:32:00.000Z

Good Morning, and what a wonderful day it is as well. The weather is gorgeous after last weeks carbunkle of a wind storm, the sun is shining in the Rossendale Valley and the cemetry I overlook, whilst I work, is particularly lovely and gothic looking now that there are no leaves on the trees.

I have had the weekend to calm down from my exciting news at being offered a publishing contract and life feels pretty normal, like nothing has changed.

This week I have mostly been reading Vinegar by Margaret Briggs. Yes you read correctly. I am so anally retentive to gathering information I have resorted to reading 1001 pratical uses for vinegar. But guess what? This book is actually fascinating. It also tells the history of vinegar. It was discovered by accident when an Egyptian on a booze bender forgot to cork a wine bottle, and did you know that Louis Pasture invented pasturisation to store vinegar safely without it gathering floaty bits in the jar called "mother". It's true! I always thought he invented pasturisation for milk, but that same technique was developed later for the white stuff!

Cider and white wine vinegar can be used to whiten teeth, sickening to think all those vain people in the world who have paid thousands of Pounds, Dollars and Yen to have white veneer painted on their teeth when in fact they could actually have just dipped their toothbrush in vinegar every morning...It is also great for halitosis, instead of coffee breath you can gargle with cider vinegar and have pickled breath!>;0)

Au Revoir

First Offer of a Publishing Contract

2007-01-18T12:49:00.000Z

YEEEHAAAA!!!! I have been offered a publishing contract for my first book in the Beyond Series... Didikai Witch.

I was so excited when I was reading the letter that I screamed very loudly and scared my neighbour half to death. He thought I was being attacked! This is it guys. My lifes dream finally come to fruition. Yet despite the great review the reader gave me I still had to go back to the original book and make a few analy retentive alterations. Honestly, sometimes I think that if you don't bite the bullet and hand your manuscript in then many writers would never get published. The manuscript is never quite perfect. Or is that just me?

I am not sure if I am meant to name names at this stage so I will keep schtum, but I do want to give you an idea of the Review I recieved, which I am incredibly proud of....
"...the author constructs a riveting and imaginative tale. Composed in captivating narrative and compelling dialogue, the story flows at a brisk tempo. The plot contains more than a few strategically placed, unexpected twists and turns that should maintain the readers interest throughout. The characters are developed and presented in a multidimensional fashion revealing the intracacies of their unique personalities and individual agendas. The author effectively manages to avoid artificially padding the work with superfluous material and unnecessary characters thereby keeping the focus directed towards the primary storyline. The author leaves the reader with the sense of time well invested in the reading of this story and Alison's highly creative style of writng combined with a keen attention to detail could further enhance the appeal of this work."

Excuse me one moment while a pinch myself for the umteenth time. Yep! It's real!
Too excited to type anymore.
TTFN >;0)

Leisure Centres in Wales and Australia

2007-01-16T16:32:00.000Z

Well I have had a very interesting, but tiring weekend learning NLP, which is why I haven't blogged for a while. I am completely hooked on the subject. I am not going to pontificate about it here.. just yet. I wanted to write about writing...

I haven't forgotten my promise to write some gratuitous sex smut and it is in development stage.... Give me a break I haven't even had time to fart this last week, let alone do some creative writing, but it is "coming" along very nicely so hang on in there and I will post it shortly.

To keep you droolong in anticipation I came across this little piece of classic sex writing and because the author is anonymous, I have no qualms in doing a spot of copy and pasting. I would like to claim this as my own, but alas my integrity chip prevents me from performing such a henous moral act....Enjoy!

"We met in a secluded feild, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know. A quiet whispering of leaves in the weeping willow overhead added the final touch to the romantic scene.

We lay there both naked. I knew I had to have her and have her now. Without a word being spoken, I moved into a position of dominance. I could feel instantly that this was what she had been waiting for as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ. I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her.

As the tension rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned ourselves to the moment. Although inexperienced, she approached every change in position with enthusiasm, moaning with delight everytime I withdrew to prevent myself from ending it the rapture all too soon. The sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable mind blowing climax, until I could hold out no longer. Finally, the moment we had been building upto passed all too quickly.

Breathlessly we rolled together in the damp grass as the last deep orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness of the approaching night. We lay there, still and entwined in an amorous embrace. I kissed her long and lovingly and whispered reassuringly how good she had been.

She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear then whispered, BAAAAAAAAA!! and ran off to rejoin her flock.

Priceless!!!!
Toodles

New Age Mumbo Jumbo

2007-01-12T12:27:00.001Z

Welcome Ranters and Ravers the world over. I am feeling much better today, thank you all for asking. (Well I can dream someone cares). So much so I discovered this wonderful snippet that I am going to share with you. It's not the whole article and I am not going to reveal the author, but I do meditate and I like to consider myself spiritual, so when I received this I thought "Oooh new meditation technique, could do with some variety." Until of course I started to read the said piece.....Regarde, sil vous plais.

"The meditation is stated in the first person, so you can experience it
personally and tangibly.

ASCENSION INTO THE I AM PRESENCE

I AM sitting comfortably in my chair with my arms and legs uncrossed. My spine is as straight as possible. I AM instantly relaxed and peaceful. I empty my mind of all of the thoughts of the day, and, for this moment, I go within and focus my attention on the Divinity within my Heart.

I have walked through the winter of my discontent into the glory of a New Day filled with the full-gathered momentum of Heaven on Earth.

Victory is mine! Victory is mine! Victory is mine!

The Perfect Balance of my Father-Mother God and the I AM Presence of every evolving soul have now RETURNED to Earth!!!

With this inner knowing, I realize I have the awesome responsibility of BECOMING the full manifestation of my I AM Presence while I AM in embodiment on Earth. This literally means integrating my luminous Solar I AM Presence into my four Earthly Bodies at an atomic, cellular level, thus filling every electron, every atom, every subatomic particle and wave of my bodies and all the space in-between the atoms and molecules of my bodies with the multifaceted 5th-Dimensional Solar Light of my I AM
Presence."

Eh? Eh? and EH? Thrice!!
This isn't even half of it. This meditation exercise goes on into the sixth dimension I am sure. And what in Father-Mother Gods am I doing with 4 bodies? I struggle to maintain and not abuse the 1 body I am aware of for fucks sakes! and what's a 5th dimensional solar light? I have only just got my head around 3rd Dimensional TV!

My other burning question is... How the hell am I supposed to relax, clear my mind and then read all this complex new age mumbo jumbo? My mind is on a constant roller coaster ride as it is without the most stressful meditation technique being thrown into the equation. The author works with lightbearers, but doesn't exactly make the reading "Light". You would have thought the Angels and Lightworkers would have forewarned her of the limits on a tangible human brain! It then continues...

"I contemplate this Truth, and as this sacred knowledge resonates in my heart of hearts, I experience the Immortal Victorious Threefold Flame in my heart expanding and expanding until it envelopes my four Earthly Bodies.

“Lower human consciousness, I Love you, and I AM grateful for the opportunity you have provided for growth and learning in this physical plane, but I now command you into the Light."

Y.e.a.h... R.i.g.h.t! First, Threefold Flame? Anyone? And Second I like my lower human conciouseness. I'm not walking into no light for no-one. I've seen The movie Ghost... Patrick Swayze walks into the light, Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters walks into the light with some lanky aliens....and they never come back...screw that!

Any ideas on translations would be greatly appreciated.

TTFN

Vampires Anonymous by Jeffrey N McMahan

2007-01-11T16:19:00.002Z

I am making this post short and sweet today. I have just finished Vampires Anonymous and I thoroughly recommend it. It's dark, sexy and erotic with lots of fabulous gay blood suckers. Andrew Lyall is a modern day, dry and sarcastic Vamp whose partner has decided he wishes to be human again and joins a support group for angst Vamps, much to the disgust of Andrew. John The Stud Vamp is just as sarcastic as Andrew and is a very colourful character as is Ryan the Baby Bat, with hilarious results. There are few books that make me laugh out loud. Check out other Vamp Books.

I am currently suffering from dizzy heads, hot flushes and forgetfulness. I was convinced that I was having a premature menopausal episode, until a friend pointed out I probably had Girl Flu. Now Girl Flu is more like the SARS strain of Man Flu. Man Flu sufferers cough a couple of times and think they are dying, Girl Flu SARS (Seriously Adept at Rebuffing Sickness) sufferers carry on uncomplaining, sheer martyrs to the cause until they drop with exhaustion. So I am at the exhaustion stage. I have been ill all week whilst holding down a full time Marketing job, running my massage business in my spare time and Writing fiction in my spare spare time and somewhere in all that, as a naturally sassy and vivacious woman I like to socialise...Intensely...Now I am bloody knackered. Where is a Man to mop my fevered brow when I need it? Anyone? Anyone?

Well seeing as there are no takers to my plea, if you will excuse me I am going to go and curl up in a corner and die!

Celebrity Junkies - Big Brother Overload

2007-01-10T13:14:00.002Z

Well after my rant the other day about The Sun trash newspaper, I have to confess I am still purchasing the gutter press regurgitated crap, because I am hell bent on getting my 38 quid holiday in Wales this year!! Strangely though I am now compelled to read the articles, particularly on Celebrity Big Brother.

I detest All Reality Telly Box junk, because it's just tired old has beens who are trying to reinvent themselves and their careers or to pay off major debts. Who cares if some squealing celeb who I have never heard of eats a sweaty fat grub in the Jungle. I'd rather lick a tramps arm pits!!!

Take Jo Mearer EX- S Club 7 singer was asked by Davina McCall "Why are you coming into the house?" Jo shrugs her shoulders and laughs "I have no idea!" Yes you do you lying money grabbing "has bin/wanna be again" You admitted in the interview that your career took a nose dive after your self obsessed need to forge a solo career, that inevitibly failed...Miserably. We also later discover (From The Sun, soo take this with a huge pinch of salt..)that her company owes thousands and needs the Reailty show fee to pay her creditors...Shame on you Jo!!

Leo Sayer is another one... Throwing a hissy "I'm a star and should be treated as royalty" fit, because BB made him a butler and therefore a servant. Well, it was your own damn fault "Sayer the Player" you wanted the house and the audience to see your public persona, the good guy who always volunteers to take the worst jobs, to help others, but you could have stayed in the main house, because after all the other housemates were originally voting on who stayed, by their age and status...And you Leo could easily have stayed. You showed your true colours. And noooooo-one wishes to see your itzy bitzy teeny weeny short dick...Man!!! Put it away before the entire populace vomits on their Telly Boxes.

Then finally there's Jade Goody... Apparently she is the fifth most Influential person in the world. YOU WHAT? Is that mean she is running close behind Nelson Mandela, George W. Bush (though it grieves me to admit that), Bill Clinton and the Dahlai Lama!! Dream on Jade Dream on, you're more likely to be in the list for the top five inconsequential people of the world. Actually no, I will take that that back. You're right you are the fifth most Influential person in the world.... To all other Gobshite Chavvy ASBOS Dobbers. >;0)

The reason why I am papping on about such an inane subject is that everywhere you turn you cannot escape the celebrity junkies foraging around TV and Chav mags for their next fix. Take Emma Cox the TV Deputy Editor of The Sun and "Big Brother Bitch" (by the way Bitch means spiteful, quarrelsome and unprincipled!) Perfect credentials for gutter press journalists, (journalists used in the loosest possible term I might add). You may think you have an edge on sarcastic wit, but you don't, and tell me, Is your head wedged so far up Carole Malone's Chocolate Starfish, because you are fellow gutter trash critics? I am refering to your comments about her in your column, which are never as damning as the other housemates. Are you on a promise to a champagne after show party if you fight her corner whilst she is so cruelly incarcerated without the medium of the press behind her? Hmmm I wonder.

What I am trying to say is who cares what dress size Jade is this week, or what fad diet Vicky Beckham is on and Peter Andre and Jordan.. "GET off the the fucking front page of OK Magazine." Everywhere we go we are told by talentless celebrities how we should live our lives and if we don't live up to their ideals then we will be unfulfilled miserable nobody's..... What a load of bollocks! Stop following the crowd like a load of sheep and be the unique autonomy that you truly are!

And Rich.. Thanks for the comment, Bunny Hutches Bedding is all The Sun is fit forXXX
Actually that's not true either. I would not subject any Rabbit or Guinea Pig to the cruel torture of making them read The Sun whilst they have a shit!!
Toodly Pipsky.

Gutter Press Sensationalism

2007-01-08T14:54:00.002Z

I was reading The Sun Newspaper this Saturday, for no other reason than I was bored!! What a pile of tripe. I can't believe people buy this gutter press trash... Oh wait a minute, yes I can. You see I buy this paper for one week every year for the £9.50 holiday deal.... What? Five days in a caravan for £38!! It's a bargain!!

Anyway normally I rip out the token and throw the trash in the trash...But my brother decided to pay me a visit on the Saturday. Not to see me or catch up on my news, state of health or anything, noooo. He merely wishes to use my computer. Now as I spend the majority of my spare time on the computer I began fidgeting for something to do... Yep you guessed it... The Sun was hauled out of the recycle bin and I wish I hadn't bothered.

The first article I read was about the cool escape of Donny Darko (I mean Donny Tourret) from the Celebrity Big Brother house on Friday, citing that there was no way he was going to wait on hand and foot to a moron and her f***ing family.."Nice One" I thought as H gave him a leg up and he waved goodbye to his fellow house mates as they wished him luck on his life's journey and wherever this would take him...

The Sun Version...Wild Rocker Donny (He's a pussy cat with a permanent bad hair day) was booted out of the house (As I said H gave him a leg up up onto the roof and he left of his own free will.) Then it goes on to say that the remaining house guests were informed of his eviction... Hello? They all said goodbye before he left!! They knew he wasn't coming back.

The very same night I watched another programme that was commented upon in The Sun. MP George Galloway appearing on The Friday Night Project. Granted this was a serious error of judgement and I am sure his agent got a right royal bollocking, because it was clear to anyone with half a brain cell that he had no idea that he was going to be sat on a bed with a half naked Lee Collins as he tried to make Kama Sutra poses.George was sitting there as stiff as a frigid virgin about to lose his cherry. He wasn't smirking from where I was sitting either, he had a look more like a rabbit in front of a cars headlights. In fact at one point the guy jumped off the bed and refused to continue the game. It was cringe TV at it's best.

Granted if George had wanted some damage limitation on his antics in Celebrity Big Brother last year, then appearing on a LIVE comedy show with two very funny, if not sometimes rude comedians would not be my idea of damage limitation... Go on F***ing Question Time and show the public you are a respectable politician (Of course I realise that respectable and politician contradict each other, but you get the gist.)

No my main gripe though is how The Sun feels the need to sensationalise every manky story they manage to drudge out of the sewer. Here's a Tip for you. If your going to embellish a story make sure millions of people aren't watching the same bloody incident on their Telly Boxes... Just imagine all the poor sods lives they have dredged up, chewed up and then spat out the other side. Lives in ruins just for a quick buck and a sleazy story...I think God was running low on INTEGRITY when you lot were born...

So my question to the Sun Editor is this, (enquiring minds want to know). Do you provide free Horlicks vouchers to ALL your staff or do you have a giant Horlicks vending machine in your office..? Because really how else would any of you be able to sleep at nights?
Ciao for Now

Penis and Vaginal Euphemisms

2007-01-05T12:44:00.003Z

I have been reading Vampire Dreams by Cheyene McCray and Annie Windsor. It's great except for the word COCK!! I am only half way through the book and already the cock count has been written a staggering 15 times! Now I know when you write romantic novels you have to refer to male genitalia in some form, but come on ladies, Surely you can be a bit more creative than that?

I mean the heroine gets her muff described in all kinds of floral ways such as "her core, her mound, wet folds, wet channel and just plane old fashioned clit!" and so on and so forth, but the poor blokes phallus just gets referred to as cock! What happened to Penis, manhood, best mate, fireman's hose, One eyed trouser snake (my personal favourite), Champagne Charlie, my friend even called his Fagin! I think he had a penchant for Oliver Twist, but I thought The Artful Todger was much more apt, but Fagin it was and still is to this day!

Now this book was a collaboration from two women, (I thought two heads are better than one?), I am beginning to wonder if they have ever spoken to a man about his dingleling in their lives, because if they had he would have referred to his man friend in all manner of euphemisms, but that is no excuse. May I suggest that you read some books written by men for men and you may get some idea of what I am talking about, or maybe just google Penis Euphemisms and see what happens.(hours of fun) Apart from this the book is very sexy and dare I say some good sarcastic wit thrown in for good measure.

It's just the Cocka Doodle Doo's that are beginning to grate on me, so much so I have started to visualise a brown feathery bird pecking at the curly wurlies of our heroines flowering bud! This book report gave me an idea, after reading a recent article about a woman who had her blog published, because she wrote about her sex life and as we all know sex sells.

I have only ever once written a gratuitous sex scene for my first novel Didikai Witch in The Beyond Series, (which I can now shout about because I own the Copyright to the book now.)so I decided I needed some practice in this subject..... no creative practice....for fucks sake, writing practice.... I know what I'm doing in the bedroom department thank you very much!

So over the next few weeks I will be publishing some short slut smut stories in a vain and shallow attempt to get more people to my blog and hopefully leave a comment or two.....TTFN

My First Supernatural Novel is Finally Finished

2006-12-31T14:04:00.001Z

Yippee!!!! My first paranormal/supernatural thriller book (first of Ten) has finally been completed and proof read by three friends and a couple of publishers!!! That's right you could be reading the blog of the next JK Rowling. Haa haa! In my wildest dreams.(Although these books are far raunchier than good olde HP!)

Anyway, to celebrate I went to my favourite bar in Manchester called Prohibiton (You know the one, Venician Renaissance meets Dark Goth! Ooooo lurvley! A friend said last night, "I love this place Al, so where are all the vampires...." Yes she knows me so well!!!

Anyway I am nursing a sizeable hangover today.... I was about to say this morning, but at my age hangovers usually last all day!!! Be warned Children of Boozy Britain, you may think your hot now, just wait til your thirties, it's not big and it's not clever, BUT it is good fun.... Anyway last night I was as smashed as a china dinner service at a Big Fat Greek Wedding, Even managed to sport some very fetching bruises this morning, which probably means I fell on my arse at some point in last nights procedings.

So as a hangover cure I listen to Evanessence (Open Door) and Kasabian (Empire) on volume number setting VERY VERY loud to hack off the neighbours! And catch up on some blogging. The synopsis to my two new books can wait.

I was just looking out of my bedroom window and I notice parked outside my house (which gets my hackles up for a start, if you are visiting a friend park outside their bloody house, I don't want to stare at your old rust bucket for the next five hours)This car is a wheelie bin with an engine I swear, even the wheel trims are rusting, but what makes me laugh the most is attached to the stearing wheel is the biggest and brightest anti theft device ever made. Now if I was to suddenly decide on a career change to Grand Theft Auto, I think I would be looking to nick Range Rovers, Ferraris and the odd Porche not an L Reg ZX Citreon that would look more at home in a scrap yard than on the road. I wonder how it made it through it's M.O.T.... On a wing and a prayer I shouldn't wonder.

Okay I have finished tearing apart someones pride and joy. I have been thinking about my lists, because you know I like my lists and BBC 1 actually put something good on the Telly Box over Christmas, (Okay, Okay apart from Doctor Who and Torchwood)They actually paid some producers and actors to make a drama about Dracula. Mark Warren, you make a very sexy Blood Sucker!! So In honour of Horror Flick Fanatics everywhere here are my lists of Best Witchy, Wolfy, Vampy and General Horror Flicks Ever.

Final Part of Sample Chapter of Third Book. Vampires

2006-12-28T18:07:00.001Z

Galliano continued his feed on the girl, but his intense excitement of the hunt and the feed was now lost to him and the girl was barely alive. Her mind was grey and he had lost the visions that he always enjoyed as he fed. He broke off, bit his own tongue and licked the wounds on her punctured throat. His blood instantly healed the wounds he had created and he dropped her unceremoniously to the ground.

He turned to Lucas. He was shorter than himself, no more than five foot eight inches tall with a boyish adolescent frame compared to Galliano’s six foot well built and toned frame. His eyes were large, piercing blue. Even as a mortal his eyes would have been his most startling and attractive feature, but as a vampire they were magnetic and Galliano was constantly chastising him for not wearing shades or coloured contacts when amongst the humans. His blonde shoulder length locks were wavy and unkempt, not worn that way as a fashion statement as Lucas had trouble looking after his appearance at the best of times. If it wasn’t for Galliano’s insistence on hygiene, Lucas would probably never even bother to change his clothes, it was unimportant and unnecessary, but again he would pass in a crowd of people if he had to be forced into a situation that would necessitate passing for human. His soft, innocent features and his constant jittering nervous disposition belied his true age and fierce predator instincts.

Galliano sighed “Lucas, what have I told you? My dinner was ruined by the time I got back to her, she gone cold.” He made a sweeping gesture with his hand at the dead prey. Lucas sat like a little imp on the log and looked up as if a child in the throws of a good ticking off.
“Sorry Galli, forgot! Got carried away with my news.” His eyes lit up now as if it was all forgotten.
“That reminds me, What I came to tell you Galli. Your Magical Princess is leaving Rasnov. I flew back as soon as I heard.” He smiled enthusiastically waiting for approval, like a son waiting for praise from his father.

“I know Lucas,” Galliano huffed “I’ve tasted her. No? I’m mentally connected to her! Yes?” He tapped his temple with his index finger. “Besides they’re not leaving until tomorrow evening. Come on I need to dump the body where the wolves can find it.”

He picked up the body like it was and old floppy rag doll and slung the dead Slovenian Minx over his shoulder.
“The sooner we get out of Transylvania the better. Lord knows what sort of taunts I’d get from the covens if they knew the Mighty Vampire Galliano had been skulking around Count Dracula’s turf.. Vampires in Transylvania. Its so cliché!” Galliano scoffed as they both headed up the steep hillside.
“But, if you can track her by thought why come here and risk ridicule from the others?”
“Because my tempestuous sidekick, my telepathy range on a witch as powerful as Amethyst, doesn’t work on the other side of the world. Not even with swapping blood. I had to risk exposure of my existence at that nightclub in Manchester to get her blood, so I could get some kind of connection telepathically to her in the first place. And I can’t just go waltzing into Rasnov Citadel as she will sense me immediately.”

“How? She’s not a telepath.” Lucas was walking fast to keep up with Galliano’s long strides.
“Blood Swap! Actually she is a very adept telepath. Maybe not to a vampires standard,but better than others of her ilk. This is a safe enough distance for her not to sense me, but I can keep track of her.”
“You’re going to an awful lot of trouble Galli for one little witch.”
Galliano swung round to face his companion as Lucas ducked to avoid being hit in the face by a pair of swinging dead legs daggling over Galliano’s shoulder.
“Well, I thought it was time for a change, having stared at your ugly mush for the last century.” He smiled at Lucas and they carried on up the steep slope, never slowing and never tiring.

Galliano dumped his victim on the ground by the ski lift, which he knew would be out of action until December. He could pick up the distinct smell of wolves close by. Hopefully there would be nothing left of her by the time the tourists began to overrun the resort again. Suddenly he remembered something.
“Here Lucas, half for me, and half for you.” He handed Lucas a bundled of paper notes. “I think there’s about 2000 dollars, if I am not mistaken. It will come in handy when we get back to the States.”
“If we get back Galli, we’ve been on this magical mystery tour for nearly a year now. Where we end up is anyone’s guess.” Lucas sounded despondent.

“Never fear Lucas, it will come to an end soon, but first….Egypt!”
“Not Egypt,” Lucas groaned “God all that sand, and the food is terrible. Too much salt and sweat. Yurghh! I haven’t been back there since I supped on Lord Caernarfon, then realised he had syphilis. I thought I was going to die.”
Galliano chuckled under his breath.
“Lucas old chap, you ARE dead and at least you didn’t have the misfortune to taste Howard Carter, he was as rancid as a maggot infested pheasant.”
“Nice!” Lucas screwed up his face in mock disgust as he tried to remember what pheasant had tasted like as a mortal.

Galli clapped Lucas on the back. “Come on, we’ll make a head start. The sooner we get out of this country the better.”
“I know what you mean. I was in this tavern in Old town Brasov earlier this evening and a group of vampire hunters came in and started discussing their itinerary for the week. Stalking Bran Castle and then they are going to be staking out Piona Brasov too.”
Galliano’s eyes narrowed as he repeatedly slowly “Staking Out!”
Lucas realised his faux pas. “Sorry no pun was intended there. Honest! Anyway what I was trying to say was that I know they are just tourists pretending to be Van Helsing, but I really do think it is prudent to avoid these kinds of humans.”
“I quite agree my prudent little pundit!” Galliano flashed his fangs in amusement “If we set off now we can catch supper in Cairo before dawn.”

Third Part of Sample Chapter of Third Book, Vampires

2006-12-26T11:19:00.001Z

Gracefully he rose from the deep blue velour seat and left his un-drunk wine and walked out of the bar area. He stared at the waitress who had served him earlier. She stared back at him entranced. He ran his hands over her head and kissed her lips.
“I was never here. You never saw me.” He whispered into her ear as she stared emptily back at him. Before anyone else saw him he silently slipped out of the back door of the club and into the darkness.

“What are you doing Lena? Get back to work and stop daydreaming!” The waitress’s manager scolded her. Lena shook her head as if trying to shake off a spell.
“What. Where… oh right. Yes boss, sorry.” She busily began washing glasses behind the bar, feeling a little strange about herself. As if something important had just happened, but was’t quite sure what.

After leaving behind the tinny base drums and rattle of what people of the modern world call music, he was grateful to be back outside in the calm and tranquillity of rural night time. He couldn’t help reminisce and admit to himself that this was how he remembered night as a mortal. No street lights, no hustle and bustle of traffic. Hardly anyone left the safety and security of their homes for fear of superstitious creatures stalking you and having their wicked way with you. He chuckled to himself. “Wait a minute! There are supernatural creatures out there waiting to stalk you and have their wicked way with you,” He thought.

He knew those people of a bygone age were right to fear the dark and unknown. With the invention of electricity and light bulbs all that changed, with cities lit up like Las Vegas, its residents, the world over stayed out all hours of the night. The modern human only feared their own kind now, thugs, rapist, murderers and thieves. Now, if you wanted peace you had to go on a pilgrimage to a Tibetan mountain top, purchase your very own tropical island, walk through the Amazon rain forest (when its not being chopped down), but here he was, a ski resort in Transylvania, closed up between the summer and winter season. And it was Bliss!

The only street lights that existed were on the main road that led in and out of the resort. The tiny winding gravel roads, weaving in between the Pine, Cedars and ski lodges, were in total darkness at this time. His night vision didn’t falter though and he could still hear and feel the energy vibrations of his Slovenian minx ahead of him. He could see in her mind that she resented having to go back to the shack she and her brother had to live in. It was a hovel and she had decorated the walls with pictures from magazines she had stolen from western tourists hotel rooms where she worked as a room maid. The images were of grand houses and decadent furnishings. She was so deluded to think that one day she would live the fabulous life of the rich and famous.

He could hear her think to herself that she nearly had enough to pay the strange balding man from Brasov city to smuggle her and her brother to England, where they had heard stories that they could claim asylum and live in sheer luxury off Englands very generous welfare state. As he stalked her, they moved further away from the resort centre, he began to feel sorry for her. She was motivated purely by materialism and was so deluded to think a better life was waiting for her in England. She wasn’t starving. She wasn’t destitute, but greed drove her to commit crimes against other human beings.
“Oh forget the sentimental mush, your just hungry.” He told himself. With that he moved with lightening speed that no human would see, except maybe for a shimmer of movement like a ripple effect created on extremely hazy, hot days. He was a shadow, nothing more. He seized his opportunity and pounced on her from the front.

He grabbed her throat so she was unable to scream out for help. His eyes glistened gold as they caught the light of the moon, and the Slovenian Minx knew that this man was not entirely human. She stared at him then flinched as she saw the tiny razor sharp fangs and she let out a short gasp as he sunk his teeth into her anterior artery in her neck.
“Oh Bliss, rapture!” He thought as he closed his eyes and savoured the moment and the flavour. He was now able to delve deep into her psyche as her blood made its connection with his body. Her hatred for the Croatians, her deceit and manipulation had led to some of her own childhood friend’s deaths. He saw a dagger in her hand as she thrust it into her one time Croatian friends’ chest.
“Ah! Murderer too, a true evil one. Just drink and drink and drink until there’s nothing left. NO GUILT!” He crooned to himself. He felt the life of the girl ebb away.

“Galliano……….Galliano!”
He came back to his senses away from his victim’s now deadened mind. He held her throat tight to stem the flow of blood so he didn’t lose the precious last drop. He fought to refocus his blurred and fuzzy vision that always came with a feed.
“Galliano!”
“What?” He said finally, prickling with irritation at the interruption to his feed. But he knew the voice behind him and couldn’t stay mad with him for long. He sighed.
“Lucas! Is it at all possible that I may finish my meal uninterrupted? Just once, is all I ask? I know you like to eat like a slob, but I like to savour my food!”
“Sorry, Galli.” Lucas replied a tad jumpy and excited.
“I’ll just wait over here, don’t mind me, pretend I am not here.” He backed up and went to sit on a felled Pine tree trunk.

Galliano continued his feed on the girl, but his intense excitement of the hunt and the feed was now lost to him and the girl was barely alive. Her mind was grey and he had lost the visions that he always enjoyed as he fed. He broke off, bit his own tongue and licked the wounds on her punctured throat. His blood instantly healed the wounds he had created and he dropped her unceremoniously to the ground.

2nd Part of Sample Chapter Third Book, Vampire Sorceress

2006-12-24T10:51:00.001Z

“Can I help you Sir?” A petite girl no older than eighteen, dressed in a very short black skirt, white blouse and bow tie and a black waistcoat, greeted him.
“I am a guest here and I would like a table please!” He flashed one of his most exquisite smiles. The waitress blushed.
“This way sir!” The girl showed him a table and lit a candle
“What would you like to drink?”
“You!” he thought, but politely accepted her offer of the drinks list and immediately laughed out loud.
“Oh well it would HAVE to be the Pinot Noir…. Vampires wine! Oh Yes!”
The waitress giggled at his over enthusiastic reaction to the drink that tourists always loved because of the name.
“1898 was a particularly good year. What year do you have?”
“2001 Sir” He stifled a laugh. The waitress looked puzzled at the private joke.
She was about to take her leave when he stopped her.
“By the way. How did you know I was English?” He enquired.
“I know you are not local Sir and most tourists speak English, even a little.” She suddenly felt embarrassed at having called him a tourist. Seriously now he said.
“My dear I am no tourist. This trip is purely business.”
He stared hard at her and she felt a little perturbed by him so she quickly scurried off to fetch the stranger his drink.

A new song began to blare out from the DJs decks and a dozen youngsters from a table opposite him enthusiastically jumped up from their seats and began to dance in a salsa style with their partners. The Latin dance was a bit too raunchy for what he was used to, the Viennese Waltz, but he liked it none the less. It was a pleasure to see young people of the opposite sex dancing with one another, properly holding each other, unabashed by the tactility of this style of dance. Not like in the night clubs of western countries like England and America, where youngsters gyrate around one another not actually touching, unless they suddenly feel the need to fondle each others private areas as a sneaky reassurance that they are actually a couple and then there are others that just dance like they are receiving one giant electric shock from the dance floor!

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the waitress returning to the table with a bottle and a glass. She opened the bottle with ease and poured a small amount for him to taste. He lifted the glass to his nose, swirled the wine inside, and then took a deep sniff. The bouquet was an electric full bodied red. He just wished it tasted as good as he remembered before he was turned. As always though when he took the slightest sip, it would taste rancid, like rotting flesh.
“Delightful miss, you may leave the bottle.” He smiled and she reciprocated and left. He looked at the label on the bottle. The word VAMPIRE was dripping with blood spots at the ends of the V and the P, which had been made to look like vampire fangs.
“Oh Lord!” He said under his breath.

Just then he couldn’t help notice a girl with long mousy brown hair, who seemed to have just materialised on the dance floor from nowhere. Her hair flowed down her entire back. She wasn’t pretty in the conventional sense of the word, but had strong features that made her look hardened to life, despite her young years.
She breezed over to a couple enjoying a salsa dance and cut in. She said something to the woman and gave her a hard stare. The woman dancing didn’t object, in fact looked a little afraid and merely sat back down at the table and lit a cigarette and smoked it with exaggerated gestures to show her irritation.

Now he was spellbound. He didn’t understand what she had said. It wasn’t Romanian that she had spoken, but it was definitely Eastern European in origin. Oh this is fascinating, he thought, this could get very interesting. He decided to delve into her mind. Pictures, images, thoughts are all the same; no matter what language of the world you speak. He glared at her and concentrated on her vibes and life force energy. It was always easier when he could stare them in the face, but she was so excitable he could get enough from her profile. The music was now drowned out by the buzzing of her energy, and as she danced with her partner on the dance floor she glared cold and hard at him.

Inside the girls mind now he could see what she was describing in words to her partner. The business man from foreign lands was sleeping soundly in his hotel room. She had laced his drink and she had relieved him of the burden of looking after $2000 US Dollars. It was a cinch. She will go to the city tomorrow and hide in the crowds until the poor sap had gone back to his home country. She boasted again at how easy it had been, how it was always so easy. Then she began to chastise him for dancing with simpletons. What had she told him about getting too close to the locals? They were here illegally, and she wasn’t going back to the war torn ghettos of Slovenia.

That was all he needed to hear from her. The nubile young minx was anything but innocent. She lied, manipulated, stole, deceived, drugged and was a prostitute. “Oh yes,” he thought “and there was I thinking I would be guilt ridden for the next few evenings at the thought of taking a little sip from an innocent’s artery.” Now he could have a proper drink. He watched her through the flashing neon lights of the club. He soaked in her reflection through the mirrors as she danced provocatively with her own brother. “This is even better,” he thought as he continued to delve into her head. “Incest!”

Finally she had decided to leave the club early because she had to be up early to catch the first bus out of the resort.
“At last” he thought “one more sniff of that wine and I wouldn’t have cared who saw me. Just pounce on her on the dance floor and take her there and then”
He allowed her to calmly glide out of the main dance area, but concentrated on keeping psychically latched to her mind and energy vibes so that he didn’t lose her.

First Part of Sample Chapter to Third Book. Vampire Sorceress

2006-12-24T00:53:00.001Z

He sat staring, hypnotised by the only light in his room. The light of a single candle, he watched it flicker sporadically as a cool breeze, from a balcony door which was slightly ajar, it swirled around the hotel bedroom. The heavy, gold velour curtains, rustled gently by the window. The décor was very dark and oppressive, with wall to wall dark pine cladding, brown bedding sheets and worn paisley patterned carpets. He was staying in a very old ski lodge in the bowels of the once Eastern Block country of Romania, though thankfully the citizens were now free of the tyranny of the communist years, it was still very obvious to the westerners eye that a lot of work still needed to be done to the country to bring it kicking and screaming into the 21st Century.

He blinked for the first time in what seemed like an age, as the howl of a solitary wolf drifted over the pine covered ski slopes that engulfed the tiny village of Piona Brasov. He smiled as he was stirred from his melancholy stare, as he thought to himself “What a perfect place for him to find himself, being what he was and now the obligatory wolf resounding its sad chorus outside, how cliché.”
He rolled his eyes to the ceiling in a mock gesture of boredom. As he did so he stopped as his hearing began to tune in to a very different song now.

“Great! Euro-trash pop, that’s all I need.” He cursed under his breath. He had heard youngsters call the music as such and he honed in his hearing to route out the source. A discotech from the basement of the hotel next door. He pushed his senses further, through the building and he could now hear the voice of young adults chatting about clothes, music and the opposite sex. He smiled again. “Youth, they never change. And the 20th Century think they invented the teenager!”

He shook his head reminiscently. He sat staring at the candle once more, trying desperately to ignore the party next door, but it was no use, tracking the sources of the music and voices had also inadvertently woken his other great sense. Smell. He could smell the alcohol on their breaths as they spoke to one another in the disco and now the faint smell of human wafted under his nose, teasing his next great sense. Taste!
Young blood, his heart pounded. No, I mustn’t, his brain screamed, the old and evil only.

“That’s it!” He slammed both hands on the desk in frustration and pushed himself up from his seat. The chair fell backwards onto the floor, but he didn’t even bother to set it straight again. He grabbed his black raincoat from the bed and paused for a second to admire his adorable chiselled features in the mirror. His black hair was dishevelled as it fell over his shoulders, but that was how the trendy youths of today wore it. His skin was pale, but perfectly flawless. He jutted out his jaw and ran a finger over his eyebrows, to ensure every hair was perfectly in place and his deep brown eyes shimmered with a flicker of gold in his pupils that no human could resist. The peacock was preened and ready to go out prowling. He shot out of the door at lightening speed.
The balcony door that is!

The smell of young fresh flesh drove him insane as he leapt from the balcony of the fourth floor and landed with such precise agility he would have earned a perfect 6.0 in Olympic Gymnastics. He walked as slowly as he could so he could pass for human if anyone was watching from their windows. Why? He wasn’t too sure, seeing as anyone could easily have seen him throwing himself off a balcony! “Must be more careful,” he thought, “don’t want a repeat episode of St Petersburg a century ago.” If it hadn’t been for his travelling companion he could have been burnt at the stake! “Well almost, slight exaggeration,” he smiled ruefully at the memory.

Any guilt or sense of morality was lost to him now, the lure of blood was too strong and the hunt was now on. “Just a little nibble of the tiniest odeourve,“ He mumbled to himself, then flashed a wicked smile. “Must not do that when I get in there,” he thought. “Don’t want them seeing my pearly whites now.” He continued down the steep driveway to the hotel Lavka next door to the one he was temporarily residing in.

The smell of pine and cedar were strong now he was out in the open, but the smell of human was even stronger and certainly more alluring. He took one last look on to the ski slopes and saw the mist from the Carpathian mountains weave its way through the trees, when he caught out of the corner of his eye the flash of a wolfs red eye. “I hope you’re not spying on me?” He growled softly as he flashed a soft Gold glittery eye too the wolf. The Red she wolf watched him for only a second then scoffed loudly and sauntered off back into the woods.

Although this was a ski resort, it was September, the end of the summer season was yet not cold enough for snow. This meant there were hardly any tourists milling around the resort and this was just how he liked it. He entered the nightclub around the back of the hotel. The Disco was decorated from floor to ceiling with mirrors and the disco ball in the centre of the ceiling twinkled and flashed and bounced off every mirror. The place was relatively dark, but that didn’t bother his eyesight. He didn’t even need to adjust to night vision as his sight was permanently in night vision mode. He had to adjust his eyesight to light vision, if artificial light was switched on. The rest of the club was furnished in dark blue velour and the seats were set out in little dens. It was the perfect 1980’s roller disco/euro trash disco scene.

Writing Progress on First Novel.

2006-12-21T14:45:00.000Z

Well I have had a very busy and extremely exciting week, finishing off the supernatural/paranormal thriller that is to be a series of 8 books, about vampires, witches, werewolves and demons. (No fluffy Buffy here, my friends, I can assure you).
I am coming to the end of completing my first novel and I have three trusted friends, all with different tastes and talents in the literary sense, proof reading my book, ready for submission to agents and publishing houses.

I have written over 10,000 words this week alone bringing my novel upto 108,000 plus words mark and I am riding to the last furlong to the finishing post. Hopefully, just another couple of thousand words and I am done.... exhausted and relieved that my project is now at it's most crucial stage.... finding a wonderful publisher to weave their magic.

One of my critiques is a published writer himself, so I cannot wait for his call to tell me what he thinks. In fact we were chatting this week about it over a, a la carte chrimbo dinner containing 4 asparagus spears and a flaky piece of cardboard (I think it was meant to be very thin crust pastry waifers) a slice of corgette, two pasta tortellinis, (in an Italian Restaurant you would get a whopping, steaming bowl full!) and a quarter of a pepper! This restaurant owner must be minted!

Now don't get me wrong!!! I love restaurants like these!! They ooze ambience and to me for some bizarre reason give me inspiration for my books. But and it is a big but!!
I don't frequent places like this for any other reason than the exceptional company and conversation that flows around the dinner table, cost is irrelveant.

Anyway we discussed the possibility of going self published. Now this idea intrigues me greatly. No rejection letters, no waiting around for weeks for the rejection letters and if I get the marketing style right the royalties are higher too!

So this is my all consuming mission for the Christmas holidays: Finish first book, start chapter four of second book, email copy of first book to as many publishing houses and agents (who accept unsolicited MSS via email, of course.) Oh yeah and somewhere in all of that squeeze in Christmas Day with the family. (maybe I will take my lap top with me to my brothers house.>:0))

In honour of the 'rip off' experiencies I and my firends have had in the past, such as in restaurants like the one I recently visited, and because I am setting a scene in my second boook in that very reataurant. I have decided to come up with the top five biggest rip offs in the world. Check out my list.
Merry Christmas if I don't manage a posting by Christmas Day. Bah Humbug!!

Final Part of Sample Chapter for Demon Lupus. Second Book in The Beyond Series

2006-12-19T10:56:00.001Z

Lily was crying uncontrollably and even Joseph couldn’t console her.
“Okay everyone, we stick close to each other we are dealing with three possibly four immor…..” he quickly corrected himself. “Men!. You know only swords can be used so don’t hang around trying to have a boxing match with them. Just lop it off and get the fuck out of there.” He sliced his hand across his throat to characterise a beheading. The less gory details he could go into in front of Lily the less explaining he had to do later.

“Now everyone stay close, there is the old disused fire station next to the cemetery; if we get separated we meet on the third floor of the old practice tower. That way we can keep a look out for any more attackers. Lily is to stay with me and Paul at all times. I am not falling for that separation tactic a second time.” He looked down at a tear stained face. “And Lily? If swords start flying! Duck!” He smiled as light heartedly as he could and kissed her gently on the forehead. Lily gave a nervous laugh before Joseph unravelled her long arms from around his back.

Paul was the first to venture out of the chapel. As an immortal he would have to lose his head before it was all over, so any more bullets would undoubtedly hurt like hell, but at least he would still be alive, well undead actually, he thought cynically. He gave a quick howl to say the coast was clear and Tristan came out next. Both were on high alert constantly sniffing the air for any scent of their attackers. Joseph and Lily came out next. The pack needed their leader alive as the whole plan would have to abort if he ended up dead, so they were protecting Joseph as much as their new pack female. Jason followed up their rear so they had all sides covered.

In this order of formation they began to weave in and out of the woodlands once more, covering their scents in crisscross formation. It would take twice as long to get to the safety of the fire station, but they had more chance of losing Declan and his team of assassins. Joseph was also hoping that Declan’s men had as poor sense of smell as he did, over the years Declan had drank and smoked his way into an early grave, until of course he decided to make himself immortal. All the chemical abuse though had left him with poor sense of smell and a chemical racked brain that made him immensely paranoid, but also heavily capricious.

Paul stood still and put his hand up for the party to wait. Everyone stopped breathing. Paul had obviously heard or seen something, but it was Lily who jumped first and grabbed Josephs arm.
“Did you hear that? It came from two o’clock to our right.” Lily whispered. “And what is that god awful smell?” She pinched her nose with her fingers and thumb.
“Declan!” Joseph and Jason heard a slight rustle of leaves so faint that anyone without a trained ear would have shrugged it off as the breeze.

The silence broke as two immortals came crashing through the trees from the opposite side from where they could sense Declan. The men were both brandishing swords high in the air and yelling a battle roar. Jason and Joseph were quick to respond and both turned in unison and in one sweeping movement cleanly cut the two attackers heads clean from their shoulders and the battle cries were instantly broken.
“I can’t stand all that yelling, when fighting. It’s enough to give me a headache!” Jason shook his head as he looked down and kicked one of the decapitated heads into the woodland, close to where they had smelt Declan.

“You’re no match Declan! Give it up and go home. Where ever that is?” Joseph shouted into the quiet and seemingly empty woods, but he knew he or possibly more were watching and he also knew that Declan was a coward and would try to creep up from behind and attack rather than fight face to face. Paul was sniffing the bodies.
“Newly made and new imm…” He stopped and looked at Lily who was lying on the ground and Tristan was on top her in a protective crouch. “Well you know, Joe. Christ all these newbie’s, what the hell is he playing at?”
“Is he building an army?” Paul asked as he erratically stared into the woods desperate to catch sight of him.
“I doubt it! It has probably taken him the last three years just to find this many were…” he looked at Lily, “...men mad enough to attack us.” Joseph replied as he took Lily’s hand and pulled her off the ground. Tristan also stood up now.

“I am going to rip that bastards head off one day!” Tristan growled through gritted teeth.
“Yes, but not today son, we are here for another reason. Declan can wait, he’s alone now and we know he is no puppy dog. He’s a real threat to us.” Joseph motioned to Paul to start the small convoy through the woods again. All the while everyone knew they were being watched.

After they had disposed of their attackers 5 bodies and buried them in the woods they hid the Avenger in the old disused Victorian stone fire station and climbed to the third floor of the practice tower. Joseph had chosen the third floor because it was high enough to see out 360 degrees around the town, but was low enough to escape should Declan decide to attack again. Paul and Tristan were on look out and they stood to attention not moving, but sniffing the air constantly for any unusual smells, like alcohol and chemical induced immortal werewolves!

Lily fell into a restless sleep. She had wanted to stay awake and listen to her father and brother whispering to see if she could hear what was going on, but she was physically and mentally exhausted and had fallen asleep almost as soon as her head hit the makeshift pillow made up of Jason and Tristan’s jackets.
Jason sat behind Joseph as he pulled the silver bullets out of his fathers back with a pair of old rusty pliers they had found lying around down stairs.

“You don’t think you will get gangrene do you?” Jason asked at last as he watched the wounds heal as he pulled out each bullet.
“I doubt it. Paul drank a bottle of arsenic once when he was smashed to prove we were truly immortal.” Joseph smiled and laughed softly at that night 15 years ago. They had made a pact that they would take immortality at the same time and had drunk their sons’ blood on the same night. Then the next day had gone out to celebrate with their other immortal brothers and sisters.

"Do you think Lil saw Paul’s and your bullet holes?” Jason broke Joseph’s thoughts.
“I hope not, I would assume she would have said something, but nevertheless we need to get some new clothes before we get to the airport. Trying to explain a holey bloody shirt and jacket to Customs officials may be tricky.”
“So we’re leaving today?”
“Absolutely! This place will be crawling with cops when they finally see the state of the pub and restaurant. I am just grateful there were no survivors to tell the tale about us being there.” Jason pulled the last bullet out.

“There! Paul your next!” Jason spun the pliers around his fingers. Joseph took his place on guard to replace Paul. With his back to Tristan he merely said.
“I hope you don’t do anything rash Tris! You’re like a son to me. It would kill me to see you get killed because you have a grudge against your maker.”
Tristan spun round to face Josephs back “MY Maker! Jesus Joe, that son of a bitch wrecked my life!” I had a promising career ahead of me.
Joseph motioned for silence. “Shhh. Why don’t you let the whole of Lancashire know we are here? And Declan didn’t ruin your life. He gave you a different one, you were born with the gene, if Declan hadn’t turned you then maybe a feral would have. And I am not trying to trivialize what happened to you, but honestly Tris you have to move on. Accept that this has happened to you and try to consider it an honour!”

Tristan looked at his master with horror and disbelief.
Joseph quickly cut in “Mere mortals would sell their sole to the Devil to have your strength, your power, your heightened senses and the chance for life longevity.”
“Yeah, and waking up every morning in a cold sweat checking my head is still attached to my shoulders.” Tristan turned back to look out over the cemetery and the North of Rawtenstall town centre.
“And like I said son, you could be dead now anyway a feral could have taken you then killed you. You were born this way, accept and be grateful that you WERE chosen to be one of us. At least you have the powers to defend yourself.” Joseph’s voice had softened to almost a whisper that he knew all of his pack found was a soothing tone.

“Right we’re done!” Paul clapped and rubbed his hands together as the uncomfortable silence was broken. Lily jumped from her sleep yelling “NO!” Everyone in the tower stopped and turned to face her. She had an expression of embarrassment and confusion on her face at shouting out in her sleep. Joseph walked over to her and knelt down with his back to the other men.
“Are you all right?” He was always concerned for her, but even more so under the circumstances. She nodded a little too keenly and gave a nervous smile.
“Another bad dream Princess?” She looked forlorn and tired for a brief second.
“I guess! Under the circumstances it’s to be expected right?” He thought about it. God how he wanted to just be honest? Tell her that her dreams weren’t, nightmares, but merely her mind preparing her for a huge change. Instead he merely gave her one of his most charismatic smiles and replied.
“Of course.” He grabbed her upper arms and gently lifted her to her feet. They turned and he put a protective arm around her back so that his hand rested on her shoulder.

“Right gang, time to move. Jay and Paul go first and get the Avenger. Bring it round the front and then we will come out of our hiding place.” With that Jason and Paul followed orders and within less than a minute the car quietly pulled up outside the front of the fire station. Joseph peered out from the third floor practice tower and looked down to assess the distance.
He looked at Tristan. “Ready?” Tristan just nodded. With a swift movement Joseph picked Lily up and flung her over his shoulder.
“Arghh, what the hell are you doing?” she smacked his back to let her go as she hung there helplessly, she tried kicking her legs, but his grip was too firm.
“Practicing my fireman’s lift!” With that he leapt off the towers balcony and landed perfectly on the slate roof of the two storey building below, which made up part of the fire stations offices. He then leapt again to the pavement below. He walked to the car that was now quietly purring to keep the engine warm.

“Joe! PUT ME DOWN!” Lily roared with indignation.
He finally obliged as the passenger door flung open and he bundled her in as Tristan sat down on the other passenger side. Lily was now sandwiched between the two men. They slammed the doors shut as the car screeched away heading towards the airport motorway.

Just seconds after their car had disappeared into the distance. Half a dozen police cars came soaring down the opposite side of the road, sirens blaring and stopped haphazardly outside the Madison Park Public House and De`Ja Vu French Restaurant.

Second Part Demon Lupus Sample Chapter. Second Book in The Beyond Series

2006-12-18T13:29:00.001Z

“How? How can you still be alive. I put a full magazine of silver bullets in both of you?” The last gunman standing stuttered.
“Immortal! Tough break!” Joseph raised his eyebrows then grabbed his coat and yanked him up to his height so his feet left the floor. As he helplessly hung there Joseph inhaled deeply.
“Not that old Feral! How long have you been changed?” He shook him when he wouldn’t give up the information. “Who is your Alpha, feral? Answer me and I will make sure your death is so fast you won’t feel a thing. Or maybe you would like me to torture you to death?” Joseph bared his teeth in a serious threat.
“We don’t have Alphas. That’s Pack shit!” He spat.
“Who made you?” Joseph roared. Three young Ferals with machine guns meant there were three new immortal ferals wondering around the North West of England.
“We haven’t got time for this Joe, just kill him and get out of here. The restaurant staff will already have called the police, if any are still alive. We need to get Lily out of here NOW!” Paul was becoming increasingly tetchy. Joseph nodded. He looked at his prey and sneered.
“I hate to be the one to tell you this kid, but your Feral master used you as a pawn. Silver bullets are an old wives tale. The only thing that can kill the likes of us is a very sharp samurai sword.” Betrayal flashed through the gun man's eyes before Joseph dropped his victim and snapped his neck as he fell to the floor.

Without another word exchanged they headed out of the back of the restaurant also following Tristan, Lily and Jason’s scent. Once over the Pub back yard wall they could hear more gun fire from outside the pub, but on the main street in front of the town.
“Shit Paul. Please let them be alive.” Joseph’s voice was in a low worried tone. They ran into the pub to find a macabre scene, straight out of a horror movie. Human bodies littered the stone floor. Glass and bottles were smashed all over the bar and the smell of alcohol, blood, urine and human faeces was intense, but Joseph knew just by the scent that none of his pack was still here.
“Get the swords out of the car!” Joseph headed to the door.
“Swords! Where the fuck did get swords from?” Paul was always amazed at Joseph’s ingenuity.
“Andrew’s precious antique sword collection. I lifted them before we came to the airport. Just in case!” They went out into the now empty street.
“Thank God for the English and their traditional Sunday afternoons.” Paul sighed.

In England Sunday was still a day of rest, no shops opened and after church, families returned home for a traditional roast dinner so no-one was about except for the unfortunate afternoon drinkers in the Madison Park Public House. It was nearly three o’clock, which was closing time in the pub. Joseph knew they had to get out of Rossendale Valley fast, before angry wives started making their way to the pub looking for their drunk husbands who were late for dinner.

They strode quickly to the Avenger and opened the boot of the car. They took out four swords, and then made their way back to the local village pub to pick up their packs scent again.
“I’ve got Tristan and Lily’s scent.” Paul was relieved, but not as much as he would be when they were all back together again. Joseph winced and stretched his back.
“These bullets are killing me!” Paul looked alarmed for a second.
“Oh, you mean not literally! How many did you take?” Paul looked at his blood stained shirt for the first time.
“I lost count after ten. How about you?” Joseph checked Paul’s back.
“Just a couple. No big deal.” Paul brushed his life long friend off.
“Come on, you can yank them out later. I’ve got Jay’s scent and…” Joseph paused and inhaled again. “No it can’t be!” He looked alarmed at Paul.
“What?” Paul was concerned if Joseph showed fear. He knew it wasn’t for them, but for their mortal pack family that were out there somewhere, unarmed and up against at least one if not more immortal Ferals.

“I am sure it’s Declan!” Joseph began to walk off in the direction of a cemetery directly opposite the French Restaurant.
“Declan! Shit Joe. Do you think he’s making his own Pack?” Paul ran to catch up with Joseph’s long stride.
“Who cares? He’s not going to be around long enough to try. If he thinks he can take on the Brannigans then he’s as stupid as he is ugly.” With that they began to run to the old Victorian cemetery and slipped through the Black wrought iron gates.

The cemetery was a huge sprawling affair, full of oak, silver birch and rowan trees. They continued to follow the packs scent up the hill as they dodged through the trees, weaving in and out around the foliage. This is how Joseph had taught Jason as a child to try to confuse the hunter. If their scent crisscrossed enough then it would hide their true trail. Joseph on the other hand had the advantage over Declan as he was Jason and Lily’s father and so could track them through a form of telepathy. It was very basic, more instinct than an exact science but he could track his own kind, especially Jason, as he had taken his blood to become immortal and consequently had made Jason a mortal werewolf through his saliva contaminating his blood stream, the pair had a special bond.

They headed towards the chapel, Joseph knew they were hiding out there now. He was close enough to detect them. He had lost Declan’s scent too, which was good news for the time being because he knew Declan was still out there in the woodland tracking them, but it was bad news because he didn’t know exactly where he was either.

They entered the Chapel cautiously first as Jason or Tristan could attack thinking they were the Ferals.
“Jay, Tristan, Lily. Are you in here?” He knew they were, he could smell Lily’s fresh scent first.
“Come out now, we need to get out of here!” He raised his voice in a commanding tone as the accoustics echoed around the empty place of worship. Jason came out of the vestry first.
“Dad! Thank God.” He turned around to check Lily hadn’t followed him. He lowered his voice to a barely audible tone.
“What the fuck is going on?”
“Declan! That’s what. The bastard must have been tracking us for a while and followed us to England. Lily and Tris.. Are they okay?” Joseph handed him a spare sword.
“Yeah, unhurt. Tristan is going to go spare.” Jason ran his fingers through his hair at the thought of Declan’s untimely return.

Declan had been a member of the Brannigan pack until three years ago. He had discovered Tristan whilst on holiday in Las Vegas. Declan had no children of his own so he had decided to take Tristan so he could become immortal. This was against the express orders of Nathaniel, who decreed that a pack member could only use your own child to become an immortal and only then if they had been raised around the pack and knew what they fate would one day be. This was to avoid any unnecessary disloyalties or the blood donor becoming mentally unstable or going on a human rampage and risking exposure of all their kind. Declan returned to The Den as an immortal and Nathaniel was furious, he banished him from the Den as punishment.

Joseph had warned Nathaniel that he would come back to haunt them and he should behead him and remove him as a potential threat. Nathaniel had refused, sighting that as a Pack born werewolf he deserved to prove his loyalty to redeem himself. He then sent Joseph and Paul on a reconnaissance mission to find the unfortunate man he had turned and bring him back to The Den, the pack headquarters. When they found Tristan he was still delirious from the metamorphosis he couldn’t accept that the supernatural world had existed. It almost drove him mad. Joseph and Paul had taken him under their wing and taught him pack ways. Lily had also been a huge help in bringing him out of himself. She had instantly taken a shine to him when she was visiting for that summer. Everyone could see the attraction between the two of them, but there was always the nagging problem that Lily was completely oblivious to their secret world. Joseph suddenly felt sick at the thought he would soon have to tell her the truth.

“Nathaniel said Declan had a chance to redeem himself. He has revoked that chance and so I have no qualms about beheading the S.O.B.”
“Joe, you’re full of bullet holes!” Jason really looked at his father for the first time.
“No Shit Einstein! Tristan, Lily get out here!” Joseph was losing patience.
Just then the vestry curtains twitched and Tristan had to physically pull a trembling Lily out of hiding. Joseph was furious. His plan was falling apart around his ears faster than a machine gun bullet! He also couldn’t help feel responsible and over protective of his daughter who by now was so pale and petrified that he thought she would vomit at the slightest noise or movement.
“Lily Baby, are you alright.” He held his arms out and she didn’t pause for thought, but ran into his arms and squeezed him as tight as she could.
Joseph winced again in pain as he felt a couple of bullets lodge further into his lower back muscles. Lily was shaking uncontrollably now and all Joseph could think of was how the hell he was going to get them out of the country in this state.

Sample Chapter From Second Book, Demon Lupus

2006-12-15T21:07:00.001Z

Great Escape
They got back to the Rossendale Valley within an hour and half. Paul had already passed Lily’s new passport to Joseph as they entered a local French restaurant. There were two reasons for them coming here first. They needed somewhere quiet to discuss their plans in private without eavesdroppers by the names of Andrew and Carmel and the French restaurant was chosen by Joseph and Jason because it was the only restaurant for miles around that wouldn’t raise an eyebrow for asking to serve them raw meat, but actually sold it as a speciality.

As they sat down they ordered immediately.
“Five Steak Tartars please” Joseph smiled at the waiter as charmingly as he could. They were all starving hungry and the faster the food came the better.
No sooner had they sat down then the discussion began.
“So now we have a passport I want Lily on the next plane out tomorrow. We will take her to the Bobby Shop to check in then we will high tail it to the airport and get on the first plane out. That means we have a full twenty four hours to get back to the States and disappear back into obscurity at the Den.” Joseph took a huge bite out his bread roll.
“Wait a minute.” Everyone looked at Lily and suddenly realised that no one had actually had the courtesy to discuss plans with her first.
“So you’re telling me that I am going back to Eden Prairie tomorrow.”
“That’s right Princess. Are you okay with that?” Joseph smiled.
“Am I?” She grinned “Is this for summer or is it permanent?”

He smiled again “Permanent!” He loved giving his daughter good news and he knew how desperate she was to get away from her “Aunt and Uncle”.
“Well that’s great Joe, but we have a small problem that seems to have been overlooked. My Passport! Its been revoked, remember.”
“Ah yes, that’s why you may want this!” He handed over a small navy blue pocket book to her. She looked at the Golden Eagle embossed on the front and with her mouth gaping open, looked up at Joseph then to each of the three other men around the table one by one. She opened up the first page to see her photograph. It was a couple of years old as was the passport. She glanced at her name, expecting it to say Lily Roberts. Instead she took a double take as she realised her name actually read Lily Brannigan.

“I…” She paused. “I don’t understand!”
“Well we can’t sneak you out of the country with your current name or as a British Citizen. It will be easier this way.”
“But, but how did you get this made up so quickly?” She narrowed her eyes accusingly. “Is this a false passport?”
“No Princess. Its real. Bona-fide. Kosher.”
“Okay. Okay I get it. Its real. But Brannigan? How can I be two different people?”
“I registered your birth in the States, when you were first born. I think ahead. It was a just in case get out clause.” Joseph felt awkward about this conversation, especially as Jason, Paul and Tristan were all listening too. He had to play this carefully. He had warned them not to tell her the whole truth just yet. He had to get her to agree to come back to the Den.
“Just in case clause?” She repeated slowly and somewhat suspiciously.
“Well the life we lead sometimes warrants us to be overcautious.” He looked down and began to play with his fork.
“Are you guys gangsters or something?” Lily was partly right he thought ironically. The others just shuffled awkwardly in their chairs. They were gangsters of a fashion. They just didn’t always abide by human laws to make money or to get what they want.

“Look Princess, give me your passport back. I will look after it for you.” She dutifully obeyed. She felt so happy for the first time in a year, when she last stayed at the Den in Eden Prairie, but a little dubious about the name change. She concluded it was because she was in trouble with the law and nothing more, she had always wondered why Joseph had named his house the Den too. Maybe she would ask him when they got there and were alone, seeing as this was to be her new home.
“Wait, what about Aunt Carmel and Uncle Andrew?” Lily suddenly felt a pang of guilt despite the fact that she didn’t like her guardians very much.
“Well you can come back and visit, when all of this mess blows over and they can come out to Eden Prairie.” Joseph hated lying to her, but he had to get her to Eden Prairie and then deal with the consequences later.
Jason rolled his eyes. He thought she wouldn’t have cared less about them after the way they had treated her over the years, keeping her under a tight reign. Showing her no love all her life, he was just grateful that she had experienced it with Joseph and his other brothers looking after her. Granted three thousand miles away, but they were always only a seven hour flight away.

Jason snapped out of his thoughts in an instant. He started to have one of his intuitive moments.
“Heads up guys. We have visitors. Looks like THEY have cottoned on to what is going down here.” They all looked at Jason and were all on red alert except for Lily who just looked at him frowning with confusion.
“Who are they?”
Just as she asked this a blonde haired man appeared at the restaurant window. From under his black leather jacket he pulled out a semi automatic gun and held it up to the restaurant window.
“Holy Shit!” Exclaimed Paul
“Get Down!” Jason shouted as a burst of gun fire shattered through the restaurant and they all hit the floor. Tristan threw Lily to the floor and landed on top of her. He held her down as she screamed in fright. The noise was deafening even for human ears, but for them it was unbelievable torture. Jason thought his ears were going to start bleeding it was that painful.

The gun fire ceased and Lily was trapped under Tristan still screaming in terror. Tristan tried to calm her down.
“Hush Lily. Your okay. No-one is going to harm you.” She stopped screaming, but was shaking uncontrollably. They started to get up off the floor.
“Tristan get Lily out of here.” Joseph ordered.
Tristan didn’t need to wait for any more orders he dragged her up off the floor with such lightening speed and took off towards the Kitchen door that Lily hadn’t even blinked before she realised they were heading out of the back door. How the hell can he and me move so fast she thought? Her mind was racing. None of this was normal, but the need for self preservation took over as she was running with Tristan at the same speed. From behind her she could hear another burst of machine gun fire just as Tristan yanked her up into the air as the pair of them cleared a ten foot wall and she found herself landing sure footed in a back yard full of empty steel beer kegs.

“Great! A public bar. I hope they are not mad enough to open fire in here.” Tristan rushed to the door and yanked the locked door off its hinges.
“How did you do that? All of that Tristan? We just cleared a fucking ten foot wall for Christ sakes.” Lily was hysterical now. “And who were they back at the restaurant? What’s going on?” She screamed.
“Please Lily just keep your voice down and get inside. We don’t want them to hear you.” Tristan grabbed her arm and dragged her into the back of the public house. Now was not the time to cajole her with soft words. Act now and try to explain away what she had just seen later.

Back at the restaurant three men had jumped through the broken windows and opened fire again.
“Jason GET OUT! Get the car and find Lil and Tris!” Joseph shouted over the din. We will take care of them!”
Jason waited for the right moment and shot out the Kitchen door as fast as Tristan and Lily had. He followed their scent and leapt over the Pub wall and ran into the pub. Joseph and Paul looked at one another from behind the bar in the restaurant that they were using for cover.
“Do you know how many bullets we can take?” Paul laughed hysterically.
“Don’t know brother. Never been shot at before. Lets find out shall we, after three. One, two, three!” They both jumped high into the air and somersaulted over the bar. Paul landed in a crouch then charged at the blonde haired gun man that Jason had first seen through the window and head butted him in the stomach. He grunted as the wind was knocked out of him and they both hit the floor with a thud. Paul grabbed the mans hair and yanked his head forward so fast and with such force that his neck snapped instantly and his cervical vertebrae was protruding out of the back of his head.

Meanwhile Joseph had gone straight in with a kung foo kick and his foot landed squarely in another gun mans face. His sheer strength crushed the mans skull and his nose caved into his head. As they landed Josephs foot was still attached to the man’s face. Well what was left of it. He stood there looking at the brains, flesh and bone that was seeping out of the face when he felt searing pain shoot through his back and then registered the crack of gun fire. He let out a guttural growl and turned around just as the third gun mans round of ammunition ran out. He clicked his trigger twice and realised his mistake. He looked up as Joseph and Paul walked towards him. Horror was fixed on his face and his feet wouldn’t move like they were super glued to the spot.

Back FromVienna

2006-12-14T21:17:00.001Z

I have recently been on a trip to Vienna, Austria. Hence no postings for a while. I was disappointed with the trip for a number of reasons.

First I don't know what I was going to expect when I stepped off the plane. Women dressed in ballgowns and men in penguin suits waltzing around the parks and squares. Or maybe Mig Ure from Ultravox walking out of a misty narrow cobbled street wabbling Vienna, but to me Vienna was like any other European city, some historical and beautiful buildings mingled with the modern.

The museums were fantastic, and there are plenty. I like to go to these historical destinations to gain some literary inspiration and usually it does work, but there I was in my favourite place in any museum, the Egyptian room when I suddenly caught the first signs of an inpending Yuletide Bug! You know the sort. You work your socks off all year then when you decide you deserve a short vacation, your immune system decides to pack its bags and bugger off on holiday too!

It didn't help that the food wasn't exactly to my liking either. If it's not Pickled, Fried, Smoked or someone wafting a big fat dried cured sausage in your face, well it's not worth consuming apparently.

Then there was the hotel. It was a lovely four star affair, in one of those little cobbled side streets pleasantly decorated in a tastefully festive manner that I was expecting everywhere in Vienna, so I was pleased about that, but the constant christmas music played in the foyer and in the dining room drove me insane! Imagine having to listen to Cliff Richards "Christmas Time" every morning whilst you try to knaw on your smoked cheese and dry cured frankfurter. Argghhh!

The Christmas markets were okay, but blimey some stall holders didn't half sell some dodgy Christmas crap...I mean Christmas craft,(slip of the hand!) at over inflated prices because we tourist just love relieving ourselves of all that strange foreign currency burning a hole in our pockets! The worst stall or should I say laughable stall was selling microchip board earrings!! Now I think they were earrings or they could have been Christmas Tree decorations for all I know.

I am sorry, but for some reason I just can't get into the Christmas spirit. All that running around buying presents you know the recipiant won't use, cleaning your house until it's spotless for fear of a friend or family member inviting themselves over for some home made mince pies and decides to run their finger along your shelving unit, checking for dust.
Over eating, over drinking and over spending.OVER INDULGENCE. So come on Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future, do your worst; and don't even bother waving Tiny Tim under my nose because it just won't wash with me. "Bah Humbug!"
You can come out of your hiding places. Rant over!
Check out my new list. Top five holiday destinations.

Third Part of Rock World sample chapter of Didikai Witch

2006-11-28T16:56:00.001Z

As Galleano figured more revellers would be on the streets than in the club by now, making it harder for an inconspicuous escape route as well as the added irritation of the armed English police force, who didn’t take too kindly to the mad English binge drinking culture, would be descending on the club to “take down” anyone left in here firing guns, casting spells or biting the hell out of everyone!

“Trust Sir Robert Peel to invent a gang of ‘Bobbies’ to irritate the hell out of me one hundred and fifty years after he is dead and buried.”
“You knew the man?” Lucas sounded surprised, but also greatly interested in the man who did so much for the Old English culture that was the epitome of their society today, as he was alive during his period as a mortal.
“Knew him Luke? Hell the bastard owed me one hundred English notes in a game of poker. I did offer to take his wife off his hands in lieu of the debt, but the mad man refused.” Galleano shrugged incomprehensibility at this offer he thought any man would never refuse. “You get yourself out of here Lucas; I will head off Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys.”
“You’re not leaving her here are you?” Lucas looked bemused as he nodded at the sleeping beauty.

“She’s not ready yet my friend. Besides I have some unfinished business to tidy up before I allow her into our world.” He took one more look at his long lost daughter and left the cubicle gracefully just as Lily in wolf form and Jason appeared from the staircase.

“Oh! Lily dear could you at least for once control your erotic need to change and tear my family’s throats out!” He announced in a nonchalant fashion.
Lily swivelled her ears to let Galleano know she had heard and understood his reprimand, but would choose to ignore it as usual. He continued.
“Lucas and I will meet you back at the lair, Good work tonight, despite the mess and ever present police cars that I come to expect from you two.” Jason nodded acknowledgement, but again chose not to be bothered to argue with Galleano’s sarcastic streak.

Before Galleano’s very eyes he too transformed into a coffee pelted, exotic muscular wolf, far too large or unusually coloured to pass for the Northern American variety, but if they kept to the back streets they could run to open fields soon enough without detection at this time of night, or was it now early hours of the morning? Galleano pondered for a millisecond then got back on track.

Jason howled as he ripped off his suit that hung from what was once his human shoulders, but was now shredded over his hackles from the result of his rapid growth, then on all fours Lily and Jason smashed out of the closed fire exit door and into the night.

“Is it just me Luke or do werewolves have no idea about neat and tidiness.” He sighed.
As Lucas and Galleano reached the fire exit they looked back to see Michael reach the top of the staircase. Galleano smiled briefly and pushed Lucas out of the non existent door and onto the fire escape.
“I told you to leave ages ago.” Galleano chastised to his companion. Lucas looked back at the dark haired beautiful man stood fearless by the staircase. Yes Lucas meant beauty. Then he disappeared into the night.

Michael heard flesh ripping and bone crunching as the untidy blonde man was unceremoniously shoved out of the fire escape. He saw a shadow with a huge wing span flap high into the Manchester skyline before it disappeared from his vision.

“Well Michael we are alone at last.” Galleano walked towards him then looked him up and down, before frowning at his crotch.
“Had an accident did we?” He was barely amused as he inhaled the smell of witch’s urine.
Michael blushed slightly then remembered his mission.
“Who the hell are you and where is Amethyst?” Michael tried to be as brassy and ballsy as he could, despite the trouser patch.
“Ah your daughter is quite well and safe.” He motioned theatrically to the cubical they had shared.
Michael gave a sideways glance at her motionless body and began to fill with rage as he realised somehow she had succumbed to whatever power this long black haired undertaker possessed.

“I am Galleano.” He said simply with a courteous smile with almost a bow to boot.
“Really!” Michael kept up his cool bravado. “Funny!” He sneered. “I called my pet dog the same.”
Michael knew he had over stepped the mark and underestimated the mans’ power as he glided up to him with such rapidity and had him pinned against the wall in a neck lock with just one elongated hand quicker than he could blink.
“Don’t test my patience Boy!” Galleano glowered.

Michael tried to cast an incantation, but his vocal chords were held too tightly together.
“Mighty Herne, Why oh why can’t you allow me to cast incantations by thought alone?” He prayed as he tried a disengaging incantation in his mind.

“Because my son if you could do that then there would be no hierarchy above witches and I would then be a redundant supernatural left to roam The Beyond like a fucking vagabond!” Galleano grinned now baring his vampiric fangs to Michael just to be sure he understood EXACTLY who or at least what he was dealing with.

Galleano lowered his grin to a threatening soft smile.
“I hope you properly emptied your bladder on the last pant pissing excursion.”
Michael struggled as his feet left the floor in his grip. Then without warning and quite to his surprise Michael dropped unceremoniously to the floor.
“I don’t want you to die Michael. You are her guardian and though you are a feisty, cocky little bastard, I would regrettably, for the time being like to keep it that way. You see I would rather have preferred Amethyst to have stayed under the protection of Avalonia for a few more years, but then she would never have invoked the spirit to become this all powerful witch and she wouldn’t have been able to use the ensuing years to practice and hone her witchy skills. So I guess I have to ask myself, which is the lesser of the two evils.”

Michael put his hand to his constricted throat and gasped for sweet air.
“What are you? You son of a bitch!” He spoke with hoarse rasps.
“You know what I am Michael. We could be allies, but if you wish us to be enemies then just say the word.” Galleano held his glare.

Michael thought it wise to hold his tongue. As Galleano drifted to the fire escape he stopped and turned back to look at Michael over his shoulder.
“By the way, I am NOT a son of a bitch, that’s Jason’s role. I am the son of a Croatian whore.” For a moments lapse in his concentration Galleano looked down his gaze in regret then turned back and disappeared out of the fire exit. The same ripping, tearing sound resounded around the VIP lounge as a shadow wafted past the door and disappeared.

Michael followed him in disbelief, he looked into the sky and down onto the street below. There was nothing except for a howl in the distance. Michael thought he was going mad. What, who did he just see then. The one, whose smile reminded him of someone he knew, he suddenly felt sick for Amethyst, he couldn’t hear her thoughts anymore.

“Amethyst!” he yelled and turned around to see her still lying on the tacky nightclub furniture. He scooped her up in is arms.
“Amethyst”! He whispered in her ear.
Alex, Kate and George had now joined Michael upstairs. Alex pulled back the curtains that kept the VIP lounge private.

“Oh God no” Michael was as close to weeping as he possibly could hold back.
“It’s okay” she’s still alive Michael.” Alex checked her pulse then checked all around her neck.
“You must have got here in time, No bites.” Alex felt relief wash over him.
“What?” Michael exclaimed in disbelief. “What the hell are you talking about Alex?” Michael was refusing to accept what had just happened.
“Did you or did you not just see two vampires fly out of that door Michael?”
Alex was serious, but Michael laughed almost hysterically.
“Alex this is nuts, first George starts babbling about werewolves and now you about vampires.”
“I didn’t mention Vampires to you.” Alex was concerned for his sanity; it reminded him of a look he saw on Carla’s face when he first found her at a psychic fair.
“Anyway how….” Michael stopped to think how Alex could possibly know about Galleano and the other Vampire.

“You read my mind AGAIN didn’t you?” He was seriously pissed off now.
“I merely saw in your mind what you saw with our own two eyes Michael. You were…well somewhat frightened and you let your guard down. I saw what you saw. Now help me get Amethyst out of here before this place is crawling with police.”
“Yeah and another thing, I thought you were high tailing it out of the men’s room?”
“We saw the were-wolf walk upstairs and decided to stay and help. Between the three of us we are holding the doors locked with our own inimitable gifts so we can keep the police out.”

They suddenly all turned in unison as they heard the doors break front and back of the club as the police barraged through.
“Shit!” Was all George managed to say under his breath. Michael looked at him properly for the first time. He had never heard the shy man speak up until now.
Quick thinking, Michael headed for the open fire escape.
“Follow me, hold skin on skin and stay close.” He muttered a Gypsy incantation under his breath. The scholar that Alex was decided then and there he was going to learn gypsy dialect, just so he could understand the type of spell Michael was casting. They all held each other by touch of skin on skin as Michael directed them and exited the eerily silent club through the same fire exit Michael had seen two were-wolves and two maybe vampires fly out of.

He still felt confused at what he had just witnessed and now he was worried for Amethyst.
“Why wouldn’t she wake up when he picked her up?” He cast power thoughts to her, but there was no response.
As they walked down the iron staircase outside the club in single file Michael
being first in line stood still and held his breath.

Didikai Witch - second half of the sample chapter

2006-11-26T21:38:00.001Z

Michael was trapped in a corner of the bar with a woman slowly and malevolently approaching him, whose temper was as fiery as her hair. He threw his last desolation spell, coupled with a few charmed words for added effect. This time it hit Lily square in the chest. She yelped like a wounded dog rather than a woman screaming in pain. She hit the floor hard like a rock.
“Bingo!” he yelled in triumph. “You’re a hard bitch to kill!” He smiled in a self indulgent manner that was short lived. Her supposedly lifeless body began to shake and convulse.

He heard a ripping sound as if her clothes were tearing. No. He corrected his hearing as he watched in horror and tilted his head in morbid fascination. It was more like flesh tearing, muscles and sinews stretching and was that…. No it couldn’t be, the sound of bones twisting and cracking.
He was brought back to the situation in a flash as he heard Alex yell over the now empty club.
“Michael over here quickly.” He looked up and behind him to see Alex’s head thrust itself out of the men’s toilet doors.
“Hurry up! We can get out this way. The toilet window!” He implored.” The Police are coming.”

He looked away to the front doors as he saw the blue flashing lights before the sirens even registered. He glanced back at his worthy fighting opponent he still expected to be lying on the floor in a post seizure posture. His eyes widened as what was actually in front of him was a very large amber haired dog. Correction wolf. Drooling and growling for his blood.
“Shit!” He didn’t dare turn his back on the beast. “Alex you get yourselves out of here. I will meet you back at the house. Trust me.” He suddenly felt something warm and wet trickle down his left leg.
“Crap!” he said under his breath. “I’ve actually pissed my pants!”
He could have sworn at this point that the wolf was actually letting out a doggy snicker.

She then growled again. This time she meant it as she bared her teeth. The fangs looked enormous to Michael and all he could do was stand there frozen to the spot, which was actually the best thing he could have done in such a situation. Wolves enjoy nothing more than to play on the fear of their victims in a hunt.
Not by bolting, they just both stood frozen to the spot glaring one another out in and staring stand off that would make any spaghetti western film producer proud.

Michael quickly realised that his best chance of survival was not to scram like the fretting rabbit he actually did feel like right now.
“Lily! LILY!” They both looked up towards the VIP balcony. Jason was leaning over.
“Get your ginger wolf butt up here. NOW!” He spoke with an American accent that was almost indistinguishable due to his panicked shouting of trying to command his subordinate sister back into rank.

Lily ignored him as she turned back to her nemesis and growled again. He had just knocked this warrior down with a desolation spell and she wasn’t best pleased.
He sent out as much telepathic thought he could muster to the angry hound.
“Listen to him! Cops are here. We will both die!”
She looked back at Jason as he let out a very loud, but deep guttural growl of warning to her, like an adult dog chastising an out of control puppy.

She looked menacingly once more at Michael with her iridescent yellow eyes and let out a lasting growl of warning. As she turned away she gave a gruff snort of not just defeat, but annoyance at not being given the chance for a real hunt.

Michael watched her slope off up the stairs towards her commandeering chief.
He let his head drop back in sheer relief then remembered the wet patch on his trouser leg that was now turning cold. He looked down at the darkened patch and shook his trouser leg as if it would magically dry.

“Ooh that’s not a bad idea.” He thought as he spoke a Romanian Gypsy incantation for desert dry pants again. He felt the warmth and tingling of the energy force as his pants dried leaving a stained patch that looked something like a basic science class chromatography experiment.

He groaned at the mess as he looked around. Then he headed up the stairs following wolf girl as the armed police surrounded the front and back of the building in strategic formation.

Rock World - Sample Chapter of Didikai Witch

2006-11-24T17:52:00.001Z

All hell let loose now as clubbers began screaming in blind panic as they thought they were trapped in a fire fuelled building. The sirens were deafening as the music stopped and everyone ran to a door to get out. All except Michael, Alex and Kate ran onto the dance floor area fighting against the crowds pushing and crushing them from every direction.
George pulled himself off the floor as Michael dragged him out of another onslaught of panicked clubbers, he cast a protection spell around him and he huffed in amazement as he felt the tepid tingling sensation of the spell penetrate every fibre of his body.

“George are you alright?” Alex put his hand on his back.
“Yeah, fine”. George was breathless, with worry and disbelief at what was transpiring before them.
“Where’s Carla?” Alex shouted over the din.
“She bolted and set off these bloody fire alarms”. George rubbed the back of his head where he knocked it against someone’s flailing elbow, during the stampede.
“Have you seen Amethyst?” Kate asked in earnest.
“Yeah”. He pointed to the stairs, “She went up there with two men”. Michael ran to the stairs to hear George shout.
“Be careful, there are werewolves up there!”

Michael turned back to look at the three Daryavaush clairvoyants, mediums, necromancers, call them what you like, but these guys were serious. They actually believed in Werewolves!
“I have never heard of anything so ridiculous!” Michael scoffed. Alex, George and Kate glared at him in utter disbelief.

“You’re a powerful witch from the Romanov clan, who can use telepathy, read auras and manipulate the Universal life energy to your own advantage yet you cannot believe that a human can manipulate the same universal life energy to shift shapes into a beast whose gene lies dormant within a person until it is infected by another shape shifter?” Alex was incredulous. “Does this mean that you do not believe that I can see into the realms of other dimensions? Or that Kate can converse with the spirit world. Is this really all too much for you Michael?” Alex was now simmering at Michael’s total lack of comprehension and his shear arrogance that his family could possibly be the only humans in the world to possess any kind of power. He made no allowances to try and hide his condemnation. Michael cocked his head to one side as a theatrical gesture to listen to Alex’s mind.

“My, my Alex we are very intolerant today aren’t we.” Michael was about to continue, when he was rudely interrupted by Kate.
“Oh put your testosterone away both of you, I think we have a more pressing matters at hand.” She nodded towards the staircase. “It’s just a minuscule problem of the non existent art of Lycanthropy!” They all turned around to watch in horror as both the mousy haired Mr Olympia man known to Alex’s records as one Jason Brannigan and his fiery haired sister Lily march purposefully down the stairs.

“Alex.” Jason glimmered as his eyes shone deep amber, clearly trying to keep the wolf in him under control.
“You know them?” Kate whispered as they all began to back off towards the front door where most of the crowds had passed through and were spilling out onto the city streets.
Michael reached slowly into his jacket pocket and lifted out a pouch he had stashed in his pocket from the Pyramid vaults. He flicked his hand out in front of him as he gabbled an incantation in Romany Gypsy dialect. Both Jason and Lily fell backwards to the floor as the full force of Michaels debilitation spell hit them square in the chest as the sound of what could have been mistaken as a gun shot ricocheted around the now eerily quiet nightclub.

Jason growled in annoyance at his inability to move and was fighting hard to transmutate. Lily looked over to Michael menacingly as Lucas bound down the stairs knocked Michael clean off his feet and sent him sliding backwards across the dance floor crashing at the bar and then stopping sprawled into a table of empty glasses. Kate and George hid behind the DJ’s Record decks as Alex tried to run to Michael to help him up.

“You okay?” Alex tried to pull on his arm as he was lifted off his feet and thrust two extra feet into the air. He managed to see through the corner of his eye that it was Jason who had hold of him.
“Jason please, all we want is to make sure Amethyst is fine and well.” Alex stuttered.
“She is. Don’t interfere into things you don’t understand and never will, Alex.” Jason had no need to use any of his strength to push Alex into a corner close to Kate and George. Then all three scurried in a crouching position towards a door with a little stick man picture stuck to it.

“Jason, Lily. Galle has nearly finished. Come on back up stairs.” Lucas leant over the banister and nervously twitched with anticipation and slight irritation. Jason looked up at him and waved his acknowledgement. He turned and ran four steps at a time before vaulting over the banister and disappearing into VIP area above Michaels head.

He looked across the dance floor as Lily approached baring her teeth as she growled. Michael stood up and put a hand out towards her as if to let her sniff his hand.
“Sit, S…stay. Nice Doggy!” Michael put his other hand in his pocket. “I’m sure I have a Choccy Drop in here somewhere.”
Lily had had quite enough of doggy humour to last her a lifetime. She crunched her knuckles into fists and Michael and the others, who were now hiding behind the men’s toilet door, all heard her knuckles crack. As she let out a loud growl Michael threw a desolation spell this time. The noise was deafening as Lily covered her highly sensitive auditory senses, before picking Michael up high into the air and throwing him high over her shoulder.

Michael let out a yell as he flew through the air, backwards before landing winded behind the bar as bottles and cans came crashing down around his head. He crouched there for an age covering his head with his hands to protect his head from shards of glass.

Didikai Witch- First Book in The Beyond Series

2006-11-24T17:16:00.000Z

Okay so I have finished sulking about not seeing Evanescence in concert on Tuesday night. I have since discovered a band member's partner went into labour, so I am glad that it was a happy emergency!!! I just hope that they re-schedule for another date.

My friend and decided to go into Manchester anyway and hang out in a couple of bars there. I am so glad we did. We found a back street bar just off Deansgate called Prohibition (unusual name for an alcohol serving bar, but hey ho!)

This place was so cool, It was decked out in a Venician Renaissance style with a gothic twist. We were in seventh heaven. I am definately including this bar in my books somewhere.

So after experiencing this veritable delight I have decided to bite the bullet and post a sample chapter from my firts book: Didikai Witch. In this chapter Michael Romanov is a powerful Romany Gypsy Witch, he discovers his little sister Amythest has decided to go clubbing for the first time in her life and as she is still honing her invoked powers he is worried that trouble may not be far behind her. He and his psychic friends go to rescue her.

Any writers published or unpublished, literary agents or publishers out there like what they read then your critique will be greatly appreciated. Enjoy!!

Evanescence Concert...Denied!

2006-11-22T15:59:00.000Z

I am utterly gutted today. I was supposed to see my favourite band, Evanescence in concert last night at the Manchester Apollo Theatre. It was cancelled at the eleventh hour due to a band member having a family emergency back home. Now I hope that every thing is okay and I do hope that the emergency isn't too serious, but I am sure I am fated not to see them. Here is why.

First I find the concert is sold out in record time. Then I try to buy tickets on ebay and either get out bid or think the tickets cost too much (and I bet you can guess how relieved I am for not being a mug and buying a ticket costing over £60 when they only sold on Ticketmaster for £21. I feel very sorry for those ebayers!! NOT!)So my quest took me further into the bowels of despair and in my desperation persuaded a journalist friend to call a few contacts for some press tickets.

So there I was, pleased as punch, thinking I was a clever little bee for getting some tickets, only to have the rug whipped from under me, AND having spent every minute in my car driving to and from work for the last month listening to The Open Door so I could show off my vocal prowess and prove to anyone who cared to notice, that I knew ALL the words to ALL the songs! So in Honour of this cruel twist of fate (which I might add, fate always has a nasty habit of jumping up and biting you on the proverbial butt when you least expect it.)I have created two lists. Top 5 Favorite Concerts and Worst 5 Concerts I have ever been to.

First Tentative Steps to becoming Published

2006-11-21T12:59:00.001Z

I have been a member of firstwriters.com for just a month. This website is great because you can type in a few keywords to find the right publishers and literary agents for my genre of novel, (it even tells me if they are happy to accept new material or are hostile) saves me trawling through pages of names and addresses. Subscription is very reasonable too. I have searched extensively on their database and I have found just nine literary agents that are accepting unsolicited manuscripts at this moment in time. Well actually I am going to count it as just eight because one of them doesn't have a valid email address or an address to write to or a website. Good eh?

Anyway, I have only written to four of them so far, as I could send my work via email, rather than having to print off 50 odd pages of work and post through Royal Mail, which doesn't always find its way to the agents desk! I am going to wait and see if I get a reply from these four agents and see what critique they have for me,if any and then take it from there.

As I am a very organised and tidy minded person I do like to make lists. So check out my lists I make with every post I write.Naturally the one is relevant to the blog. Top Ten Sexiest Men from my favourite novels.